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Books, Resources for learning about religious cults

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Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (6) – Exploitation

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  This is the sixth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Entitlement” in chapter 5. I have put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.

  Hotchkiss begins Chapter 6 “Exploitation”, by giving some background perspective on how a healthy person learns to empathize with others. “The ability to empathize, to grasp accurately how another person feels and to feel compassionate in response, requires us to step outside ourselves momentarily to tune in to someone else… We may or may not share the feelings being expressed, but we accept them without judgment or distortion.” She writes that in moments of empathy, “…, we do bridge the gap between two separate beings. That cannot happen unless we are able to experience ourselves as separate in the first place. The sense of one’s Self as separate and autonomous is a developmental milestone that normally occurs in small increments between the ages of one to three or four. In order to read others accurately, we must first be able to see ourselves in realistic terms and identify our feelings as belonging to us.” (page 23)  

   As I write this, I am reminded that when member of WOFF reads this, it may seem like a foreign language. WOFF members do not get any training and therefore have no real trust in explanations of life events from a psychological perspective. If I quoted Scripture profusely, then they would be able to assess and analyze the positions taken. Yes, much of this has been new for me to comprehend and reconcile with the teachings I was under for many years. But, let’s go forward and keep digging.

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Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Reflections on “Escape” by Carolyn Jessop – from Lahna Morakis

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    The book in reference is “Escape” by Carolyn Jessop. (Copyright©2007, author- Carolyn Jessop and Laura Palmer, published by Broadway Books NY, ISBN- 978-0-76792756-7) In case you may not be aware, Carolyn Jessop was married to Merril Jessop, a high ranking official in the Fundamental Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS) until she had the courage to escape this polygamous and abusive cult.  I had this book on my shelf for several years, but did not read it until last week.  I realize now how timing is of such importance. I have had time to heal from my involvement with WOFF or so I thought. It has been my experience, once you are exposed to cult life and cult practices you never totally heal. The mind is like a computer storing information and there are triggers that set memories in motion. For me, it was reading this book. The similarities between the FLDS and Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF) were/are uncanny.  Aside from the “prairie dresses” as I call them and the plural marriages, the premise for these two cults is the same. Remember, mind control is the basis for all cults. It is exercised in every and all aspects of a cult member’s life. It was interesting to learn that the FLDS started out much like WOFF, and just like WOFF, as time went on there were “new revelations” given to “leadership”. As a result, members were forced to relinquish more and more freedoms.  If they did not comply, they were shunned. Since I do not believe the average person can fathom exactly what that means, I’d like to share from my experiences of being shunned. 

     My background is Italian and Greek, both of which reflect a very tightly knit family unit. In 2007, a family reunion was planned in Tarpon Springs, Florida for all the people who were from the same island in Greece as my father.  My mother and father were elderly and could not travel alone; therefore I offered to take them. Because there would be dancing and music, and as a result of Jane Whaley’s counsel; my husband refused to take me to the airport, watch our dog for the week, pick me up when I returned or speak to me the entire time I was away. At that time, it was too early for me to realize where the “orders” were coming from. When a spouse shuns you to that degree, which is totally foreign to their nature, you know they are being controlled by someone or something else.

   Continue reading Reflections on “Escape” by Carolyn Jessop – from Lahna Morakis →

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A Life Free of Discomfort…

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   In the previous post, we were quoting from the book, “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). In Chapter 5, the author was describing a narcissist and wrote this, ““Individuals who feel entitled to respect without giving it in return, or who expect rewards without effort, or a life free of discomfort, are forfeiting any power they might have to shape their own destiny.” (page 22) We mentioned expounding on the phrase – “a life free from discomfort” in a future post. I delayed writing about this phrase because it fit well with another book I have been reading.

    The book is titled, “Radical” by David Platt. (Copyright©2010 by David Platt, published by Multnomah Books –Colorado Springs, CO, ISBN-978-1-60142-221-7) The subtitle is “Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream”. This is not a book on cults. The author does not name cults or pretend his message is directed toward or meant for cults or those studying them. However, I believe his message does apply to those getting free from a captivating message that has stifled and muffled many a desire to serve God. My perspective has been shaped by the many years I spent at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). What former member can deny that Jane Whaley and Sam Whaley preach a gospel laden with the prosperity message? I heard Sam say more than once, “If God is not blessing you- then something is wrong with you.” He then would go on about the nice clothes, fine cars and house that many WOFF members had and how that was evidence to him that God was “blessing them”. He also would spend time telling how proud he was when his car buddies would go through the church parking lot when it was full and tell Sam, “You all must be doing something right, there are some nice cars in that lot!” Even though Jane goes through periods where she will regress and not emphasize the “prosperity message”, who can deny she lives it, loves it and benefits from it?

   Frankly, I must admit that during the 80’s when I first became aware of certain preachers and the faith/prosperity message, I was attracted to it. At that time, I was young in “the faith” and could not see the traps that this type of message holds. I endeavored to learn it, live it and preach it. So, what I am about to share is not from a standpoint of never having been a part of the problem. In years past, I have attended other churches besides WOFF that preached the faith/prosperity message to one degree or another. All that being said; I did spend the years from 1992 until 2008 listening to Jane and others inside of WOFF and believe I have some ability to assess the gospel Jane preaches. More than what Jane says, we must take a gander at how Jane’s gospel is practiced at WOFF. I will compare the massage of “Radical” with the WOFF message that many of us have endured during our years in WOFF.

   Continue reading A Life Free of Discomfort… →

Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (5) – Is Jane Entitled?

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  This is the fifth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Envy” in chapter 4. I have put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.

    As a review, we have discussed several characteristics of a narcissist. The list so far has included – shamelessness – which actually was found to be a “supremely shame sensitive” nature. Next, we looked at “magical thinking” in a narcissist. Since Jane Whaley does not believe in magic and uses religion to further her goals, we renamed this as “religious delusion”. The term explains a lot about the distortion of reality. After that we covered “arrogance” and its origins at WOFF. The author explained the competition in a narcissist and how the arrogance “serves as a protective barrier to keep the “stink” of imperfection off the Narcissist, providing insulation from feelings of shame about personal shortcomings.”  (page 14) And in the previous post, we discussed the envy in a Narcissist and the maneuvers made to satisfy it, while all the while denying its existence.

   Hotchkiss writes that the sense of “entitlement” is another “deadly sin” of narcissism. She describes the nature of a narcissist to include the attitude reflected in these statements: “If you cannot make yourself useful in meeting my need, then you are of no value and will most likely be treated accordingly, and if you defy my will, prepare to feel my wrath. Hell hath no fury like the Narcissist denied.” (page 20) This plays out in a more subtle manner at WOFF. Within the WOFF-religion, Jane’s ultimate need is adulation from as many people as will believe her “gospel”. To believe her “gospel” is to stay in her group and worship her. If you cannot do this, then as a WOFF member, you will be treated accordingly. This could be an attempt to reeducate you to “God’s will” by putting you on church discipline or putting you out of the church. If you vocalize or act against her will, you will see and feel her wrath. If you doubt, ask those who have been so “blessed”.  I know a few.

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Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (4) – Is There Envy at WOFF?

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Is There Envy at WOFF?

  This is the fourth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Arrogance” in chapter 3. I put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.

   Hotchkiss writes, “The Narcissist’s need to secure a sense of superiority encounters an obstacle whenever someone else appears to have something that he or she lacks. Pop goes the internal balloon as the other’s threat to the superiority of Me registers deep within the unconscious…. What weapon does the Narcissist choose to silence the rumblings of shame?… The answer is contempt… Never mind that the “so and so” may be utterly humble and completely unaware of having given offense – this is a narcissistic distortion akin to shame-dumping and may have no connection to reality.” (page 15)

   Honestly, when I first read this chapter it did not register as I still had a problem with assigning to Jane Whaley the characteristic of envy. Part of that is because in my thinking, this trait had to be simply obvious. As I read further and began to recall certain events at WOFF, my thinking began to change. The author makes a point that the alarms and signals of distress in the narcissist register “deep within the unconscious” mind. Also, she writes that the offending party may be “completely unaware of having given offense”. The author continues, “Then comes the laundry list of the other’s flaws and it can get pretty dirty. The intent, usually quite unconscious, is to soil the other (person) enough so that the Narcissist, by comparison is restored to the superior position. There may be awareness of feelings of disdain (always justified of course), but the feeling of envy will be adamantly denied. To admit envy would be to acknowledge inferiority, which no good Narcissist would ever do.” (page 15-16)  

   Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (4) – Is There Envy at WOFF? →

Books, Resources, Uncategorized

Invitation for Contributions

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   An email I received recently was from a former member of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). That in itself is not unusual. However, this time, the email contained a brief review of a book that I had purchased, but not read. That was exciting, as I replied to this person and asked them to expand on the ideas and allow their ideas to be posted here on this blog. This led me to realize that I have used guest posts previously, but, I could use more.

   So, here is the official invitation. All of those who have been former members of any religious cult are invited to submit material to be posted. This can be their story of before, during and after their involvement in their particular group or a book or resource review that is pertinent to the theme of this blog. There are so many books, websites and cultic groups that there is no way I can learn about and write about them all. Just this evening, I found a web resource out of Canada that deserves attention. After some further research, I will share the links. Included in this sight are some vital links to legal cases and reports from several countries about cults and their effects. There is so much activity in other countries that could have a bearing on what goes on in this country; I am not able to give each resource the attention it needs.  

   In a review found here – http://provendersearch.blogspot.com/2011/07/religious-cults-info.html -the author refers to this blog: “This blog focuses on alleged spiritually abusive practices of Word of Faith Fellowship in North Carolina, but includes links to other spiritually abusive situations as well. Author John Huddle includes helpful tips, news sites and decent links to spiritual abuse resources — as well as personal observations and stories of abuse from the WOFF.”  

   One purpose of this blog is to be a help to those who are in a religious cult group and/or who are coming out of one. In my opinion, we could better serve this purpose as others provide their insights and understandings from either their own personal experience or writing reviews of resources they have found helpful in their journey. We have had great comments left by survivors and that does help. Please, keep them coming. Another way to help would be to provide your survivor story and allow others to benefit and gain hope from leaving a religious cult group. This could be helpful for those who write them, as well as those who read the accounts.

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Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized, WOFF Updates

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (3) – WOFF Arrogance?

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  Before we get into the subject of the third post in this series, I must admit I left out a point when closing the previous post. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “magical thinking” in chapter 2. Since Jane Whaley does not believe in magic, we renamed the characteristic “religious delusion” and have attempted to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF).

  “Magical thinking, exploitive idealization, and the devaluation of others via shame-dumping and belittling are all attempts on the part of the Narcissist to avoid feeling defective and insignificant.” We then explained the shame-dumping as religious shame-dumping and how this occurred in the WOFF setting. The next statement reflects on how the Narcissist characteristics affect the closest relationships for that person. “At best, these tactics create barriers to intimacy and acceptance. In a relationship with such a character, you will never know what it is like to be loved and appreciated for who you really are. At worst, the unending distortions will confuse you and wear away your self-esteem.” (page 10)

  Can anyone who has witnessed the constant belittling and badgering of Sam Whaley in WOFF church services by Jane, put forth an explanation that is any more accurate? The process Sam endured as he was molded by Jane into someone other than whom he really appears to be has been hard to watch and confusing to say the least. The apparent pleasure that Jane exhibited as she belittled Sam in front of us all was confusing as it did not seem like the love of God. Of course there was always a spiritual reason for the cuts and digs. Do any WOFF members remember it differently? Let me know. We move on.

Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (3) – WOFF Arrogance? →