Over the last couple of years, I have heard several stories of individuals who have had illnesses and not known their condition. The condition, usually cancer, would progress until they had a very nominal pain and went for an examination. At that point, the doctor would tell them they had more than a backache, more than a stomach ache or headache- they had cancer. One fellow went in because he was bothered by his back. He was diagnosed with stage four cancer and was dead in two weeks. Another lady, I heard about was in her early 30’s. She had never been in to doctor other than for check-ups. Her stomach ache revealed cancer all through her body. She has been taking treatments and is working as much as she can. Still another man I heard about had a headache for several days; he was diagnosed with brain cancer and had never missed a day’s work in his life. He is trying to work while he takes treatments.
As the stories kept coming to my attention, I could readily see that as humans, we know very little about our own bodies. In certain cases, we could have a deformity or malady and not know it. We usually have to have someone point it out after they have examined us beyond what can be seen on the outside. In the theme of questions, I began to consider my life at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). The group, led by Jane Whaley, has been hard for some folks to figure out or diagnose. Certainly on the outside, many do not see the symptoms. Many see the fine cars, big house and nice clothes and do not see the symptoms of an illness that go deeper than the surface. It is easy to miss the illness when you look at the outside trappings of an apparently “healthy” looking group of folks such as WOFF. When a person sees the “happy” expressions and the courteous mannerisms of the youth, they become oblivious to the other symptoms that definitely exist.
As a point of reference, my time being in and under the influence of Jane Whaley and her teachings amounted to 16 years. When I was in that group, the symptoms of the illness were not obvious. Of course, why would they be? There was great effort to rationalize the angst or creeping doubt that may try to surface and warn members that what was going on may not be in their best interest, not right or just plain WRONG. Those thoughts and justifications would be similar to these: This is GOD’s way- you just have never known God at this level, Jane loves you, would she do anything to hurt you?, Others just do not walk in the Truth we have, God has blessed us so; Who are you to doubt the anointing that God has given Jane?, Do you know better than God’s Apostle?; After all Jane and Sam have done for you and all of us, you would dare to question their motive? Can’t you see that is the devil speaking through you?; Do you really think Jesus would tell you something and not tell Jane first? You dare to sit there and question the minister of God when it comes to this matter? Why did you not feel conviction about that, I did when I first heard of it… Something must be wrong with you- we all were in agreement that Jane was right, God has spoken. Go find a place of repentance for even having that thought! Stop that look on your face that is the DEVIL!
In the effort to quash the gnawing from becoming a knowing, the member who doubted Jane would be made to feel they were the problem. In an effort to keep the doubt from growing and “taking someone out” of WOFF, leadership were trained in how to make the regular member feel they were the only one who would/could dare doubt the “authority” that Jane ascribed to herself. When in truth, how many of the leadership had doubts themselves? How many of the top leaders have been through their own struggles attempting to fine their true condition and level of belief? Jane had put many of them “out of the church” or in discipleship or whatever when they did not tow the line in total belief in her. These times of struggle were seen for the most part as the normal ebb and flow of life in WOFF. When in reality, they were the struggle for individuals trying to learn their true stance on many vital issues in that group. These times would be euphemistically covered as “the dealings of God” or seeking a place of submission to God or some other phrase. In my opinion, having been through the struggles and been in and out of the church as a result, these times were my struggles to find that truth about WOFF, Jane and the life at WOFF. What is the truth? Is it healthy, spiritually beneficial and balanced? Or is it destructive, emotionally damaging and degrading?
In my search, I found it to be destructive. The gnawing became a knowing and the diagnosis was not good. It was as if being at WOFF was like a growing cancer in you that you had no idea was there. You had no idea that what others could see you becoming and morphing into was a sterile, robotic person that jumped when Jane said jumped, cried when Jane said cry and sang when Jane said to sing. While in WOFF, if you had the slightest impression that you were being groomed to live WOFFness, there would be the rationalization that “this is God’s way”. Most of the time, you never gave it a thought how much like everyone else you looked and lived. The sameness of WOFF members is not something WOFF members are cognizant and aware of. WOFF members do not see what others on the outside see as they peer into the WOFF culture. While in WOFF, you were for the most part totally unaware of the mold you were being squeezed into. The cancer of WOFFness that robbed me of being the person God wanted me to be was undetectable by me, during my years at WOFF. I took on the WOFF mold, the look, the mindset, the talk, the WOFF perspective of outsiders- as if it was mine. When in reality, it was Jane’s. Of course, to realize this has taken a while and the cure is slow coming. Taking on WOFFness took one day at a time, one decision at a time. Coming out and being cured of the WOFF cancer takes one day at a time, one decision at a time. The treatment from others that love me has been the biggest help in getting free. I am not fully WOFF-free, but I am getting there. WOFFness is not just in remission, it is being pushed out of me. Finding freedom again is scary on the one hand and exciting on the other.
Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.
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(Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 213.