How Are You Doing?

      “Tsunami” The Aftermath, an HBO Films® 2 DVD set was produced in 2007. This is a dramatization taken from accounts of survivors and observers from the aftermath, rescues and clean-up process from the tsunami in the Indian Ocean on December 26, 2004. The sheer power and resulting destruction of that tsunami is hard to comprehend even after reading the statistics. “The epicenter of the 9.0 magnitude quake was under the Indian Ocean near the west coast of the Indonesian island of Sumatra, according to the USGS, which monitors earthquakes worldwide… Within hours killer waves radiating from the earthquake zone slammed into the coastline of 11 Indian Ocean countries, snatching people out to sea, drowning others in their homes or on beaches, and demolishing property from Africa to Thailand… Witnesses said the approaching tsunami sounded like three freight trains or the roar of a jet. In some places the tsunami advanced as a torrent of foaming water.” (source link http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/12/1227_041226_tsunami.html )  The resulting death toll was nothing short of phenomenal. Over 230,000 people died in several countries. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Indian_Ocean_earthquake_and_tsunami )

     This movie tells the story of different families affected by the tragedy. The accounts are drawn from the testimonies of survivors and are an attempt to depict the intense physical and emotional struggles after the historic event. In my opinion, the film is well made however the language is not family friendly and the recreated scenes are very graphic. The movie is rated “MA”.

    Two of the main characters are Ian and Susie Carter. Susie goes out diving the day of the tsunami and Ian is left with their little girl- Martha. The father and daughter are unaware of the warning signs of a tsunami as were many other visitors to Thailand. The father and daughter were then separated in the raging waves. Ian and Susie reunite after some time and one subplot is their personal and united struggle to deal with their losses. Ian is asked by a couple of different folks in the movie, either with an inquisitive look or verbal expression, “How are you doing?” Most every time he immediately begins to tell of his struggle in the waves and overwhelming need to find his daughter. The emotions shown by Ian and Susie, as well as the other actors portraying survivors were intense and compelling to say the least. Others in the film were not able to offer much solace. In fact, one reporter who arrives after the tsunami is very direct and heartless in his words to Ian, at first.

    While watching this movie, I could not help but be drawn into the emotion and traumatic feelings of the characters. Could I comprehend the full scope of the unfolding tragedy of those who had been actual survivors? Probably not. Was it an honest effort by the writer and producer to convey these emotions? Yes, I think so. Were there events in my life that were “disasters” which could give me some place of empathy? Yes.

 

      In third grade during recess, my elementary schoolmates and I experienced a sudden twister which came through the playground. The sudden natural phenomena caught everyone off guard. There were children who experience personal injuries such as broken arms and knee injuries. I received glass chips in my shins. There was a low pressure created which caused the skylights in the school hallways to collapse. Glass was everywhere! My friend Phillip and I ran away to the cafeteria door when we saw the twister. We turned just in time to see the twister taking the kickballs away from our classsmates about 50 yards away and carrying the balls down through the field to some place faraway. School was cancelled for the rest of the day. Even baseball practice was cancelled!

   In September 1989, I lived in West Ashley, just across the river from Charleston, SC. The events of the days before, during and after Hurricane Hugo will never be forgotten. There were decisions made before Hugo arrived that protected my wife and I from some extremely dangerous circumstances. We fled to a town near Charlotte, NC and Hugo followed us there. I was awakened at 4:00AM to what sounded like a freight train in the front yard. That area was totally unprepared for Hugo and suffered some serious property destruction.

     Within a few days we returned to a town that had experienced a direct hit from a category 4 hurricane. Some reports had it as a high category 3. What does that matter? The destruction was phenomenal. Do an image search for “Hurricane Hugo” and see what we saw as we came back into town the following Monday. We were without power for two weeks. It was an amazing time. Maybe that will be another post. Here is a link telling the story- http://www.awesome80s.com/Awesome80s/Tech/Nature/Disasters/Hurricanes/89Sept16-Hugo.asp

    But, even with all the property destruction, there were relatively very few lives lost. I personally did not know anyone who lost their life. I knew a couple that waited and fled later in the day of September 21, 1989. When they returned, there was a tree limb piercing their roof into their bed. It was a scary sight to say the least. The sense of loss was intense and varied from person to person. We lost a few shingles while another neighbor had a tree through their roof into their living room. It was difficult to not be affected in some way from the scenes of massive destruction. The emotions proved a stress to many. Certain residents of that area lost their lives in the clean-up, which was sad. It took years to rebuild the affected areas. For my groups of associates and friends, there was certainly a tendency to look after one another and help each other. The question, “How are you doing?” was a common saying.  

   At first, the plight of the survivors in “Tsunami” did not resonate with me. But, as the movie unfolded and I got past the direct comparison in my life of Hugo and other times, there came a growing understanding of the loss of two of the main characters, Ian and Susie of their daughter. The grieving, searching, reflective episodes, doubting, anguish and other emotions, I could at least, in part understand.  

    When a simple question of concern “How are you doing?”; prompted such an intense emotional reply from Ian, I remembered the first few months when I left Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF) I remembered to feelings of being “lost” and without direction. After 16 years, my life had been deeply shaped by Jane Whaley and her teachings.  For many years, I had been taught directly and by inference that those who left WOFF were out of the will of God, attackers, Judases and headed to hell. At times, I felt that I had been pushed out. And I was put out of the church. At other times, I knew I had left to keep what little sanity I had left in July of 2008. The shunning from those around me had put such a sense of hopeless, helpless, defeating anguish on me that leaving, to me, though tearing me up on one hand, was the only course I saw in order to regain some sense of stability. When I reread the emails I sent during those weeks between June 5, 2008 and the month of July 2008, it has been clear to me the anguish I experienced in considering leaving WOFF and those I loved. The anguish was real and still is very real.  

     It is no wonder why so many at WOFF, in similar situations stay- they know the warnings are real. Unlike a hurricane, with a tsunami there can be very little notice. At WOFF, the warnings from leadership were there. “If you don’t repent, you will lose your family and you’ll be out of here!” Repenting for exercising God-given rights and freedoms was not the course I chose. At the time, I did not know all the freedoms I had surrendered to be a part of WOFF. If the thought had crossed my mind about giving up such freedoms, the conditioned response was that “this is the price to pay in order to serve God.”

   But, the affects of WOFF have been as real to me as if a tsunami had taken my loved ones and friends away with a sudden tumultuous wave. The tsunami of WOFF has produced feelings and emotions of a wide range. First, there is the deep regret of not heeding the warnings of the man who served as best man at my wedding. He warned of Jane Whaley and WOFF. Sam Whaley had been a teacher of his at Rhema in Tulsa. However, he had heard of the change in directions of Jane and Sam. At that point, my trust was already placed in a couple who endorsed Jane and Sam’s ministry. That regret has only intensified when people I love stayed at WOFF.

   Next, there has been anger with the whole situation. Recently, someone told me they thought I handled the anger well. I conclude that anger does no good. Let’s move on and find a more constructive avenue.

    Then there is the emptiness. After more than 20 years of a close relationship, it is hard to turn it off like a spigot. Though we lived inside a very controlling group, we still had family relationships. We still had what to me were caring, loving relationships. I have memories, pictures and other mementos from the years of love and caring. What am I to do with that? Let it wash away in the receding tide left after the tsunami of WOFF has destroyed people and places in my life?

    The intense emotions are as hard for me to put into words as it was for the writer and producers of “Tsunami” to fully capture the plight of the survivors of that disaster. But, I will try. There was denial at first that the separation of my family was because of WOFF. What? Who believes that? I was put out of WOFF after being fired from a company owned by church members and my life is severely affected. So, the resulting separation from loved ones has NOTHING to do with WOFF? Give UP! That lie is plain hog wash- or worse. No one who claims good sense would truly believe that one. Of course, while in WOFF, I would have told myself that “others left because they did not want the will of God”. So, I was lying to myself then, as others are continuing to lie to themselves, now.

    Then there is the numbness; the aching numbness that chases sleep away as you seek relief from the deep resounding pains of regret in the heart. Yet, can words fitly describe it? And this is all the result of what? A WOFF member may say that I am “reaping my own rebellion”.  Why does that excuse remind me of other shallow excuses given in times past for the obvious human tragedies resulting from membership at WOFF? Torn families, confusion, apprehension, questions locked away in hearts, all pile up and testify in stark contrast to Jane Whaley’s unique perception of the “success” of her gift to the Body of Christ.

    Okay, my perspective may be one-sided. I attended for 16 years, supported WOFF with tithes and offerings, attempted to recruit WOFF members, repeated to those around me the WOFF mantras, went on a WOFF trip to Brazil and yet, here I am in the aftermath. But, my hope remains in the Lord. He is the only true source of comfort and peace. I will trust the Lord. Even in this affliction, I will purpose to worship Him. No matter the state I find myself in after the “WOFF-tsunami”, I sought God before WOFF and I still seek Him. Thank you, to those who are supportive in prayer and encouragement.  

  So, how are you doing?

   Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog.  Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

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      (Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 178.

8 thoughts on “How Are You Doing?”

  1. Reading this does bring back a flood of emotions!!!! I knew the last Sunday morning I drove up to WOFF that it would be my last. My biggest regret was believing the lies that my son was better off staying up there. I vowed on my way home to NEVER have anything to do with organized RELIGION. Not GOD, but man’s idea of religion. It took me years to find a fellowship and we are not “religious”!!!! I have a wonderful spiritual home full of love and compassion. I prefer to think I was put out of WOFF becasue I DID want the true will of FATHER in my life, not because I did not want to “follow after God” but rather I did not want to follow after MAN(OR WOMAN) My son is home with me now. Restoration is ongoing. My heart breaks to think of your family members are still up there and that they treat you so badly. They are in such deception, but GOD will not allow this to continue !!!!! Deception can be broken!! Love, hugs and prayers to you my friend

  2. Wow, I found this is really powerful piece to read. I admire your courage for sharing it. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be to leave your family behind and know that they are still under the power of WOFF.

    I wonder have you made contact with your best man since you left?

    When you say you were put out of WOFF because you lost your job at one of their organisations, does that mean that you weren’t ready to leave? That it was forced upon you or had you already begun to think that WOFF was not something you could believe in anymore? (Hope you don’t me asking).

    Thanks again for sharing,
    RS

  3. John,
    I just read “How Are You Doing?” and sat here lost in thought for several minutes. I wanted to type but my fingers wouldn’t move. Memories and thoughts were going through my mind as if shot from a gun…..Hugo, loss, heartbreak, relief, eye of the storm, rescue, power, frustation, joy, foregiveness, regrets,etc. When you spoke of Hugo and its destruction I thought of my trip to Summerville three weeks after it hit. I became disoriented and lost in a town where I had lived for over seven years…the road signs were gone and there was very little left to point the way. I will never forget the feeling and as I finally found my way to houses where I had lived, the tears came without warning. I’m still not sure why I was crying but I think I must have felt to a much lesser degree the way you have in enduring the “storms of emotions” since leaving WOFF. You have shown great strength which is rarely seen in one your age( and I know some days are easier than others). Your faith and fortitude have not gone unnoticed by your family and friends. We are here for you and you have the support and prayers of many others around the world(thanks to the Internet).
    Love,
    Mom

  4. John, I’ve just read through the three posts where you describe the events that preceded you leaving WOFF. I never realised such aggressive abuse was a consistent practice. It is the sort of thing that you’d expect to see in a movie where the suspects are tortured for information on terrorists or something. How barbaric!

    RS

  5. RS,

    Soon, I plan to post on Robert Jay Lifton’s research and work on the subject of “thought reform”. He studied the subject from prisoners of war coming out of Chinese prisoner camps in the 1950s. I believe you, as well as others, will find the material shocking and revealing. The author was approached be those desiring to know more, as they had seen the techniques used in cults. This of course was all before WOFF. Thank you, for reading and taking time to comment.

    John

  6. The emotions that come when you leave are intense. The organization and friends have been all you have known for many years. To totally move away and to know you will never be able to talk to your close friends again is overwhelming. It is hard to describe, it is a deep sinking feeling in your stomach. You want to cry all the time. But, again there is the relief that you do not have to live under the control anymore. It is a healing process. It helped us to have family and friends who would just listen and not be judgmental. It is hard for anyone who was not in WOFF to understand the turmoil you are going through when you leave. They just cannot believe that such a group exists under the label of a loving Christian group. But, as it was a process for us to leave, it has been a process to heal. We made sure that we did not go totally into “sin” as Jane has preached will happen. We grew closer as a family and talked about our experiences, even the good ones. Because there were some good experiences. We talked about the ones left behind and continue to pray for them. Now, we have loving friends and family and enjoy fellowship with other Christians and go to a few different churches. We are still a little unsure of becoming “totally committed” to another church, just yet. But, that may come. Reading your posts has helped with the healing as well. Thank you John for your posts.

  7. Randall,

    Thank you for your sincere reply. I am being helped by writing and sharing what happened. It is all a process. There were some good things that happened. “We talked about the ones left behind and continue to pray for them.” Yes, most definitely. Being a member of WOFF does not disqualify a person from God’s grace, His mercy or His Love- ever.

    John

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