Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (5) – Is Jane Entitled?

Leave a comment

  This is the fifth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Envy” in chapter 4. I have put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.

    As a review, we have discussed several characteristics of a narcissist. The list so far has included – shamelessness – which actually was found to be a “supremely shame sensitive” nature. Next, we looked at “magical thinking” in a narcissist. Since Jane Whaley does not believe in magic and uses religion to further her goals, we renamed this as “religious delusion”. The term explains a lot about the distortion of reality. After that we covered “arrogance” and its origins at WOFF. The author explained the competition in a narcissist and how the arrogance “serves as a protective barrier to keep the “stink” of imperfection off the Narcissist, providing insulation from feelings of shame about personal shortcomings.”  (page 14) And in the previous post, we discussed the envy in a Narcissist and the maneuvers made to satisfy it, while all the while denying its existence.

   Hotchkiss writes that the sense of “entitlement” is another “deadly sin” of narcissism. She describes the nature of a narcissist to include the attitude reflected in these statements: “If you cannot make yourself useful in meeting my need, then you are of no value and will most likely be treated accordingly, and if you defy my will, prepare to feel my wrath. Hell hath no fury like the Narcissist denied.” (page 20) This plays out in a more subtle manner at WOFF. Within the WOFF-religion, Jane’s ultimate need is adulation from as many people as will believe her “gospel”. To believe her “gospel” is to stay in her group and worship her. If you cannot do this, then as a WOFF member, you will be treated accordingly. This could be an attempt to reeducate you to “God’s will” by putting you on church discipline or putting you out of the church. If you vocalize or act against her will, you will see and feel her wrath. If you doubt, ask those who have been so “blessed”.  I know a few.

   Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (5) – Is Jane Entitled? →

Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

What WOFF Members Say is “Relative”?

2 Comments

  Recently, I was reminded of Jane Whaley’s logic when it comes to tell the “truth”.  After this mantra was retold to me, I felt sure I had heard it myself while I was in Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). In fact, when LB came to my door last year with another person from WOFF, she quoted the beginning of this Jane-ism. (see that post here- “A Knock at the Door…” https://religiouscultsinfo.com/?p=572 …) At least once, and maybe several times during my WOFF days, I heard Jane say something similar to the following. This is a paraphrase since we were not allowed to take notes, but, you will be able to see the meaning.

   If you witnessed an accident along with ten other people and each person was asked to tell what they saw, there would probably be ten different accounts. If you told what you saw that would be the facts as you saw them. But, if you only told what God told you to say – that would be “truth”. LB used this logic to say that I was not telling “truth” on this blog, only certain facts that really God had not told me to say. Translated: I have been telling the facts about life at WOFF but, in her mind and in the minds of others at WOFF, I have not been telling the “truth”. And for those at WOFF telling the “Truth” as they hear it from God validates their existence. Well, on the surface, this seems to have merit. But, let’s examine how this is applied and what is really at the root of this Jane-ism.

    First off, to say only what God says to say implies obedience, love for God and many other things that any faithful WOFF member would want said about them. More importantly, since at WOFF, the Word of the Lord comes from Jane or is only validated through Jane, then to say what God says or do what God would do, is saying what Jane would say or do in a particular situation. Is that a valid or true test of Truth? This underlying meaning does explain the cell phone fiesta every time there is an abnormal or pressing situation!  What does JANE say we should do or say? We must call Jane!!!!  That would also explain the uneasiness and strained looks I get when I ask present WOFF members- “Does Jane hear God perfectly EVERY time?” They may act like it – but, who would really say it so plainly? To agree and base your life on only what Jane hears from God is a shaky foundation to say the least, but, one faithful WOFFers must stand on in order to stay in Jane’s good graces and make it to the special place in heaven reserved for WOFFers. Where is the gate to that place?   

   Continue reading What WOFF Members Say is “Relative”? →

Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (4) – Is There Envy at WOFF?

2 Comments

Is There Envy at WOFF?

  This is the fourth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Arrogance” in chapter 3. I put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.

   Hotchkiss writes, “The Narcissist’s need to secure a sense of superiority encounters an obstacle whenever someone else appears to have something that he or she lacks. Pop goes the internal balloon as the other’s threat to the superiority of Me registers deep within the unconscious…. What weapon does the Narcissist choose to silence the rumblings of shame?… The answer is contempt… Never mind that the “so and so” may be utterly humble and completely unaware of having given offense – this is a narcissistic distortion akin to shame-dumping and may have no connection to reality.” (page 15)

   Honestly, when I first read this chapter it did not register as I still had a problem with assigning to Jane Whaley the characteristic of envy. Part of that is because in my thinking, this trait had to be simply obvious. As I read further and began to recall certain events at WOFF, my thinking began to change. The author makes a point that the alarms and signals of distress in the narcissist register “deep within the unconscious” mind. Also, she writes that the offending party may be “completely unaware of having given offense”. The author continues, “Then comes the laundry list of the other’s flaws and it can get pretty dirty. The intent, usually quite unconscious, is to soil the other (person) enough so that the Narcissist, by comparison is restored to the superior position. There may be awareness of feelings of disdain (always justified of course), but the feeling of envy will be adamantly denied. To admit envy would be to acknowledge inferiority, which no good Narcissist would ever do.” (page 15-16)  

   Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (4) – Is There Envy at WOFF? →

Books, Resources, Uncategorized

Invitation for Contributions

Leave a comment

   An email I received recently was from a former member of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). That in itself is not unusual. However, this time, the email contained a brief review of a book that I had purchased, but not read. That was exciting, as I replied to this person and asked them to expand on the ideas and allow their ideas to be posted here on this blog. This led me to realize that I have used guest posts previously, but, I could use more.

   So, here is the official invitation. All of those who have been former members of any religious cult are invited to submit material to be posted. This can be their story of before, during and after their involvement in their particular group or a book or resource review that is pertinent to the theme of this blog. There are so many books, websites and cultic groups that there is no way I can learn about and write about them all. Just this evening, I found a web resource out of Canada that deserves attention. After some further research, I will share the links. Included in this sight are some vital links to legal cases and reports from several countries about cults and their effects. There is so much activity in other countries that could have a bearing on what goes on in this country; I am not able to give each resource the attention it needs.  

   In a review found here – http://provendersearch.blogspot.com/2011/07/religious-cults-info.html -the author refers to this blog: “This blog focuses on alleged spiritually abusive practices of Word of Faith Fellowship in North Carolina, but includes links to other spiritually abusive situations as well. Author John Huddle includes helpful tips, news sites and decent links to spiritual abuse resources — as well as personal observations and stories of abuse from the WOFF.”  

   One purpose of this blog is to be a help to those who are in a religious cult group and/or who are coming out of one. In my opinion, we could better serve this purpose as others provide their insights and understandings from either their own personal experience or writing reviews of resources they have found helpful in their journey. We have had great comments left by survivors and that does help. Please, keep them coming. Another way to help would be to provide your survivor story and allow others to benefit and gain hope from leaving a religious cult group. This could be helpful for those who write them, as well as those who read the accounts.

  Continue reading Invitation for Contributions →

Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized, WOFF Updates

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (3) – WOFF Arrogance?

Leave a comment

  Before we get into the subject of the third post in this series, I must admit I left out a point when closing the previous post. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “magical thinking” in chapter 2. Since Jane Whaley does not believe in magic, we renamed the characteristic “religious delusion” and have attempted to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF).

  “Magical thinking, exploitive idealization, and the devaluation of others via shame-dumping and belittling are all attempts on the part of the Narcissist to avoid feeling defective and insignificant.” We then explained the shame-dumping as religious shame-dumping and how this occurred in the WOFF setting. The next statement reflects on how the Narcissist characteristics affect the closest relationships for that person. “At best, these tactics create barriers to intimacy and acceptance. In a relationship with such a character, you will never know what it is like to be loved and appreciated for who you really are. At worst, the unending distortions will confuse you and wear away your self-esteem.” (page 10)

  Can anyone who has witnessed the constant belittling and badgering of Sam Whaley in WOFF church services by Jane, put forth an explanation that is any more accurate? The process Sam endured as he was molded by Jane into someone other than whom he really appears to be has been hard to watch and confusing to say the least. The apparent pleasure that Jane exhibited as she belittled Sam in front of us all was confusing as it did not seem like the love of God. Of course there was always a spiritual reason for the cuts and digs. Do any WOFF members remember it differently? Let me know. We move on.

Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (3) – WOFF Arrogance? →

Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized, WOFF Updates

They Run and the Dogs Give Chase….

5 Comments

    Recently, I heard sketchy details of an attempted escape by a young person from Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). My information is not first hand and I have not talked to the person who attempted the escape. What I know I have received in bits and pieces. All of it seems to coincide and agree with scenes I have heard of in the past while inside WOFF. So, I will tell what I know and give my take on the whole scene.

   Apparently, a young person left the service one recent Sunday morning and made her way to a local business very close to the intersection of Old Flynn and Oakland Road. She entered and asked them to call the Spindale Police. From what I can learn, this person was taken to the Police station and from here the information is unclear. They were allowed to call a relative who lived about two hours away to come pick them up. Before this relative could arrive, BC from WOFF made contact either by telephone or in person and convinced this person to stay one more day and talk to Jane Whaley in person, Jane was apparently out of town. This person “agreed” and as far as I know went back inside WOFF. The next day, Jane does not show and the meeting was postponed. From here the trail grows cold. As far as I know, the relative has not been able to help this person leave WOFF.  

    Why would I even take time to post on a situation where I do not know the entire set of facts and the outcome? It is for several reasons. One, I know this young person and spent time with them as they were in my daughter’s class. So, I have not spoken to them in a few years, but, feel confident their struggles would not be too different from other young folks inside WOFF. Second, as far as I know, this young person has no car, no job outside of WOFF at a company not owned by a church member and thus any real communication or resources other than those that are WOFF dominated and WOFF related. Honestly, many young folks inside WOFF don’t see this as an issue until they want leave the confines of the WOFF sub-culture. There they can feel stuck and helpless. But, there is more.

   Continue reading They Run and the Dogs Give Chase…. →

Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Thought Reform, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (2)

4 Comments

   This is the second post from a book titled, “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). The purpose of the book is to put in layman’s term the description of narcissism and also give the reader strategies to live with or around a narcissist. This book is filled with observations and insights that I believe help explain the plight of being a member of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Why?  As mentioned previously, in my opinion, Jane Whaley, as the leader of WOFF, is a prime example of a narcissist who makes her living using religion to control others. For the most part, the author does not mention how religion or religious practices would enter into explaining the methods or “Sins” of a narcissist. However, I will attempt to expand on a few concepts Hotchkiss puts forth and explain them in light of the religious setting at WOFF.

   In the previous post, we covered the shamelessness of a Narcissist that actually is evidence of a very shame-sensitive person who has not learned to process and learn from any situation in life that brings shame for whatever reason. The author listed a few signs from a Narcissist which show they are attempting to direct their shame outward and away from Self.  These situations that brought the reactions may be a “minor incident or social slight”. There may be no real cause for shame or even regret.  We will now explore how this shame is pushed off or “dumped” on the WOFF members in the course of practicing their “religion”, and how it is used to mold behavior and intensify loyalty to Jane and her “gift”.

   Hotchkiss writes in Chapter 2 titled “Magical Thinking”, “THE NEED TO AVOID SHAME at all costs creates a continual dilemma for the Narcissist, as life has a way of regularly doling out humbling experiences that cannot be taken in stride. There is always someone who is better, brighter, more beautiful, more successful, (and) more anything-you-can-think-of. The fact that no one is perfect is of little comfort to Narcissists, however, because they see themselves as the exception to this natural law. Their challenge is to find a way to stay pumped up inside in order to hold these harsh realities at bay. The methods they typically employ involve a considerable amount of distortion and illusion, what psychologists call “magical thinking”.” (page 7)

  Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (2) →