This is the second post from a book titled, “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). The purpose of the book is to put in layman’s term the description of narcissism and also give the reader strategies to live with or around a narcissist. This book is filled with observations and insights that I believe help explain the plight of being a member of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Why?  As mentioned previously, in my opinion, Jane Whaley, as the leader of WOFF, is a prime example of a narcissist who makes her living using religion to control others. For the most part, the author does not mention how religion or religious practices would enter into explaining the methods or “Sins” of a narcissist. However, I will attempt to expand on a few concepts Hotchkiss puts forth and explain them in light of the religious setting at WOFF.

   In the previous post, we covered the shamelessness of a Narcissist that actually is evidence of a very shame-sensitive person who has not learned to process and learn from any situation in life that brings shame for whatever reason. The author listed a few signs from a Narcissist which show they are attempting to direct their shame outward and away from Self.  These situations that brought the reactions may be a “minor incident or social slight”. There may be no real cause for shame or even regret.  We will now explore how this shame is pushed off or “dumped” on the WOFF members in the course of practicing their “religion”, and how it is used to mold behavior and intensify loyalty to Jane and her “gift”.

   Hotchkiss writes in Chapter 2 titled “Magical Thinking”, “THE NEED TO AVOID SHAME at all costs creates a continual dilemma for the Narcissist, as life has a way of regularly doling out humbling experiences that cannot be taken in stride. There is always someone who is better, brighter, more beautiful, more successful, (and) more anything-you-can-think-of. The fact that no one is perfect is of little comfort to Narcissists, however, because they see themselves as the exception to this natural law. Their challenge is to find a way to stay pumped up inside in order to hold these harsh realities at bay. The methods they typically employ involve a considerable amount of distortion and illusion, what psychologists call “magical thinking”.” (page 7)

   Where do I start? First, I would rename the “magical thinking” to “religious delusion” in Jane’s case since she does not believe in “magic”. Right? But, the basis for this religious delusion is still rooted in distortion and illusion. How so? Jane bases her distorted thinking on her perception and private interpretation of Scripture. Well, that is what regular members are led to believe. Remember, Jane submits to no other outside ministers and has all power inside the group. She is IT. Also, Jane always had a Scripture to back up her changes, dictates, rules and edicts. That is the foundation for her religious delusion, her manipulation of the Bible.

   Next, Jane lives as if she is perfect and, in my opinion, from years of observations, when she sees anyone in leadership excelling in preaching or appearance or some other perceived skill, she feels threatened. Does anyone else remember when Brooke wore a more dazzling dress to some special function and Jane rebuked her? How about the times over the years she has put each person in her close leadership on church discipline and put them out of the church until “they find a place of repentance”? At first, when I was inside, I considered this just a power play, but, looking back, it makes sense she felt threatened and had to knock them down a notch or two to deflect the self perceived shame of being out done – even if only in her own thoughts. Her consuming illusion was/is that she was/is perfect and no one else can dare approach her level of “walking with God”, skill or gift or beauty or whatever. It just did not fly inside WOFF. Jane was the top of the pyramid structure – to think different was/is evidence of your delusion.

  When giving an example of a Narcissist, the author writes that they come to depend on their fantasies to insulate them from their inner emptiness. When Jane reacts with rage and deflects the shame she feels on others, is she giving us all loud clear signs of her weakness and her own inner emptiness? That question is worth pondering. Hotchkiss goes on in describing an example case with a narcissist; “Family and acquaintances alike learn to handle this denial of reality with kid gloves, because any serious rupture in the bubble she has created threatens to expose the shame of her self-deception and release an underlying rage” (page 8)  

   Hello! Does that sound like WOFF members walking on egg shells around Jane or what? It was well known that Jane would/could explode at the least little thing and in her delusion declare she was not angry- just expressing the “anger of God”. If that often repeated scenario is not evidence of “religious delusion” then I don’t know what is! Jane lived/lives in her created “religious WOFF bubble”!

   Hotchkiss goes on to describe further the qualities of a Narcissist. “The fantasy world of Narcissists can have a seductive allure that promises to envelop you in its specialness. Their superficial charm can be enchanting, and they often appear complicated, colorful, and exciting as they draw you into their narcissistic web… It is not uncommon, in the presence of such individuals, to feel controlled, manipulated, helpless, and angry – or on an emotional rollercoaster ride. Narcissists exude a powerful force field that is difficult to stay clear of and nearly impossible to control once you have been drawn in. They play on whatever narcissistic vulnerabilities you may have left over from earlier experiences with similar characters.” (page 9)

  The passage explained a lot to me as I remembered reading about Jim Jones, Tony Alamo and Warren Jeffs. These all have been reported to have the “force field” or “aura” around them. It also reminds me of the work from Dr. Len Oakes on prophetic personalities. Jane Whaley certainly fits the above description. She can be enchanting with a certain seductive “religious” allure – though, I know she would disagree with the adjective since it sounds magical. This passage also explains the reason for constant drama in Jane’s presence and WOFF-life in general. In my opinion, for those with certain weaknesses in the area of religion and unaware of the record of Jane’s past and present “skills”, getting caught in her web is likely unless there is some intervention. Ask me, I know. I have lived through it and seen many others caught in and pass through the WOFF web for years on end.

   Hotchkiss continues, “In addition to magical thinking, there are other more hurtful ways that Narcissists distort reality. The most toxic of these is a process where they transfer to someone else whatever evokes shameful feelings in themselves. What psychologists call “projection”, I have renamed shame-dumping, a common phenomenon in narcissistic families.” (pages 9-10, emphasis added) This one sentence led me off in a whole new understanding! I immediately saw at least some of the destructive WOFF dynamics as “religious shame dumping”! Let’s look at this closer.

   In WOFF-life there are many, many rules. We have written about this several times. The rules are made and/or approved by Jane. Could it be that the many unwritten rules serve as a means to dump the shame Jane feels about these “sins” off onto the regular members? In the name of Jane’s WOFF religion, Jane projects the shame she is battling so hard to resist onto her members- simply because this is how she views her role along with her need to protect the fantasy and WOFF-bubble she lives in. Her bubble of self-perceived perfection is made durable by the rules she forces others to live under. But, alas, who can keep the WOFF-law? No one, everyone breaks the rules, and when that is not obvious enough she sees another devil in them! You shameful thing! Get that devil out! With the heavy legalism and constant hunt for devils in her members, Jane continues to dump her shame on members and thus preserves her self-conceived illusion of perfection.

    Robert Lifton writes about this guilt and shame in his explanation on the demand for purity. In “Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism”, “…for by defining and manipulating the criteria for purity, and then by conducting an all out war upon impurity, the ideological totalists create a narrow world of guilt and shame..” (page 424)

    The guilt and shame from the WOFF-life is then relieved as her members seek Jane’s counsel on “hearing God” and how to be free or submit more and keep the WOFF-rules. Jane does not leave her members without a way out! She allows them to seek her counsel and stabilize long enough to process the shame-dump and come back for more! It is such a vicious cycle! The lasting effect creates more loyalty to Jane as the “savior” from all the shame and guilt! She needs members willing to take her religious shame-dumps, protect her bubble of perfection, seek her counsel and worship her gift of hearing God where they missed it, process this new shame and come back for more! She needs others to carry her shame so she does not have to face her inner emptiness and lack of true understanding of the Christian gospel she pretends to preach.

  Over the years since I left WOFF in 2008, I have reflected on the many friends I left behind. This next observation may offend some, but, it fits right here. Once I stepped away from WOFF, I could see the legalism, the religious goofery, and now, the process of religious shame-dumping that holds many in Jane’s aura, force field or narcissistic web for year after year after year. In truth, a WOFF member’s function was/is to prop Jane up in her fantasy and delusion. I participated for many years as a part of the fantasy prop crew and paid tithes and offerings for the privilege! On the other hand, some appear to have grown accustomed to the shame and even expect it since they are ignorant of what is happening to them as I was while inside WOFF. This whole legalistic system which uses shame as it personal currency and robs years of life from its participants has major deception at its roots. Does Jane see the WOFF-system as dysfunctional and destructive? No, she honestly believes she is a blessing to others. For her to be able to overlook and deny the families and individuals which have been destroyed or at the least emotionally impaired because of the WOFF-system she runs is beyond me. In my opinion, she is a classical narcissist completely oblivious to how her life affects those around her. Others who have a different explanation of what has been discussed here, please, comment. We will continue reviewing this book in future posts. The next chapter reveals the arrogance that many narcissists display and why. The reason may surprise you.

   Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

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       (Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 330.