Narcissism – sounds hard to understand or even consider, maybe because of the spelling or pronunciation. For most, it is not a common term. Here is the origin according to Greek mythology:
“In Ovid’s tale, Narcissus is the handsome and proud son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph Liriope. The nymph, Echo, falls in love with him but is rejected and withdraws into a lonely spot and fades away, leaving behind her voice. The goddess Nemesis hears her prayers for vengeance and makes Narcissus fall in love with his own reflection, which he cannot embrace. He sits by the pool, watching it until he dies and turns into the narcissus flower.”
(Read more here: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_origin_of_narcissism#ixzz1RaURsNIE )
The Greek background is only used to give some insight into the meaning of the word for today. One part of the scenario that sticks out: …Narcissus fall(s) in love with his own reflection, which he cannot embrace… The word picture of the futile attempts to embrace your own reflection was quite revealing for me. It was that idea of futility combined with other parts of the definition such as “inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity”, which struck a chord and caused me to want to know more. (source link-http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/narcissism )
In a previous post titled, “Adulation- the Drug of Choice” found here: http://religiouscultsinfo.com/?p=3843 , I share about the ongoing worship of Jane Whaley which permeates life at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). The entire religious fantasy that WOFF was/is built on was the worship of Jane. At times, you can see that Jane appears to draw her strength from the attention, adulation and the worship. Thus, from those observations, I gave my opinion/conclusion that she has/is a true narcissistic personality. Near the end of that post, I wrote:
This helps explain why Jane never sins in her eyes. She has to be right, because then in her eyes, she is above her members. She is perfect in her eyes, so she lives in a higher place with God (exalted place) than her members. … (if she let anyone from outside into her pulpit…) Then the attention would be off of her and on the other “guru” and she would be in a state of lack. Her supply of adulation could/would wane and she would go through withdrawal and emotional turmoil, if for any period of time, her members did not worship her. So, it appears that the adulation of her members is Jane’s drug of choice.
In a recent post about narcissism titled: NARCISSISM–IS IT SELF-LOVE OR SELF-HATE? found here: http://cultcasualties.blogspot.com/2011/07/narcissism-is-it-self-love-or-self-hate.html , the author, my mom, relates her new understanding of the subject. After reading this post, I had a desire to read further from the source article mentioned and relate it back to things I was learning. This new understanding of narcissism tells me I could be wrong in my assessment of Jane. Let me explain.
In the source article, “HUMAN MATTERS: Reconsider the true meaning of narcissism” by Steven Kalas- (Nov. 19, 2006, Copyright © Las Vegas Review-Journal-link: http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Nov-19-Sun-2006/living/10829699.html ) the author sheds some new light on the real reason for narcissism.
“Narcissism is not what it appears to be. It appears to be a falling in love with oneself. Thinking others are inferior….
Nothing could be further from the truth. Narcissism is the precise opposite of self-love. It is, in fact, a tragedy of self-loathing. Narcissus is not punished by the gods because he falls in love with himself. No, he is punished because he looks into a pool of water and falls in love with his image.
Why would someone fall in love with their image? Because the reality of self is broken and wounded. Painful and unbearable. Even terrifying. Blind infatuation with one’s image is a strategy not of self-love but of self-hatred. It is an escape. A committed narcissist defends those images at all cost because his ultimate commitment is to avoid seeing and knowing himself.”
This new information has thrown me for a loop. His statements are stretching me for sure. Let’s begin by sorting out what we do know and can be for sure is present in WOFF-life. Jane Whaley was/is the center of WOFF. Until I read this article, I believed that the reason she was the center of WOFF and the reason she behaved or behaves the way she does was/is because “She is perfect in her eyes…” Now, the author is saying that Jane acts the way she does NOT because she believes she is perfect; she acts the way she does because she KNOWS she is NOT perfect. It is from her reflection, she attempts to justify and project her perfection. In fact, he is suggesting that people like Jane actually loathe themselves- “Because the reality of self is broken and wounded. Painful and unbearable. Even terrifying.” He is saying people such as Jane see their true self as painful to bear and it may scare them at times… right?
I will admit that convincing someone who has never been around Jane at her finest, that she thinks she is perfect has been a hard sell. Jane can be sweet as sugar and humble as pie to strangers and then to tell these very same people how she acts around her “wayward followers” has raised some doubts for sure. But, if we put this understanding with what we know about how viciously Jane promotes, protects and defends her image to the public and in many ways her image to her followers, then this all begins to make sense.
“Blind infatuation with one’s image is a strategy not of self-love but of self-hatred. It is an escape.” Now, that is making more sense. From my years inside of WOFF- I would say that Jane has a “blind infatuation” with her image she projects of herself. She may even believe that faux image at certain times to help relieve the pain of what she knows about herself. Could it also be the pains of the past that she attempts to hide from? Past failures and past defeats as well as present losses? I may very well be wrong. Jane may know she is not perfect – but, is seems plain to me she attempts to escape what she truly knows about herself- her imperfections and her “sins”. After all, the legalism she puts on her followers has to come back on her at some point. Is it possible, she uses her “law” to judge others and deep down she judges herself in the same way?
“A committed narcissist defends those images at all cost because his (her) ultimate commitment is to avoid seeing and knowing himself (herself).” I can see why Jane is so adamant about how she is viewed by her followers. It is her own enhanced reflection that she can never truly embrace or copy, which she strives to portray to others. Thus, Jane needs all the clothes, shoes and jewelry. She needs the big house, the nice cars and “beautiful people” around her. She sees these as necessary to complete the “reflection” she longs for herself and the “reflection” she wants others to see. It is all a cover-up for who she knows she really is on the inside. She appears to be running from herself. She has to have the adulation and praise of others to cover the aches within. If others worship her, she must have some worth- right? She must think that receiving such praises from people aligns well with her doctrines and beliefs. What do you call that? Does this practice sound safe or even “Christian”?
If a person is comfortable with themselves and who God has made them to be, do they need others to constantly affirm and make noise as to what or who they have become? If a leader needs the perpetual “worship” of his followers, does that indicate a fragile, weakened view of themselves? Does a true leader have to keep reminding those who follow why they are the leader and the extent of their power and authority? Does a true leader draw followers because of their quality of character and honorable purposes and goals or deceive potential members by hook or crook into following them?
“Attempt to look behind the images and you will suffer the narcissist’s rage. He (she) will control, demean, belittle, withhold and withdraw. Turn passive-aggressive. The aggrandizements will actually escalate. If necessary, the narcissist will attempt to ruin you.”
For those who have attempted to disturb the reflection Jane sees of herself and wants others to see; have you experienced Jane’s rage? Has anyone who has doubted Jane or left WOFF been “demean(ed), belittle(d),or felt Jane was out to ruin you? Those who leave probably don’t believe any longer the reflection of Jane in the water and/or the reflection Jane seeks to portray of herself to others. On the other hand, for those that stay, it seems they need to believe the reflection of Jane’s ideal image as true. They seem to need her to be perfect even when it is plain as day she is not. Does it follow that if faithful WOFF members pretend Jane is perfect then it justifies other beliefs about WOFF such as its uniqueness and the hope that they all will make it to heaven one day-right? Pretending Jane is perfect and her “reflection” is true seems to somehow fill a void or need in her followers. If Jane can be “perfected”, maybe they can be, too. This attitude may explain the “die-hard believers” in WOFF and the measures they go to in order to defend Jane from criticism, either warranted or unwarranted.
About the author of the resource article: Steven Kalas is a behavioral health consultant and counselor at Clear View Counseling and Wellness Center in Las Vegas. His columns appear on Tuesdays and Sundays. Questions for the Asking Human Matters column or comments can be e-mailed to skalas@reviewjournal.com.
When considering these new thoughts about narcissism, can we say then that narcissism is a “love-hate” relationship with one’s self? Love the projected image and hate what is on the inside? Comments are welcome.
Footnote:
“The word Narcissus is derived from the Greek word narke, meaning numbness or stupor. Some attribute the naming of the flower to its narcotic fragrance while others debate that it is associated with the poisonous nature of the Narcissus bulbs.” http://www.theflowerexpert.com/content/mostpopularflowers/narcissus
Numbness or stupor- that fits. Here is a picture to enjoy…
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