Before we get into the subject of the third post in this series, I must admit I left out a point when closing the previous post. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “magical thinking” in chapter 2. Since Jane Whaley does not believe in magic, we renamed the characteristic “religious delusion” and have attempted to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF).

  “Magical thinking, exploitive idealization, and the devaluation of others via shame-dumping and belittling are all attempts on the part of the Narcissist to avoid feeling defective and insignificant.” We then explained the shame-dumping as religious shame-dumping and how this occurred in the WOFF setting. The next statement reflects on how the Narcissist characteristics affect the closest relationships for that person. “At best, these tactics create barriers to intimacy and acceptance. In a relationship with such a character, you will never know what it is like to be loved and appreciated for who you really are. At worst, the unending distortions will confuse you and wear away your self-esteem.” (page 10)

  Can anyone who has witnessed the constant belittling and badgering of Sam Whaley in WOFF church services by Jane, put forth an explanation that is any more accurate? The process Sam endured as he was molded by Jane into someone other than whom he really appears to be has been hard to watch and confusing to say the least. The apparent pleasure that Jane exhibited as she belittled Sam in front of us all was confusing as it did not seem like the love of God. Of course there was always a spiritual reason for the cuts and digs. Do any WOFF members remember it differently? Let me know. We move on.

WOFF Arrogance and its Roots…

   Hotchkiss writes, “The persona that many Narcissists present to the world often comes across to others a “superiority complex”. But behind the mask of arrogance is a fragile internal balloon of self-esteem that is never satisfied with being good or even very good—if they are not better than, then they are worthless. Value is always relative, never absolute. From their point of view, if someone’s stock goes up, theirs automatically goes down. Conversely, if they are feeling deflated, they can reinflate themselves by diminishing, debasing, or degrading someone else. This is the reason why Narcissists are often bossy, judgmental, perfectionistic, and power-hungry…”  (page 11)

   Let’s break this down and apply to what is known about Jane. Does Jane come across as one with a superiority complex? Even when I was inside, I could see this, but, it was excused because of “Jane’s anointing” or “gift”. Who wants to call the “Prophetess of God” arrogant or acting like she was better than everyone else? After all, that thought fit well in the whole scheme of WOFF; to the faithful members, she WAS better than everyone else! So, though Jane’s attitude was excused or allowed or even admired by regular members, I feel sure it didn’t and/or doesn’t now play well in the community. Agree? What does the author tell us about a person who has this condition? The Narcissist is not better than others but, only trying to hide a “fragile internal balloon of self esteem”. I never had that thought about Jane while inside WOFF. But, this will make more sense as we move forward.

    Continuing in the same paragraph, “They (Narcissists) are simply trying to secure the kind of status that will afford them the most distance from the taint of personal defect and shame.” (page 11) How does this relate to what is known about Jane and her actions inside WOFF? In my opinion, the author is saying that folks like Jane act arrogantly in order to hide their own fear of being found as defective and the shame that would come on them, if their true condition were known. Does this make sense? Please, keep reading.

   “For Narcissists, competition of all kinds is a way to reaffirm their superiority, although many will only compete when they anticipate a favorable outcome. Deeply shamed by defeat, they tend to choose arenas in which they can shine without much risk or effort, and when success happens, they may become compulsive in their pursuit of perfection. Along the way, they crave admiration from others. Admiration-seeking among such Narcissists usually means they are feeling a little unsure of their own superiority and need some refueling.” (page 13)

    Okay, honestly this passage put clarity and answered many questions about WOFF-life. Why the “ministry of softball and basketball”? Why the extreme sensitivity if ANY TEAM from WOFF loses? It is because Jane is SO SENSITIVE when any of her teams lose. Even when the teams had to play each other, there were services rehashing how folks played and if they heard God on when to swing or how to catch a ball or how to stand or how to pay attention or how to minister to the other team or how to not hit the pitcher with your God directed hitting and so on and so forth… You get the picture? Jane gets great satisfaction when her teams win; it feeds something in her- such as HER PUNY, FRAGILE SELF ESTEEM! Is this SAD? The “ministries of softball and basketball” exist to feed Jane’s self-esteem! That is why many of the players carry the attitude they do, whether they know it or not, they are mirroring the attitude of their supreme leader – Jane. Does this make sense? Am I off base here? Oh, I would lose count if I tried to remember all the services where “we would get ahold of the softball or basketball ministry”! Jane directed who could go to the games, when you were allowed to cheer and how and why to cheer and clap for the opposing team. All of it has been choreographed for years! Why? It is obvious, to make sure Jane’s image in the county and in her own thinking was not tarnished and for her sake not a losing image.

    Is Jane competitive? In college, she majored in Physical Education and Math, as far as I remember. Any possibility there was some competition in learning P.E.? And now we know more about why WOFF is involved in the Holocaust Museum. There is practically NO COMPETITION! Jane can bask in the “victories” as she reads the reviews and fields the praises that she and her members receive for their recreations of Holocaust related material. “Deeply shamed by defeat, they tend to choose arenas in which they can shine without much risk or effort, and when success happens, they may become compulsive in their pursuit of perfection”. Does this make sense? Has the Holocaust project been a “pursuit of perfection”? I had written that Jane wanted to beg, borrow or steal credibility with the Holocaust projects. In my opinion, now, we see how this feeds her image of herself and how it helps her avoid the thoughts of inward imperfections or “sin”. Let’s not forget how all this competition is excused as ministry for Jane certainly would not admit to having the “competition devil”! How many services did she take to hit that in others and cast it out of them by exposing their love of competing? Did she ever see it in herself? Not that I remember.

   The author writes, “Sore losers” are often Narcissists who cannot bear to be exposed as less than the best. For them, there is nothing acceptable about being ordinary or average—if they can’t be superior, they are nothing.” (page 13) Does this help explain the drive for every area of WOFF to express “God’s best”? Is it really expressing Jane’s best and fulfilling her need to be “superior”? Is it possible that this drive to distance themselves from ordinary comes off as arrogance from WOFF members, when in reality it is the old trap of salvation through works?

    This next passage will help explain how a Narcissist, who is caught up in a self-serving perversion of religion could evolve into a religious cult leader. I will quote this passage and offer some insights from my time inside WOFF.  “If having an appreciative audience is good, having control over them is even better. Power for the Narcissist is not only affirmation of superiority but also a means of controlling others to ensure “narcissistic supplies” – anything that feeds a fragile ego. The more power they have, the more freely they can diminish others to keep them inflated… At the root of the harm inflicted on others is the need to get rid of the exaggerated shame of real or imaginary inferiority… An arrogant and superior attitude thus serves as a protective barrier that keeps the “stink” of imperfection off the Narcissist, providing insulation from intolerable feelings of shame about personal shortcomings.” (page 14)

   In the practice of the Jane’s WOFF-religion, she uses this religion as the “means of controlling others to ensure “narcissistic supplies” – anything (or anyone) that feeds a fragile ego.” Combining the author’s observations with my experience from the years at WOFF, I believe the faithful WOFF members serve to feed Jane’s fragile ego so she can avoid the “stink” of imperfection” and “the exaggerated shame of (many) real or imaginary inferiorit(ies).”  The WOFF arrogance stems from Jane’s drive to feed the need to be “superior”. I cannot say that every member serving Jane is even aware of the attitude of arrogance or how it is perceived in the surrounding community. For many, it is “how God’s people live” and the attitude that WOFF members are the only true Christians and the only ones who will make heaven is a natural or shall we say “supernatural” outgrowth of Jane’s weakness and her teachings.

   In a future post we will continue our review of the characteristics of Narcissists and how religion can play a part in them controlling others. Next up will be the Envy in a Narcissist. Comments are welcome.

    Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

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       (Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 332.