Recently, I was given a book titled, “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). The purpose of the book is to put in layman’s term the description of narcissism and also give the reader strategies to deal with and live with a narcissist. This book is filled with observations and insights that I believe help explain the plight of being a member of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Why? In my opinion, Jane Whaley, as the leader of WOFF, is a prime example of a narcissist who makes her living using religion to control others. In the author’s explanation of narcissism, Hotchkiss makes only occasional references to religion other than in the title of the book. She does not mention how religion or religious practices would enter into explaining the methods of a narcissist. However, I will attempt to expand on a few concepts Hotchkiss puts forth and explain them in light of the religious setting at WOFF.
First off, if you have been, or are now a member of WOFF and do not agree that Jane Whaley exhibits some characteristic of narcissism or even some minimal selfishness, then there is no use to continue reading; this post will only confuse you. However, if you wonder why the social dynamics which compose WOFF-life and thus life around Jane are so volatile or dramatic, then read on. See if these ideas help you understand why WOFF-life around Jane is less than peaceful at times, while at others, downright volcanic.
Hotchkiss uses examples and personal scenarios meant to illustrate her observations and her points about the subject. For the most part, I will not repeat these examples in this post since none of them are in a religious setting and would not add to my theory. However, when possible, I will recount scenes from WOFF-life which demonstrate my theory and explanations. I have been considering the content of this post for several days. At this point, it seems in some ways so obvious, yet, so large that I hope I can convey the main points so others can understand them. I am not sure how many posts it will take to cover the insights from this book, but, let us begin….
In the Introduction to this book the author writes, “There is nothing new about narcissism. There have always been vain, grasping, manipulative characters who have an inflated perception of themselves and little regard for others…. Narcissism is not just tolerated in our day and age, it is glorified. Many of our leaders and public figures we admire flaunt their narcissistic proclivities, and we can’t wait to emulate their excesses… Before we know it, the distinction between what’s healthy and what isn’t gets fuzzy…” (page XV)
This post is specifically related to my experiences and observations at WOFF. However, I am not saying that Jane Whaley is the only religious figure who exhibits narcissism. She just happens to be the one I am most familiar with right now. Also, leaders in Christianity in general are not the only ones who could have this ailment, I am learning of cult leaders in other religions with similar characteristics. As the author notes, this is a pervasive disorder in our culture. As another note, this book is much more than can be covered in this series of posts and I recommend a copy to all who have an interest in learning more.
Hotchkiss continues, “The characteristic ways that Narcissists think and behave are what I describe in Part I as the Seven Deadly Sins. Some of these, such as entitlement and the rage that accompanies it, arrogance, magical thinking (grandiosity and omnipotence) are familiar faces of narcissism. But, you may be surprised to learn that poor interpersonal boundaries, the emotional shallowness that stems from buried shame, envy and its sidekick contempt, and the exploitiveness that fills the vacuum created by the absence of empathy are even more indicative of unhealthy narcissism than an inflated ego or mere selfishness. These are the behavior and attitudes that protect an undeveloped Self at the expense of the well-being of others…. The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism not only hurt others, but they prevent the Narcissist from developing a genuine Self.” (pages xvii and xviii)
For those former members reading this, one of the characteristics that may jump out right away in the list is rage. In my years at WOFF, Jane displayed fits of rage that were excused as the “anger of God”. After all, Jane confessed to being delivered from the spirit of anger. So, how could her tirades and outbursts of anger really be anger? It was cast as love, yes, the love of God. After you recover, I will continue. ……. Visitors and those in the community may be shocked since Jane can exhibit the sweetness of honey and the gentleness of a spring rain. But, she can sting like a wasp when she takes a notion. In this book, I believe the author unlocks for me an accurate explanation as to why and how this could happen. In this series, I will add my thoughts as to why and how this could happen in a church setting.
Hotchkiss writes about the first “Deadly Sin”- shamelessness. “Shame is among the most unbearable of human feelings, regardless of our age or station in life. Unlike guilt, it speaks not to the misdeed but to the misery of a pervasive personal flaw.” (page 4) “In the Narcissist, shame is so intolerable that means have been developed not to experience it at all. What psychologists call “bypassed shame” looks like shamelessness or absence of a conscience, hiding behind a protective barrier of denial, coldness, blame, or rage. Since there are no healthy internal mechanisms available to process the painful feeling, shame is directed outward, away from the Self. It can never be ‘my fault’.” (pages 5-6)
It was about this time I began to see the patterns of rage and outbursts that Jane exhibited during my time at WOFF were for the most part totally unpredictable and were really acts of self-defense. I have written before about the outburst at the first service of a November Seminar when she blasted an elderly lady for going to local grocery stores and picking up sale papers. The lady would then bring them back to WOFF for the members. When Jane found out during the service, she said no one told me or no one asked me… I don’t remember exactly. But, the next part was ingrained in my memory. Jane stormed to the side door of the sanctuary and turned to pause and declare to the elderly lady and all others in the room, “Your sin affects me!” After that we knew our conduct was of utter importance to Jane. Why? Because it could bring shame to the reputation she had worked so hard for in the community. It could shame her before her god. And we had no business adding to the load of shame she already carried over such a group of sinners that she was called to pastor. Really? She had “prayed night and day and lost sleep” so we would “make it with God”. Why did we manifest and cause more “work” for her? Do you notice a pattern here? The “more work” was defending herself from the shame she perceived as her members did not reach the perfection she had obtained. Would they ever?
There are other examples which I can recite in a future post. We were always being warned about our conduct in the county and how it reflected on the church. Well, really it reflected on Jane’s perception of her perception within the county and how precious that was/is. There are other angles we will explore in future posts. We are just “scratching the surface” as Gerald would say…
Hotchkiss ends the chapter on “shamelessness”, “… We sense that these people are emotionally shallow, we may think of them as thick-skinned, sure of themselves and aloof. Then, all of the sudden, they may surprise us by reacting to some minor incident or social slight. When shaming sneaks past the barriers, those “shameless” ones are unmasked for what they really are—supremely shame-sensitive. That is when you will see a flash of hurt, usually followed by rage and blame. When the stink of shame has penetrated their walls, they fumigate with a vengeance…. Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways—to face it, neutralize it, and move on as healthier individuals do—leads to the characteristic postures, attitudes, and behavior of the Narcissist.” (page 6 emphasis added)
Is this a great word picture or what? Stink of Shame creeping into the Holy of Holies at WOFF? Actually, the author makes it clear the stink of shame is only perceived by the Narcissist and may be a “minor incident or social slight”. There may be no real cause for shame or even regret. I will pick-up here with the very next post. We will explore how this shame is pushed off or “dumped” on the WOFF members in the course of practicing their “religion”, and how it is used to mold behavior and intensify loyalty to Jane and her “gift”. For now, I must close.
Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.
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(Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 329.