Last year in August, I wrote a post titled, “How Are You Doing?” (link- http://religiouscultsinfo.com/?p=3090 ) The subject of the post was prompted after watching “Tsunami” The Aftermath, an HBO Films® 2 DVD set which was produced in 2007. This was a dramatization taken from accounts of survivors and observers from the aftermath, drawing from the rescues and the clean-up process from the tsunami in the Indian Ocean on December 26, 2004. I drew several analogies from the film to my time at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF) and the results afterward.
From the post, “When a simple question of concern “How are you doing?”; prompted such an intense emotional reply from Ian Carter (main character in the movie) , I remembered the first few months when I left Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF) I remembered to feelings of being “lost” and without direction. After 16 years, my life had been deeply shaped by Jane Whaley and her teachings. For many years, I had been taught directly and by inference that those who left WOFF were out of the will of God, attackers, Judases and headed to hell. At times, I felt that I had been pushed out. And I was put out of the church. At other times, I knew I had left to keep what little sanity I had left in July of 2008. The shunning from those around me had put such a sense of hopeless, helpless, defeating anguish on me that leaving, to me, though tearing me up on one hand, was the only course I saw in order to regain some sense of stability. When I reread the emails I sent during those weeks between June 5, 2008 and the month of July 2008, it has been clear to me the anguish I experienced in considering leaving WOFF and those I loved. The anguish was real and still is very real.”
During this past year, my wife filed for and was granted a divorce in May. Many would have considered that the final result of what I termed the “WOFF-tsunami”, but, it has not been so. Last year, I referenced “the aching numbness that chases sleep away as you seek relief from the deep resounding pains of regret in the heart. Yet, can words fitly describe it?” The numbness has subsided to a small degree. But, it roars load at times when I consider the destruction that has come upon my family. My family, still in WOFF, acts on what they have seen and heard others do at WOFF; they treat the one who has left and survived the tsunami as the one who is now dead. That is all part of the twisted wreckage that WOFF brings into the lives of many.
Fourteen months after writing that post, I was drawn to watch the movie again. As happens when you watch some film again, different scenes caught my attention and for different reasons. Just a few minutes into the second part of the film, the main character, Ian Carter, is speaking to the British Ambassador. After they talked about the clearing of land and the hopes of finding survivors was slim (Ian’s daughter Martha was still missing), Ian looked directly into the Ambassador’s face and asked, “What do I do now?” The Ambassador had no answer, but he just stared in bewilderment and Ian walked away. The pain in his face and the confusion, the anguish were more than obvious.
It is no surprise that no matter how prepared a country is to face natural disasters, there are unexpected circumstances and obstacles that hinder efforts of the survivors to get on with their life and regain a sense of normalcy. This can be even more intense when the disaster is sudden and with such force as was this tsunami and the earthquake recently in Japan. The pain physically and emotionally of the survivors can be long lasting. There are many who experience emotional scars for years after large scale natural disasters.
What about the destruction of families as a result of cult involvement? Are there long term effects that beset the survivors as well as those who have family and friends lost to a cult? From my experience and my research I can say- yes. The onset can be slower than an earthquake or tsunami. I would describe the effects to a developing slow train wreck. If you can relate to the analogy of a train wreck or even a car wreck in slow motion, that comes close to describing the unfolding drama scenes that took place in my family. You can’t stop it in many cases, you can’t get out of its way, you may scream for help, but, the words fall on deaf ears. The results have been played out before you in other families and yet, you have a glimmer of hope, maybe stemming from denial, that your situation will be different. Don’t get me wrong, some family units leave together, however, many do not. Even the ones that did appeared to go through the “wreck” process before they finally escaped.
As I considered all of the dynamics of going through and surviving a natural or “man-made” (woman-made) disaster, I realized the pain is real, the pain can be on many levels and for those coming out of WOFF, the pain(s) can last for years. So, how can we reference this or measure this pain?
As a side note, when WOFF members would go to Dr. Pagter’s office (a WOFF doctor), the nurse who was not a WOFF member would most times ask you to rate your quality of life from 1-10. Rating your life as a “1” was the worst and “10” was the best. One service, Robin Webster got up and said what a reproach it was to the church that some members would rate their life as less than a “10”. She stopped short of calling people out individually, but, it was clear she had already had the conversation with Jane and told her who had rated their life as less than perfect! No pressure, just tell people your life at WOFF is wonderful and perfect! Really? Yes, this is true! Robin Webster actually said this in a service to WOFF members. Can you say HIPAA?
This reflects and leads back to our question- How should we measure the pain for survivors and for that matter for WOFF members who are willing to tell themselves the truth? I propose the JPI– “Jane-Pain Index”. Yes, the Jane-Pain Index can be used to let others around you know how you are being affected by WOFF memories or WOFF dreams or the separation from family and friends still in WOFF. For those still in WOFF, you can rate your pain and how you are being affected by Jane. This scale will be from 1 to 10. This time, a “1” is none to hardly any Jane-Pain at all. “10” is the highest rating of Jane-Pain on the scale. So, it you claim a “10” it is REAL BAD. If you say a “15”, we will know that your WOFF-fears are highly active and raging. If you are missing your children or grandchildren still in WOFF and you know it is a direct result of Jane and her teachings, then that has to be at least a “5” or higher. Will this help? If you are like Ian Carter and are asking “What do I do now?” Start by taking inventory and assigning a JPI number to you condition. We all then must work at decreasing our JPI as soon as possible. How do we do this? What do we do now?
Later in the movie, Susie and Cathy are driving to get supplies and Susie asks, “How can you believe? How can you believe in a God that would do this?” Cathy answers, “I guess I know He can’t have a grip on every corner.” Susie comes back with “Why not? Isn’t He all powerful? Isn’t He this shining spirit that is meant to look after us?” The conversation goes on and Cathy admits she believes He didn’t cause the tsunami. She admits that her hope is what brings her through. This scene is the writer’s attempt to depict what many go through after a disaster in their life- doubt and searching. Some fall out as skeptics, some end up stronger in their faith and some muddle through a personal disaster seemingly unchanged on the outside. I missed this part when I first saw the film. Maybe I wasn’t ready to face the questions, the doubt or the reason or cause for the pain that comes from surviving WOFF. When I first left WOFF, I thought I was all alone and the only one who was going through the trauma. But, over the months and years, I have met and talked to former members and relatives and friends of present members. All of us in our own way express the hurts, the questions, the anger and doubts. Some have come out more focused, some leave and struggle greatly to make sense of it all. Why do groups like WOFF exist and more specifically, why are leaders like Jane allowed to practice their trade of religious foolery and destruction? Why is Jane allowed to inflict emotional pain on so many folks? What do we do from here? What is your JPI, now?
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Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, for posts written by John Huddle, any information about WOFF is from his memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 353.