This is the fifth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Envy” in chapter 4. I have put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.
As a review, we have discussed several characteristics of a narcissist. The list so far has included – shamelessness – which actually was found to be a “supremely shame sensitive” nature. Next, we looked at “magical thinking” in a narcissist. Since Jane Whaley does not believe in magic and uses religion to further her goals, we renamed this as “religious delusion”. The term explains a lot about the distortion of reality. After that we covered “arrogance” and its origins at WOFF. The author explained the competition in a narcissist and how the arrogance “serves as a protective barrier to keep the “stink” of imperfection off the Narcissist, providing insulation from feelings of shame about personal shortcomings.” (page 14) And in the previous post, we discussed the envy in a Narcissist and the maneuvers made to satisfy it, while all the while denying its existence.
Hotchkiss writes that the sense of “entitlement” is another “deadly sin” of narcissism. She describes the nature of a narcissist to include the attitude reflected in these statements: “If you cannot make yourself useful in meeting my need, then you are of no value and will most likely be treated accordingly, and if you defy my will, prepare to feel my wrath. Hell hath no fury like the Narcissist denied.” (page 20) This plays out in a more subtle manner at WOFF. Within the WOFF-religion, Jane’s ultimate need is adulation from as many people as will believe her “gospel”. To believe her “gospel” is to stay in her group and worship her. If you cannot do this, then as a WOFF member, you will be treated accordingly. This could be an attempt to reeducate you to “God’s will” by putting you on church discipline or putting you out of the church. If you vocalize or act against her will, you will see and feel her wrath. If you doubt, ask those who have been so “blessed”. I know a few.
“Narcissists hold these unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves uniquely special. In social situations, you will talk about them or what they are interested in because they are more important, more knowledgeable, or more captivating than anyone else.” (page 20) I will just say it because for those who have been around Jane for any length of time, they will either see it or go to great lengths to deny it. Over time, one learns that Jane carries an attitude that she is “uniquely special”. She is more knowledgeable about her “Jesus” and why you do not know him or love him and need to repent. Jane will eventually get to this subject, if you let her talk long enough. I was told, and thus used to believe this was her gift. I now consider it as an indication of who SHE believes SHE is and not about Jesus at all. In my opinion, when this happens, she is fishing for an attitude or some evidence that could help her determine if you are a candidate for her “church” or adulation team. Why? Because your worth to her is to be “useful in meeting my(her) need”. Simply put, that is to be a working part of the group that follows her every word and is meant to confirm that she is “uniquely special”.
The author continues to describe the entitlement of a narcissist. “And if they have real power over you, they feel entitled to use you as they see fit, you must not question their authority. Any failure to comply will be seen as an attack their superiority. Defiance to their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger rage and self righteous aggression.” (page 20) I will just start by saying that this is an accurate description of WOFF-life for regular members who must stay the line with Jane’s will, as it is sold as “God’s will”. This is all part of the religious cloud that covers Jane true illness. She has founded a religion that places her at the top while all the time disguising her will as God’s will. If you doubt, then try to do something original that you honestly believe you should do — like leave WOFF, and see if Jane confirms that in her spirit! If it is not her idea first, you “did not hear God”. Because of her unique specialness, she is entitled to hear God for you and you are required to agree or you did not hear God. If you don’t follow what she hears for your life, you are in rebellion to God! Yes, that makes perfect WOFF-sense, right?
Hotchkiss goes on to explain the stages of development from childhood that a healthy child passes through maturing out of the “terrible twos” where they are “the center of the universe”. When I read that I had to chuckle, as I have used that phrase to describe certain children older than two who live in WOFF! “The undeflated child turns into an arrogant adult who expects others to serve as constant mirrors of his or her wonderfulness. In positions of power, they can be egotistical tyrants who will have their way without regard for anyone else.” (page 21) Well, she said it, I didn’t. Do these statements possibly explain how Jane became who she is today?
This next passage is so full of key insights, I will comment after each statement. These are all from page 22: “It is not worthiness the Narcissist feels when he or she communicates “I deserve”. In Jane’s religion, she “deserves” because God wants her to have these things. What things? These things or “blessings” include CLOTHES, shoes, purses, fine jewelry, a big house and so on and so on. I heard her say if she laid her clothes out on the ground, they would cover two city blocks. She expresses her entitlement by the “gospel” she preaches with her lifestyle. Sam is more open and sometimes takes criticism from Jane for how he takes up offerings. But, she does not deny what she feels she deserves. Her conscious must be clear as her religion allows her to “deserve”.
“Narcissistic entitlement has nothing to do with genuine self-esteem, which comes from real accomplishment and being true to one’s own ideals.” From others parts of this book, it is clear Jane’s self-esteem is weak as she must depend on the adulation for the image she projects to keep her afloat. “Individuals who feel entitled to respect without giving it in return, or who expect rewards without effort, or a life free of discomfort, are forfeiting any power they might have to shape their own destiny.” Is it too much to acknowledge that Jane feels she deserves “respect”? After all, look at the sacrifices she has made for her members! And if asked, I believe Jane would say she has deep respect for her members. That, my friend, would be a big lie. Jane acts as if she deserves respect, but will not give it back to her members. How do we know? She does not respect them enough to allow them to make their own choices in their life! She cannot truly respect those whom she controls. Do you agree?
We will explain in more detail Jane’s entitlement to a life free of discomfort in a subsequent post. Here is a quote Jim Jones and showing how he felt about this matter. From The Raven, (Copyright©1982 by Tim Reiterman, published by the Penguin Group, ISBN- 978-1-58542-678-2)- the beginning of Part Six- The Emperor Jones, “I can do anything I want because I’ve sacrificed to give everybody the good life.” Jim Jones September 1977, ham radio broadcast from Jonestown.” (page 343) We remember the “good life” Jim Jones provided. His comment reminded me of Jane’s proclamation that she had prayed all night and lost sleep because of our sin! “Your sin makes me sick!” She was, in essence, reminding us why she deserved better than the life she had around us sinners. Were her prayers very effective if she constantly reminded us of them and how we still were “full of sin”? Yes, she is entitled to better!
Hotchkiss continues in the same passage, “They (the Narcissist) assume an essentially passive role and count on outside forces to make them happy.” At first, this seems like a contradiction when watching Jane. Is she passive? If I understand the author, the narcissist can be active in controlling others, but, passive is seeking true happiness within themselves as they depend on others to affirm their worthiness and trumpet their beauty. This is because inwardly, the putrid “stink of their own imperfections” can overtake them at any minute and crush their faux construct called Self.
“When what they expect does not happen, they feel impotent. By claiming entitlement, they demand to live in the fantasy world of a one-year-old child. No wonder they are enraged. Entitlement and the rage that comes with it are tip-offs to the arrest in healthy development that is narcissism.” (page 22) Does anyone still deny that Jane can hit a fit of rage in a split second, all the while excusing it as “the anger of God”? She may deceive herself in this, but, I am not deceived. In my opinion and to my understanding, the author has explained quite clearly the entitlement attitude that exudes from Jane. I also see how she uses the religion she has constructed to attempt to cover her weaknesses; all the while craving the worship and fawning attention of her members.
We will continue to explore The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism. The next one the author explains is “Exploitation”. That is right; I am not making this up! Wow, that should be easy to recognize in Jane and at WOFF. Here is a quote from the next chapter which we will explore in a future post, “Exploitation can take many forms but always involves the using of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other (person) is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible.” (page 25) Who would honestly deny the pyramid structure of WOFF and that such a structure makes situations ripe for exploitation? As Jane and her die-hard believers (leadership) are willing to do whatever it takes to make others “walk with God”; the feelings and interests of regular members are ignored, mocked and subject to ridicule. I must close, but, please return to read the next post in this series. In it we will share about the exploitation at WOFF. As each month passes, I learn more and more.
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Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, for posts written by John Huddle, any information about WOFF is from his memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 336.