As I listened, he talked about a book he wrote titled, “Empowering Your Health” (Copyright©2007 by Asa Andrews, published by Thomas Nelson, ISBN-13:978-1-4016-0372-4). I made a mental note at that time to order the book. Have you ever done that? Make a mental note to do something and several months later- you have not followed through? That is what happened to me. It was almost a year later and I had not ordered the book. Why? There could be many excuses. I had ordered other books and not remembered to order that one… I may have actually looked it up and intended to order it and just never did. Then in early January, I told someone about the book and told them I would order it and read it. Finally, after several more weeks, I went to amazon.com and ordered the book. The struggle did not end there.

When the book arrived, I left it in the back seat of my car for a day or so. It was as if I was afraid to open it because that would bring me one step closer to reading it and possibly seeing what I knew in the back of mind was my reality. So, I unwrapped the book and it is in great shape for a “used” book! That was wonderful. The jacket for the book had a picture of Dr. Andrews throwing an apple in the air. So, I opened it and began reading. The first part was about his struggle when he was on a team of folks who lifted weights and traveled. He met with physical struggles and began searching for answers. After all he was a medical student! Chapter 2 was titled “Do You Want to Get Well? Taking Responsibility for Your Health” I read a few sentences then I stopped and put the book down – for days! Let me explain.

As the passing days unfolded and my mind drifted back to the book and the question, Do You Want to Get Well?- I realized that for me to want to get well, I must first admit I was NOT well- or sick or at the least-UNHEALTHY. Why did I have a hard time admitting that? For anyone who knows me and my history- you must be thinking that was totally absurd! Hey, John! You are not the prime specimen of ultimate health- right? You suffered a slight heart attack at 43 and have battled two major illnesses BEFORE completing your 50^th year! Not to mention you have a wrap around front porch that has been under construction for YEARS! C’mon- what is the hang-up? How can you deny your lack of good health? And that is the point.

At some point over the last few days, I realized the same denial patterns or rationalization patterns that kept me from admitting my true physical UNHEALTHY condition- kept me for years from admitting I was in a non-normal, unhealthy church or religious cult. It was not until a crisis came and forced me to reconsider my decisions about Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF) did I even dare admit I was wrong about moving my family from Greenville, SC to Spindale, NC to be a part of Jane Whaley’s group. Now, I know the analogies will not be absolutely the same but, let’s look at a few of them to learn more about the power to deny one’s true circumstances and live UNHEALTHY.

From Dr. Andrew’s book, “Do you really want to get well? If so, then why are you still struggling with high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, insomnia, or high cholesterol?” (page 17) Concerning members in WOFF- Do you really want walk in good spiritual health? If so, then, why do you depend on Jane Whaley to “hear God” for you? Does allowing her this power help you grow or keep you immature in your Christian walk? Why are you still struggling with sin after hours and days of loud prayer to get “deliverance”? If you are serious about being a Christian then why are you required to give up relationship with those that disagree with Jane? Does that sound healthy to give up relationship with your family just because they don’t support Jane’s views? Can your faith be lived among those who disagree or are its requirements incompatible among believing “unbelievers”? Why can you not hear God on important decisions for your life – regardless of what Jane may say or do? Does God hide His voice from His children and only speak through a person who claims to be your prophet? Does Jane hear God perfectly every time? Does the anger Jane shows in dealing with you reflect the godly character you read about in your Bible? Do you have total peace that you are exactly where you need to be to grow spiritually healthy? How could you know? Would you have to ask Jane? Do you fear Jane more than God? Where is the proof of that? Do you know what the grace of God is for His children? Do the rules you live by support your faith or destroy it? Should all Christians have to obey the rules of WOFF? Why or why not?

Even after I left WOFF after being put out of the group in July 2008, I had a hard time truly assessing my experiences and the emotional trauma experienced there. I still had the tendency to overlook, excuse and rationalize that “It really was not that bad”… Was it really a cult? Do any others know what that feels like? What did it feel like the first time you recognized that you had been in a destructive group or religious cult? What thoughts were going through your mind? Did you want to ignore it? Did you think about running to another state or country and forget WOFF years?  Did you feel ashamed? Did you feel used and abused and taken advantage of while at the same time trying to excuse Jane and Sam from intending to hurt anyone? I know- I have been through the same thoughts. Many survivors of WOFF as well as other groups tell me that they stuffed the experiences for years, and then one day they had to face them. It is part of the confusing mess you must go through in order to honestly answer the questions- Do you want to get well? First, we must admit- we have not been well.

Back to the book, the author has several pointers to encourage. I will list a few of them. First: Stop Making Excuses. That is a tough one for me. I have been so good at excusing my slackness and bad decisions- for years! We must face the truth about who we have been and who we want to become. Are you still making excuses for previous WOFF years? After all, John, there are so many sweet people there. Does that really lessen the trauma and control you lived through? Did the “sweetness” of folks restore the broken relationships and bring you ultimate peace once you left WOFF? The fact that some folks were “sweet” did not lessen the control I experienced.

Next: Nobody’s Gonna Make You. I can keep my wrap-around porch for as long as I want it. I can keep denying the damage done by WOFF or other groups like them – for as long as I want to. But, honestly, what good does that do? Why should I stay overweight? Why should any of us stay trapped in WOFF memories, nightmares and what I call “loops”. I know I am in a loop when I run the same events from the past over and over in my head – hoping for a different outcome. Well, that has not worked – so far. How about you? Why should any of us be afraid of returning to church and all that includes? Anyone else facing that one?  Nobody will make you seek a cure or take steps to get better. We all have to want to get well.

Are you “taking responsibility”? Yes, that phrase has its own baggage from WOFF days. While inside it was an elusive ideal. But, out here… it simply means stop waiting for someone else to carry you to a better life. We must all do what is needed to get the help we need to be what and who we were meant to be. Many of us passed through WOFF. It was not our final destination. We experienced some negatives there, but we don’t have to stay affected by Jane’s religion. If we stuff down and ignore our hurts and emotional wounds, then it is not much different from still being inside WOFF. We can end up being frozen in fear and stuck in past loops. Don’t be stuck in WOFFness. Get the help you need to stop fearing the unseen and losing peaceful sleep. There are better days ahead.

As far as the book goes, I have not finished it. Feel sure I won’t agree with everything in it. But, that is okay. I can move forward and learn how to face the decisions I make every day. Will you stay the same or will you make the steps to improve- in whatever area of your life? Do you want to get well?

Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

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Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, for posts written by John Huddle, any information about WOFF is from his memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 385.