As with many posts written previously for this blog, I begin this one in the early morning hours. It has been a long work day, but the drive and need to write the thoughts from today lead me to yet again delay reasonable sleep time and explore the musings over a series of thoughts and observations from earlier on Wednesday. I won’t pretend to be able to completely cover the scope of the subject which is introduced here. My hopes are to write until some more answers come and hopefully spark some more interest and understanding in those who read this post.

Wednesday afternoon, a coworker and I were tactfully going over the observations she had about another one who works on the team. This following statement was not intended to be harmful; I felt as if the person who made it was trying to explain their difficulties with the other person in hopes of finding more patience in dealing with them. She said the person “has no self-awareness.” Honestly, I don’t interact with the person in question enough to be qualified to make such an observation. My hours are only part-time whereas the person talking worked with the young person in question much more than I. I simply listened and as with certain statements made to me or around me during the day, I registered them somewhere in my conscious or sub consciousness. This scenario landed in the consider later stack.

A little while later, a flood of thoughts which could possibly explain the social dynamics in the group which I survived- began overwhelming me. I was not thinking of the young person about whom the observation had been made. I had been concentrating on the tasks at hand when it felt that my day was interrupted and I had to write down the thoughts coming. The phrase “has no self awareness” began to roll in my thoughts as it pertained to those inside of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). I felt justified in considering these thoughts since up until July 2008; I had been under the influence of WOFF-life for a total sixteen years.

My thoughts began with the adjustments a new survivor has to make after first leaving WOFF. Survivors are required in my opinion to regain a measure of social and personal self-awareness. I reflected on my first few months after leaving and in many areas having to relearn social cues and make adjustments. The skill of reading the social cues and being or having a proper amount of social awareness had from my perspective been frozen; or in some areas it was dissolved during WOFF-days. Why had that happened? How had it happened? It was painful at times, but definitely worth it to regain some self-awareness. My thoughts began to race faster than I could write.

As a result of the all consuming WOFF sub-culture, after I left, I had not been keenly aware of how I presented myself to outsiders. The schedule of being immersed inside the group did not leave much time with outsiders. However, I know there were some who lived even further or deeper inside the WOFF subculture and had less contact with outsiders than even I did. My main contact with non-WOFFers was through work. And that had been a point of contention during WOFF days—leadership and my then wife would complain that because of my work away from WOFF member-owned companies, I was “just out there on my own, out from UNDER authority.”  Why was that an issue? One word answer= control. The religious excuse was “you may come under attack” or “you may give to some sin.” In reality, it all boiled down to control.

What was the difference for me going into the controlling WOFF environment as an adult and those who had been raised inside the WOFF group for all or most of their lives? How had my self-awareness and attention to social cues been frozen or set-aside? Do those who grow up in WOFF or groups like them have any normal or healthy self-awareness?

Here are my beliefs and opinions about the whole process of having any or most all of your self-awareness paralyzed during the beginning of your WOFF tour. There is a strong underlying current and force to cause conformity for the new converts inside WOFF. Part of the indoctrination process is to change a new person from being self-aware and conscious of how they look and how they feel and what they think into having them consider “what God thinks, what God says about them and how they should act and live among God’s people.”  Of course this all is interpreted by Jane Whaley, her leadership and those in your household. You are not able to hear God for yourself because you are “new to the things of God” and therefore if you do express an opinion or thought about how to dress or act or live apart from an approved behavior- you are full of yourself and listening to the devil! “That devil is trying to drive you away for the call of God and the path God has chosen for you!”  

So part of the indoctrination process is for the new person to “die to self” as Jane points out in the Scriptures and become the “new man” in Jesus. Practically, this plays out by a person giving up any consideration of who God has made them individually to be and conforming to who Jane says they should be “in God”. This of course requires you to ignore any social cues or indications that you are being drug into a subculture that has created a new identity for you that obviously includes total submission to all the ever changing rules and dictates of the group. In the process of “living for God”, you lose all self-awareness and individuality given to you by God and submit to the group dictates and customs. When you have a flash or momentary desire to stray from the all encompassing groups rules and edicts- you are told you are listening to the devil and will go to hell for following Satan.

After a while, you find it totally shocking that outsiders would say all you WOFF members look alike and dress alike and act alike and do only what Jane says. Why? Because you either believe it or know you have to act like you believe that you are only “following Jesus” and exercising your “religious freedom to live with God’s people.” I remember the bewilderment at the socially awkward moments when as a WOFF member, you would become aware how others perceived you- as strange. For the most part, I would ignore it, but it never left me. There was always the stigma of being “different” and possibly for all the wrong reasons….  Do other survivors identify with that feeling?

In the example where all of this started for me, the person in question was being accused of being totally unaware that how they acted and reacted was socially unacceptable and did not reflect a mature attitude or thought pattern. From my experience, for faithful WOFF members, they are required to subject and/or ignore any concern or awareness for how they are perceived EXCEPT as how they model, imitate and emulate the prescribed acceptable WOFF behaviors. (regardless of how outsiders perceive or react to their choices.)  These behaviors include life choices in clothing, living arrangements, educational choices, career choices, family living arrangements, eating, discipline of children (or adults…), medical service choices, and many business practices. A faithful WOFF member is supposed to not care what outsiders think of them if they are “living for Jesus” inside WOFF. And thus explains the struggle for those that do leave. How do you regain a sense of proper self-awareness and understanding the proper adjustments to certain social cues? It is not hopeless and certainly better to meet the challenge than to remain in a social and spiritual coma being required to totally ignore who you were meant to be.     

 So, it follows that those who have spent most of their time inside WOFF or were born into the group would have an even more difficult time learning proper self awareness and the skill of reading of interpreting social cues. There could be a hopeless or even bewilderment at the thought of having to know how others see my actions or reactions. Why? Because inside WOFF you never had to wonder- you were always told when you are doing wrong, thinking wrong or speaking wrong. You never had to guess if you were approved by Jane or leadership. It was her job and leadership’s job to tell you. All under the super spiritual terms such as “you did not hear God” or “you were not walking with God at that moment.” Life in a pyramid structure is like that. I suppose the phrase- water flows downhill pretty much sums it up.

In summary, living inside of WOFF requires you to ignore yourself to the point of losing yourself in WOFFness. Once you leave, you are able to find yourself, move on with your life and be who you were meant to be- even if it is difficult at first, it is worth it. Agree?

Other questions follow which we may take up at another time- Is Jane Whaley aware of how she is perceived in the County? Does she care? Does she have a healthy self-awareness that reflects a mature individual?  Do her actions and choices reflect her beliefs about the perception she has of her own image in the County? Do her members suffer or benefit from her choices?

And with that, let us remember:

“It is never too late to wake up and leave and reclaim your life!” Steve Hassan

Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Jane told me and Josh confirmed it.

Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

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Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 464.