We have posted from Janis Hutchinson’s book, “Out of the Cults and Into the Church” (copyright© 1994 by Janis Hutchinson, Kregel Resources, ISBN 0-8254-2885-8) in previous posts; however, it have been almost eighteen months since we did so. Recently, I have recommended this book to other survivors and it has been received well. I was reviewing material from Chapter 10 titled: The Precarious Transition Period.(page 187) The author’s direction for writing the book includes among other things an emphasis to help former cult members make steps out of their former group and into the Christian community. I will quote from her work and then expand on it to include other thoughts on this transition period.

  “There is a danger period—that precarious stage after a new convert finally acknowledges cult beliefs as unbiblical, knows he or she made a correct decision in leaving, has pretty much dealt with the problems, and is just about to cross over the line into full assimilation into the Christian community.

   It is at this point that former cultists suddenly find themselves entering an in-between stage. It is like crossing a bridge with the cult behind them at one end and the Christian community ahead—but they stop in the middle. In this suspended, limbo-like period, they are neither here nor there.”(pages 187-188)

Let me stop here and explain that as I left the Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF) “community” in 2008 after being put out; it would be accurate to say there was more than one “bridge” to consider. I understand the author’s point and it certainly was true for me. There was a period of several months where I did not darken the door of a church. After a time, I did enter a church that was recommended by friends and co-workers. But, the differences were overwhelming and almost caused me to run out the door the first day! In fact, what scared me more than the differences was anything that was perceived as the SAME as life at WOFF—even if it was not intended or meant to have the same purpose! In many respects, I have crossed the bridge into a new church, but have several issues when it comes to “joining a church” or even regular attendance to any structured Bible study. Can anyone else relate? I am just being honest. The struggle to reconnect to some of the most basic Christian church practices has been real and it has been frustrating. The hesitancy has nothing to do with the new people I meet; it has everything to do with the place I left. I believe this is why this book has proved so helpful.

The author continues, “A “culture,” says Philip R. Harris, “gives people a sense of who they are, of belonging…. How they should behave, and … what they should be doing.”² And during this precarious in-between stage, this sense is entirely lost.” (page 188- [reference-Philip R. Harris and Robert T. Moran, managing Cultural Differences (Houston: Gulf Publishing Co, 1987),12])  Who would deny that WOFF is indeed a complete sub-culture which supplies to its members a definitive sense of who they should be, who they are, a sense of belonging, a detailed construct of how to behave and obviously tells them what they should be doing. Can we get past doubting that? In reality, when a member leaves this complete sub-culture, there is a great sense of loss, at least for a time. Some of these losses have been written about in previous posts. In my opinion, the losses can be overcome and in fact a more satisfying sense of worth not dependent on Jane Whaley can be found once outside her control.

Later in the book when describing the search a former cult member has for another church environment, the author writes, “The rule of thumb that soon reveals itself is: The greater the number  of needs met in a cult, the greater the sense of loss in those churches that do not fulfill them.” (page 190) I understand the author’s point of reference. However, this rule of thumb has much broader implications when considering such a totalistic environment such as WOFF. If you were inside WOFF for any length of time you became totally dependent on the group for many, many things. When a person leaves, there are so many areas that require changes, searching for new supply and even boundaries. To put in mildly, a person coming out of WOFF has to either build for the first time who they really are or reconnect with who they were before WOFF. For some it is a mix of both happening at the very same time. That is the painful process that marks the first months and years of former WOFF members. The bridge analogy works well as several phrases to describe bridges apply at different times.  “This bridge is out” can describe areas of your life that you just don’t want to face right now. How many of those do you have? “Bridge under construction”- yes, some areas just take a large amount of time to face and maneuver through. “Detour Ahead- Bridge Washed Out”…. That explains itself. We are just going around that one and find another way…

In this analogy of bridges and those faced by ex-cult members, there are several more to cross in addition to the one mentioned by the author. I will mention some of mine and invite others to comment and share their experiences. Before we go further let us be reminded that all of these “bridges” can be a first time experience for many former members. Many members who have grown up in WOFF have had very little to NO socialization for even the most basic skills needed to live on their own. For many, they have been in the WOFF bubble and never ventured out- for obvious reasons. Former members may have never had a driver’s license or owned their own transportation. Some may not have their social security card or birth certificate in their possession. All of these obstacles can be bridges to cross or doorways to pass through and the unknowns that lie on the other side can create apprehension and anxiety to say the least. Some may even refuse to face the bridge or stop in the middle of making the decision because of the fear of the unknown or the ever present- “Am I doing this right?” The fear(s) that keeps many inside WOFF does not automatically dispel or vanish when a person leaves WOFF. In many cases, I believe fears from WOFF days can take on a new face and if not conquered, follow ex-WOFF members for years and years.

First, there was the bridge from being immersed into a family and the dynamics of that experience to living alone. Why? Why should that have been a bridge to cross? I had been married for 20 years at that point. My children were 13 and 17 at that time. It was all a twisted mess as communication was stiff to eventually non-existent. This bridge was one that other former members had traveled, but, your time to walk across is a lonely time for sure- heart-wrenching, painful and downright scary. All the time you have to ask yourself- WHY? What is the reason for this family train-wreck? Does walking through a minefield better describe the experience? You are being told “repent and return to God, cry out for his mercy, if you loved us you would return to “god”. Conditions for seeing your children suddenly pop up as all of those in WOFF proclaim that the church has nothing to do with the requirements—really? Who in their right mind believes or believed that? Who was generating the requirements I had to meet in order to see my children and my wife at that time? You tell me. The conflict and turmoil on the bridge out of WOFF named “destruction of family” more closely resembled to chaos in the last bridge scene in the movie – “Saving Private Ryan”. Do you remember that one?

There were other bridges to cross after leaving WOFF, some involved practical issues such as deciding on and finding a place to live and all that includes, down to making every day choices for food and clothing. Several former members have never lived on their own; or like me, it has been so many years, it may take a little help to get started.  Other issues or bridges to cross included social and were more relationship issues. How do you decide who to be friends with? Will you try “new things”? Do you want to keep some WOFF rules and totally ignore others? Why does that matter? Will you wear jeans or shorts? Will you wear Nike®?

A practical bridge many have to face has to do with employment. I had work outside of WOFF before I left. That was not a bridge for me. But, for those that do not, obtaining employment can be very difficult. Many former members who grew up in WOFF have not been paid for working or at least not paid a market rate. Is that a surprise? In many cases, working for a WOFF member-owned company was blurred by the phrase- this is your “ministry” or you were “in training” and thus were not compensated. (Benefits? Are you kidding me?) So, having any valuable experience to put on a resume’ is difficult for many former members. Any if you did list a WOFF member-owned company on your resume’- what kind of reference would you expect?

Are you facing a bridge in your life? Are you stuck in the middle of a critical bridge or decision and can’t seem to decide if crossing over is best or is going back is what you need to do? Many times, circumstances and the decisions of others force me over a bridge or into a making a choice. That pressure is not the best for me. I suppose all of us would like to take our own time and proceed on the journey of life at our own pace. But, for those who are now or who have been involved in WOFF or a similar group- once you decide to come out- run and don’t look back. No matter the choices you face in the future, life is better outside even if we stumble over a bridge and seem hurt by the experience. Life inside WOFF was surreal at best and does not reflect the realities we were bound to face at one time or another.  The many bridges we face in our lives can take us over to better places, new experiences, and more peace —  until eventually we find the path we truly want to be living, including the freedom(s) we were meant to enjoy.

Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

Guest posts reflect the opinions of the writers. Their opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of John Huddle or any other persons affiliated with this blog.

Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, for posts written by John Huddle, any information about WOFF is from his memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 386.