Tag Archives: Leaving a Cult

Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Emotional Control, Uncategorized

Is it the Love of God or Jane-Love?

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    During my time inside Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF), I witnessed many things. I heard Jane Whaley preach many “strange and wonderful things”- or so I thought.  During my last few months there and especially after I left I began to experience some of the things Jane had taught and encouraged her members to believe and act upon. One of those things was the shunning of friends and family. As the months have passed and I have written about WOFF practices, none has been so devastating to me and the many other folks who find themselves on the receiving end of such behaviors. I have been contacted by many fathers as well as brothers, parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts and other relatives who recount the same or very similar stories. They have been cut-off from contact either gradually over time or over one incident. It could have been as simple as the television or as drastic as wearing shorts or jeans. But, in every case at least that I am aware of the cut-off and shunning of a relative was in order for the WOFF member to show loyalty to and love for Jane Whaley and her rules. The WOFF-spin was that the person who left did not “love God” or was “attacking Jane” by leaving or how they acted or what they had said. For those who live in the surrounding community and see the well groomed WOFF-life being lived before them, let me give more details. For all that shines is not gold.

    The WOFF-dramas that tear apart families are not hashed out in the view of public – well, except those child custody cases seen in the courts. Those follow a script and for the most part end up in the parent that leaves getting very little actual visitation with children still in WOFF. A few WOFF-children have chosen the non-WOFF parent and have left. But, they did so facing the cost of losing WOFF friends, WOFF School, and regular contact with the WOFF-parent that stayed inside the supposed “Christian” church known as WOFF.

   The scenario I am more familiar with both from being inside and now being outside for three years, includes the family members who stay, refusing any contact with those who have left WOFF. This part of the WOFF-drama is hard to explain even to one who has seen it from both sides. Why? I believe that many that see the glitter and glamour of WOFF-life do not actually see the trauma and drama for those inside and those that make their way out.  So, for those in the community, appearances can be deceiving. The price to pay to stay and play is high for sure. I saw it in other lives before it came to be a part of mine. I saw other families being torn apart but, not one day before it began to happen to me, did I think I would be a victim of Jane-love. 

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Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (7) – Bad Boundaries

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    This is the seventh in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Exploitation” in chapter 6. I have put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF. This post will end this part of the series. In a future post, we will revisit the resource book and review the author’s views on “Survival Strategies for a Narcissistic World”- Part III of her book.  

   Hotchkiss begins this chapter by giving some background and perspective as to the importance of having the proper perspective as to our Self and others. Though we are “by nature social creatures who thrive on meaningful affiliations with family, friends and community. We all need to belong to something, someone outside of ourselves… The soundness of the boundary between Self and others will affect not only how we perceive ourselves but how we experience other people and to a certain extent how we are treated by them. Good boundaries, the recognition of separateness, make for healthy relationships.” (page 27) 

   Let me put the author’s comments in light of the religious system of WOFF. In a previous posts, I shared that in the WOFF religion, the concept of “Self” is distorted at best and disdained as a norm. At least for regular members, the boundary of “Self” is not nurtured or respected, but, preached as evil and not having worth. Can we forget the message titled “Living Segmented Lives”, which taught that “God did not want us living “separate lives”…” The net effect was to further condemn those who wanted to have a healthy “Self”- which was seen as evil. What may have sounded like “truth” was in practice used to bind and control members. As a WOFF member, “Why would you put your needs before God’s people or Jane?”

    Additionally, who can count the times that Jane would address the congregation as one and lump us all in together as full of sin, evil, full of lust and the cause of her long worrisome hours of prayer and sleepless nights? When sin was discovered in one member, it was preached and taught as being in all. There were numerous services where different “sins” associated with “Self” were “dealt with”. Jane used the Scriptures referencing the “Body” of Christ as a tool to destroy any healthy “Self” by using the need to “belong to something, someone outside of ourselves…” as a means to submit to her unhealthy application of a Scriptural principle.   

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Books, Resources, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (6) – Exploitation

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  This is the sixth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Entitlement” in chapter 5. I have put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.

  Hotchkiss begins Chapter 6 “Exploitation”, by giving some background perspective on how a healthy person learns to empathize with others. “The ability to empathize, to grasp accurately how another person feels and to feel compassionate in response, requires us to step outside ourselves momentarily to tune in to someone else… We may or may not share the feelings being expressed, but we accept them without judgment or distortion.” She writes that in moments of empathy, “…, we do bridge the gap between two separate beings. That cannot happen unless we are able to experience ourselves as separate in the first place. The sense of one’s Self as separate and autonomous is a developmental milestone that normally occurs in small increments between the ages of one to three or four. In order to read others accurately, we must first be able to see ourselves in realistic terms and identify our feelings as belonging to us.” (page 23)  

   As I write this, I am reminded that when member of WOFF reads this, it may seem like a foreign language. WOFF members do not get any training and therefore have no real trust in explanations of life events from a psychological perspective. If I quoted Scripture profusely, then they would be able to assess and analyze the positions taken. Yes, much of this has been new for me to comprehend and reconcile with the teachings I was under for many years. But, let’s go forward and keep digging.

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Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Reflections on “Escape” by Carolyn Jessop – from Lahna Morakis

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    The book in reference is “Escape” by Carolyn Jessop. (Copyright©2007, author- Carolyn Jessop and Laura Palmer, published by Broadway Books NY, ISBN- 978-0-76792756-7) In case you may not be aware, Carolyn Jessop was married to Merril Jessop, a high ranking official in the Fundamental Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS) until she had the courage to escape this polygamous and abusive cult.  I had this book on my shelf for several years, but did not read it until last week.  I realize now how timing is of such importance. I have had time to heal from my involvement with WOFF or so I thought. It has been my experience, once you are exposed to cult life and cult practices you never totally heal. The mind is like a computer storing information and there are triggers that set memories in motion. For me, it was reading this book. The similarities between the FLDS and Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF) were/are uncanny.  Aside from the “prairie dresses” as I call them and the plural marriages, the premise for these two cults is the same. Remember, mind control is the basis for all cults. It is exercised in every and all aspects of a cult member’s life. It was interesting to learn that the FLDS started out much like WOFF, and just like WOFF, as time went on there were “new revelations” given to “leadership”. As a result, members were forced to relinquish more and more freedoms.  If they did not comply, they were shunned. Since I do not believe the average person can fathom exactly what that means, I’d like to share from my experiences of being shunned. 

     My background is Italian and Greek, both of which reflect a very tightly knit family unit. In 2007, a family reunion was planned in Tarpon Springs, Florida for all the people who were from the same island in Greece as my father.  My mother and father were elderly and could not travel alone; therefore I offered to take them. Because there would be dancing and music, and as a result of Jane Whaley’s counsel; my husband refused to take me to the airport, watch our dog for the week, pick me up when I returned or speak to me the entire time I was away. At that time, it was too early for me to realize where the “orders” were coming from. When a spouse shuns you to that degree, which is totally foreign to their nature, you know they are being controlled by someone or something else.

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Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (5) – Is Jane Entitled?

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  This is the fifth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Envy” in chapter 4. I have put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.

    As a review, we have discussed several characteristics of a narcissist. The list so far has included – shamelessness – which actually was found to be a “supremely shame sensitive” nature. Next, we looked at “magical thinking” in a narcissist. Since Jane Whaley does not believe in magic and uses religion to further her goals, we renamed this as “religious delusion”. The term explains a lot about the distortion of reality. After that we covered “arrogance” and its origins at WOFF. The author explained the competition in a narcissist and how the arrogance “serves as a protective barrier to keep the “stink” of imperfection off the Narcissist, providing insulation from feelings of shame about personal shortcomings.”  (page 14) And in the previous post, we discussed the envy in a Narcissist and the maneuvers made to satisfy it, while all the while denying its existence.

   Hotchkiss writes that the sense of “entitlement” is another “deadly sin” of narcissism. She describes the nature of a narcissist to include the attitude reflected in these statements: “If you cannot make yourself useful in meeting my need, then you are of no value and will most likely be treated accordingly, and if you defy my will, prepare to feel my wrath. Hell hath no fury like the Narcissist denied.” (page 20) This plays out in a more subtle manner at WOFF. Within the WOFF-religion, Jane’s ultimate need is adulation from as many people as will believe her “gospel”. To believe her “gospel” is to stay in her group and worship her. If you cannot do this, then as a WOFF member, you will be treated accordingly. This could be an attempt to reeducate you to “God’s will” by putting you on church discipline or putting you out of the church. If you vocalize or act against her will, you will see and feel her wrath. If you doubt, ask those who have been so “blessed”.  I know a few.

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Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

What WOFF Members Say is “Relative”?

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  Recently, I was reminded of Jane Whaley’s logic when it comes to tell the “truth”.  After this mantra was retold to me, I felt sure I had heard it myself while I was in Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). In fact, when LB came to my door last year with another person from WOFF, she quoted the beginning of this Jane-ism. (see that post here- “A Knock at the Door…” https://religiouscultsinfo.com/?p=572 …) At least once, and maybe several times during my WOFF days, I heard Jane say something similar to the following. This is a paraphrase since we were not allowed to take notes, but, you will be able to see the meaning.

   If you witnessed an accident along with ten other people and each person was asked to tell what they saw, there would probably be ten different accounts. If you told what you saw that would be the facts as you saw them. But, if you only told what God told you to say – that would be “truth”. LB used this logic to say that I was not telling “truth” on this blog, only certain facts that really God had not told me to say. Translated: I have been telling the facts about life at WOFF but, in her mind and in the minds of others at WOFF, I have not been telling the “truth”. And for those at WOFF telling the “Truth” as they hear it from God validates their existence. Well, on the surface, this seems to have merit. But, let’s examine how this is applied and what is really at the root of this Jane-ism.

    First off, to say only what God says to say implies obedience, love for God and many other things that any faithful WOFF member would want said about them. More importantly, since at WOFF, the Word of the Lord comes from Jane or is only validated through Jane, then to say what God says or do what God would do, is saying what Jane would say or do in a particular situation. Is that a valid or true test of Truth? This underlying meaning does explain the cell phone fiesta every time there is an abnormal or pressing situation!  What does JANE say we should do or say? We must call Jane!!!!  That would also explain the uneasiness and strained looks I get when I ask present WOFF members- “Does Jane hear God perfectly EVERY time?” They may act like it – but, who would really say it so plainly? To agree and base your life on only what Jane hears from God is a shaky foundation to say the least, but, one faithful WOFFers must stand on in order to stay in Jane’s good graces and make it to the special place in heaven reserved for WOFFers. Where is the gate to that place?   

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Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (4) – Is There Envy at WOFF?

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Is There Envy at WOFF?

  This is the fourth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Arrogance” in chapter 3. I put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.

   Hotchkiss writes, “The Narcissist’s need to secure a sense of superiority encounters an obstacle whenever someone else appears to have something that he or she lacks. Pop goes the internal balloon as the other’s threat to the superiority of Me registers deep within the unconscious…. What weapon does the Narcissist choose to silence the rumblings of shame?… The answer is contempt… Never mind that the “so and so” may be utterly humble and completely unaware of having given offense – this is a narcissistic distortion akin to shame-dumping and may have no connection to reality.” (page 15)

   Honestly, when I first read this chapter it did not register as I still had a problem with assigning to Jane Whaley the characteristic of envy. Part of that is because in my thinking, this trait had to be simply obvious. As I read further and began to recall certain events at WOFF, my thinking began to change. The author makes a point that the alarms and signals of distress in the narcissist register “deep within the unconscious” mind. Also, she writes that the offending party may be “completely unaware of having given offense”. The author continues, “Then comes the laundry list of the other’s flaws and it can get pretty dirty. The intent, usually quite unconscious, is to soil the other (person) enough so that the Narcissist, by comparison is restored to the superior position. There may be awareness of feelings of disdain (always justified of course), but the feeling of envy will be adamantly denied. To admit envy would be to acknowledge inferiority, which no good Narcissist would ever do.” (page 15-16)  

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