Over the last few weeks, I have noticed something very peculiar. It may have been going on for a long time and just recently came to my attention. During the normal course of living, I run into people I have never met before and we inevitably strike up conversations about our individual lives. Sometimes, I purposely leave out parts of my past and as far as I can tell, this is done with no set criteria. Some days, I just don’t feel like talking about being a former cult member. On days that is seems relevant and I do talk about it, I generally give the short version. Why? Well, I have learned over time that very few people outside of Rutherford County have any interest in hearing it and many cannot relate to the experience. I suspect the non-interest comes for any number of reasons. Any one of which could range from disbelief to negative experiences of their own that have never been sorted out or processed.
After giving a very brief summary of the last few years, I have noticed that several folks have responded with, “I am sorry for your loss…” Now, when I first heard that response I didn’t think much of it. I suspected the individual was just truly searching for something compassionate to say while not openly inviting further discussion, if I was not comfortable with the subject. You know, as one may respond to the news of another person having lost a loved one or dear friend to death or divorce. Maybe that is it. See, I have lost close family members to a death of sorts and certainly to a divorce. And yes, it makes sense that a person realizing my loss, would respond, “I am sorry for your loss…”
The results have been discussed here before. After being under the influence of the teachings and practices of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF) for 16 years, I left the group in July of 2008. That was after Jane Whaley put me out of the group after she was told by Liisa Bryson about a discussion we had. So, which was it? Was I put out or did I leave? I was put out of the church and banned from church property June of 2008, and then I left the WOFF household I had lived in since October of 2002. Regardless of the technical terms of the separation from WOFF, the net effect was the same as many others who count themselves as former members. My family stayed in and the death of our relationships progressed similar to the dying or dead relationships of others who left family members behind.
So, it makes perfect sense for those first hearing about the results of 16 years of being inside WOFF and now outside, to express their concern for my loss. It does not mean they have a full understanding of the scope of the losses or how it feels. It is just a simple expression of concern. When this response comes, I usually say – thank you. Next, I look for signs of any further interest in the subject. If there are some additional questions, I mention this blog as well as some other resources. Occasionally, I meet folks who have had a relative caught in a cult group or a few even share about their own religious cults experiences. Those conversations can and sometimes do reveal some very interesting similarities.
As I mulled the content for this post, I began to understand that the same expression of concern would fit for those still inside a religious cult or controlling group. The difference was that any losses experienced by WOFF members would not be viewed as “losses”. I remember the rationalizations! The choices made to conform to the rules and dictates of WOFF were said to be “how God’s people live”, the price for serving God, the narrow road, or simply fulfilling the call of God on your life. Burning bridges and walking away for family relationships was expected and “normal” during WOFF days. I did this and while you are inside, you are not allowed to see these burned bridges as losses. But, for the goal set before us, we pressed in the narrow way. Really? So, separating you from friends or relatives not serving God at WOFF or even those who just live elsewhere and don’t come to seminars and sit at Jane’s feet; those are not losses? On the one hand, moving from your home and quitting your job and uprooting your family to “move to Spindale” is said to being part of the move of God– was it really? Giving your time above and beyond and in sacrifice of your family duties was a gain or a loss? It depends in your perspective. From Jane’s perspective it was a gain. Her house cleaning chores got done, her grass was cut, her houses remodeled and her narcissistic supply met. From the perspective of the many regular members who lost irreplaceable time with their growing families, it was a loss, though this loss may not be recognized when it happens.
See that is part of the sham. Working for the Lord at the cost of family was not discussed at WOFF. Why? From what I could tell, Jane didn’t see working long hours for the Lord as being in conflict with being with your family. After all, for many husbands, they gave to perversion or foolishness when they were with their children. How do I know? Jane said so.
If I were to list the women who have divorced their husbands because the husbands chose not to worship at WOFF and count Jane’s words as God’s words- you may be shocked. Some spouses may have gone along with the sham for a while even though they lived out of state. I certainly don’t know every situation. However, it seems that the longer I am out the more I learn of the losses I experienced while inside. So, toward present WOFF members, I could say- “I am sorry for your loss…”
Actually, it would be more accurate to say, “I am sorry for your losses…” Now, each member may not suffer each one of the losses listed here, but, I will name what I consider the most common ones. Those in leadership or higher on the pyramidal structure may not have to surrender certain rights or choices.
Losses encountered while being a WOFF member:
1. Loss of personal freedoms to associate with people of your own choosing.
2. Loss of personal freedoms to access to media and sources that may contain criticism of WOFF/Jane.
3. Loss of freedom to choose your own college, studies or career path.
4. Loss of freedom to choose a friend or mate without having Jane’s approval.
5. Loss of freedom to live where ever you decide.
6. Loss of ability to work at any job you chose without Jane’s approval.
7. Loss of personal space. All conversations with member or non-members were/are subject to monitoring and or recording.
8. Loss of recreation and unhindered family times. At WOFF- we didn’t take “vacations”.
9. Loss of unhindered transportation.
10. Loss of access to your own personal computer, cell phone or other personal property.
11. Loss of health insurance, paid holidays, 401 K plans, life insurance or benefits with employers other than a church-member owned businesses.
12. Loss of ability to wear clothes of your own choosing.
13. Loss of personal grooming choices.
14. Loss of ability to openly and fairly express doubts or questions about decisions made by leadership/Jane.
15. Loss of ability to take notes and write down personal reflections during church services.
16. Loss of access to music of your own choosing other than WOFF/Jane approved music.
17. Loss of or never having access to the financial decisions made by Jane with church generated income from member’s tithes and offerings.
18. Loss of personal freedom to read books of your own choosing without leadership approval.
19. Loss of parental freedoms to rear children without Jane’s approvals.
20. Loss of the ability to call or see losses for what they truly are—losses.
You may see more than I list here and please, comment and share your perspective on the losses experienced by WOFF members. For all members still in WOFF, “I am sorry for your losses…” The losses don’t have to be permanent.
Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.
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Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, for posts written by John Huddle, any information about WOFF is from his memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 365.