“I have recently been corresponding with a few more readers of my book. Since my book is a testimony, it has a limited audience. And since I am an unknown, self-published author, it will never be a bestseller. But it continues to sell (albeit in small numbers) each month. And I continue to hear from readers. Many of the people who have written to me were loaned a copy by someone who wanted to share it. I know that some authors might be frustrated by that because it means less book sales. But that doesn’t bother me at all. I spent nearly a year of my life working on the book. I poured my heart into it. And what is most rewarding for me is just knowing that it is still being read.

I appreciate every person who has taken the time to write and share their own experiences, wanting me to know what the book has meant to them personally. I continue to hear from people I know and people I have never met. I’ve heard from people who grew up in the same religious movement I did and others who have had similar experiences with completely different groups and abusive leaders.

I have learned in the last few years just how pervasive the problem of spiritual abuse is. I remember once thinking that the group I was raised in was unique and that no one outside my environment would be able to relate to my experiences. But I discovered that wasn’t the case at all; we were similar to other cults and cultish groups; not only in the area of control and intimidation, but even in many of our distinctive doctrinal beliefs.

One reader, who authors a blog on religious abuse has recently written about my book, sharing what an emotional read it has been for him. His experiences were with a completely different group. But he discovered many similarities between his experiences and mine.

Another recent reader who keeps in touch with me has been deeply traumatized by the same group I was raised in (just a different location) and is still in a difficult struggle to break free. She sees clearly that her life and many of her relationships have been devastated or destroyed by her association with the group, yet she is gripped with the fear of leaving and losing her “spiritual covering.” She has told me that the first time she read something I had written and saw my picture, she cried for hours that night. The reason? I looked so normal and happy to her and she couldn’t understand how I could be either. The “you can’t leave this fellowship and find God elsewhere” message has been deeply branded into her thinking. Though she has been abused horribly by the leadership of this church, she still cares so deeply about how she is perceived and vilified for leaving. I understand that.

The brainwashing and mind control she is struggling to overcome is so glaring to me that I have at times felt frustrated while trying to help her. I want to say, “Can’t you see…?” I have pointed out to her that God does not send fear and anxiety as a way to “deal” with our hearts. Men are doing this to her, not God. I have shown her how idolatrous it is to elevate a certain group of people to such a standing that God cannot be found outside its walls. I have explained to her that Jesus is her Savior and King, not a group of men calling themselves “the ministry” while putting themselves on thrones. I’ve said many things in my genuine desire to help her break free from the mind control. I’ve suggested books and I’ve encouraged her in other ways. And I think I have helped her, even if it’s just a little.

I have made myself available to strangers because I understand their struggle and the need to talk about it with someone who understands. I have spent hours on the telephone with some who just wanted to hear my voice and have an actual conversation with me after reading the book. My husband found it kind of odd at times that I could spend hours talking to someone I had never met and have so much in common to talk about. He has occasionally made jokes, saying that I was an unpaid therapist. And I would remind him that the word for it is “ministering.” That is the very reason strangers want to talk to me after reading the book; they sense that I understand what so many in their lives cannot. I can’t count how many people have said to me, “Nobody understands except someone who has lived this way.”

That’s true of all types of abuse. And I don’t have any special gifts to offer. But I do have compassion and empathy because of the difficulties I have come through. And I know that one can heal and thrive after these experiences, not merely survive. But it requires a relationship with Jesus Christ that is not filtered through another human being or a certain group of people.

What I have discovered about my own healing process in recent months is how much I have healed. Obviously, not everyone is going to write a book about their life (or even want to). But writing has been very therapeutic and healing for me. Whether God inspired me to write my story to help facilitate that healing, or He just gave me the freedom to do it, I don’t know. But it has been a healing journey. I don’t know if anyone heals by internalizing, I just know that I don’t. I don’t know that I would define it as a “need,” but it is accurate to say that I have felt compelled to share my journey and to connect with other people whom I could relate to. I’m thankful it has helped others and not just myself.

The author of the blog I mentioned above recently asked me if I would consider writing a guest post for his blog. He told me that it encourages others to hear the testimonies of people like me who are further along in their recovery from this particular abuse. That’s why I started writing this post.

The new reality for me is that I honestly don’t find myself thinking about spiritual abuse very often these days. That’s how far I’ve come. I believe I have pushed through so much of that. But it hit me this morning that that is no small thing. It’s nothing short of a miracle for me personally. And it occured to me that just sharing that might really be helpful to someone else. I never want to miss an opportunity to help someone else by sharing what I’ve been through. And it occurred to me this morning, as I was catching up with his blog, how far I have come in just the last year.

When my husband was newly diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia, I was on an emotional rollercoaster for quite some time just trying to process and deal with what I thought of as my shattered dreams for our lives. I was so devastated by the pain of an uncertain future and the possibility of ever losing John that I cried every day. I just couldn’t get a grip on my emotions. I poured myself into learning about CLL and all its variations, treatments, specialists. I invested in online communities (in much the same way I invested in an online community to help me deal with the emotions of breaking free from a cult). That is how I deal with emotional struggle. I share and I find people I can relate to. Apparently, I’m not the only one.

I found comfort in not being the only one in my struggle. After my very, very, very lengthy introduction on CLL Christian Friends, I was comforted and reassured by others that the emotional rollercoaster was normal and they all understood what I was going through; but I would settle into a new normal. And whether I believed it or not, there would come a day when I didn’t ruminate constantly on CLL and my fears. They were right. I still wish my husband didn’t have leukemia. It’s not an experience I would have asked for. But I no longer feel shattered by it. I’m coping and I’m finding ways to help others through shared experience. And that part is very rewarding.

Our lives are a journey, not a destination. The silver lining in every difficult experience for me is that through my own struggles, God is equipping me to help someone else through theirs. Whether it’s recovering from the effects of spiritual abuse, emotional abuse or a chronic, incurable illness — I have the opportunity to reassure someone else that a new normal is just ahead of the storm.

If you are still struggling with the baggage of having been involved in a religious cult, I want you to know that no matter how hard it is in the present moment, you CAN heal from this experience. It’s a process. And there are some wounds that are easily reopened for a long time. But those wounds become scars. And then, just like physical scars, they fade until they are barely visible — even to you. You forget you have them until something focuses your attention on them again. That is where I find myself today.

For a long time, I thought about my past and people from my past on a daily basis. I grieved lost relationships and certain people’s distorted perceptions of me. I shed many tears and even suffered with anxiety. I struggled with fears of all kinds. I experienced the pain of rejection from people I loved who couldn’t understand me — and probably never had understood me, truth be known. I don’t doubt that I may have perceived rejection from some who didn’t even intend it. It’s very typical for people who have experienced a lot of rejection to fear it and anticipate it and even mistakenly perceive it in some instances. I see that trait in myself. And I acknowledge it.

I haven’t ONLY suffered spiritual abuse. I have been verbally, emotionally, mentally and physically abused in ways that I did not attempt to address in the book because it would have distracted the reader from the message of this book; which was the spiritual abuse of a false gospel. But I am well acquainted with the wounds of abusive relationships. Thankfully, I have experienced tremendous healing from those wounds as well. But it wasn’t instant in any case. It’s been a process. And God has used people to minister to me in that healing process. One of those people has been my husband, John. I am so thankful for him. But if I had stayed in the cult, I would not be with him. Not only because I would have feared marrying someone outside the group, but because he recognized it as a cult the one time I took him there. Participation would have been a deal breaker for him.

After having John in my life for almost eight years now, I cannot imagine what my life would have been like without him. I cannot fathom a more perfect husband for me and my personality. God gave me someone who seems “made to order” for all of my needs. And he feels the same way about me (which is still hard for me to believe). To think I could have missed out on so many blessings God had for me (all the blessings that have come through John, including many cherished friends) because of the lie that God would not honor a union between myself and someone outside that group. At this point in my life and personal growth, it’s almost hard to believe that at one time I was that deceived. But I was.

Do I still sometimes feel a twinge over the reality that even some of my family members don’t want to be Facebook Friends with me? Does it ever bother me that even some who have expressed warm feelings toward me privately cannot openly be my friend because of the awkwardness it would cause in other relationships? Sure I do. But it’s a much smaller twinge than it once was. And I accept it as the personal price I must pay for speaking my convictions openly and honestly from my heart.

In wrapping up this lengthy post, I also want to say that I am truly sorry for any pain I have caused anyone from my past with my words. In all honesty — it has never been my heart’s desire to hurt anyone from my past (or anyone in my present for that matter). I have made mistakes. I know I have not said or done everything perfectly. But my intent was never to hurt anyone or retaliate for wrongs done to me. Actually, I hate hurting people and I agonize over it when I know I have. If I have hurt you, I ask for your forgiveness sincerely. And if you will contact me personally and tell me specifically how I have hurt you, I will ask your forgiveness in a more personal and specific way. I believe I have forgiven those who have hurt me. Sometimes I have to recommit to that forgiveness because of memories that still sting. But forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s an action. And I know I have released those who have hurt me from owing me anything — including an apology.

Although my convictions are as strong as ever that I was raised in a cult, that does not prevent me from continuing to love the people I grew up with and wanting them to know that I always will.”

By Shari Howerton        

    Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

   Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

    (Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 258.

       We have posted from this source before. “Breaking the Chains” Overcoming the Spiritual Abuse of a False Gospel (Copyright © 2009 by Shari Howerton, ISBN- 978-0-9713499-4-0). This book has been an emotional read for me. The feelings and emotions of the author come through clearly in many places and I can readily identify with her. It has been hard to read more than a few chapters at one time because of my own memories that so mirror many reflections of the author. In the chapter titled, “Using Wisdom”, I found material that I was very familiar with. The author writes, “Growing up in such a tight-knit community leads to lives becoming deeply intertwined. Most marry within the group.” (page 160) Let me stop here and mention that though I did not grow-up within WOFF, I spent many years there and became very intertwined in several lives. At WOFF, NO ONE marries outside the group. NO ONE even has a friendship/dating relationship with the opposite sex, outside of WOFF. If you want a relationship of that nature outside of WOFF, you leave the group to pursue it. Do I need to mention names, here? So, WOFF is MORE controlling than the author’s group.

   “There are endless family connections, which is another reason why it is so hard to leave.” (page 160) Well, why would it be any different at WOFF? Many folks are related and have known each other for many years inside of WOFF. Many came to WOFF from other churches and have been with each other for years and years. Remember, Jane Whaley attempts to lead whole churches into her control. It has worked for some and not worked for others. Sometimes, she only gets a few “sheep” to cross the line and join her group. But, regardless, as soon as new ones come in, there is an attempt to connect them as soon as possible with more stable long term members and cement the connection into the group.

    The author writes, “In all my years I attended CGT, we did not openly share our distinctive doctrinal beliefs with other Christians right off the bat, especially anyone we were hoping to win to our fellowship. We were taught that this was “using wisdom”, God would reveal these deeper “truths” when hearts were ready to receive them.” (page 160) It was here, I had a stop and search moment. Had I not done the EXACT SAME THING for years while at WOFF? Was I not guilty of practicing this “using wisdom” when approaching others or explaining to others where I went to church and what we believed? Did I not cringe when I brought Jonathan Guy to the church and knew he would/could be subject to loud prayer, the very first night? Is that not why WOFF members are REQUIRED to tell someone in the office that a visitor may be coming so Jane Whaley will know and NOT to do certain things or carry on “family business” that may seem strange in front of visitors? Didn’t we do this and allow Jane to put on a show that may help someone decide that WOFF was for them and the only place God would want them to attend? Were any other WOFF members anxious when they were allowed to bring visitors, including family to the services, as to what may happen and how much of the skirt of WOFF would be lifted on the first few visits? How had I allowed myself to be a part of a group for so many years that was not honest and forthright with visitors from the very start? How had I reconciled this in my thinking? How many lies had I told myself to say this was okay and “God’s way” of carrying on His work? What a fool I was! Looking back, it was all part of the WOFF package. You didn’t express how much angst you had when recruiting new members or it would be said you were full of devils yourself and not a true believer. You stuffed any doubt in order to not be put out.

    Howerton continues, “We tried not to scare anyone away by introducing one of our “truths” prematurely, before God has prepared their heart to receive it.” (page 160-161) What were the unique “truths” that may scare away a prospective new member to WOFF? Here is a short list: LOUD “deliverance” prayer which looked like screaming to the “uninitiated”. Another “truth” was Jane’s sovereign rule. Need I expound on that one? Another “truth”, everything you did and said would be subject to review of everyone around you and eventually Jane. Yet another “truth”, couples were told how and when to have relations. (It was actually was more detailed than that…)  Need I expound? Okay, one more, the longer you are in WOFF, the fewer relationships outside of WOFF you will be allowed to have unless Jane sees a higher purpose in that relationship, i.e. power, and influence or money for her. To reflect on other “truths” read the WOFF don’t list which is here…WOFF Don’t list from 03 10 You can get an idea of what is important in WOFF life, things like appearance and obedience – to Jane. Yes, you will be told how to dress in order to “reflect the gift of God in you” and not “bring a reproach to Jane in the county”.  If I have missed a glaring Truth, please, remind me in the comment section.

****** Added 12 hours after initial posting: How could I forget? One of THE signature practices of WOFF! (or non-practice) NO HOLIDAYS! A WOFF member certainly did/does not open with that one when seeking to recruit a new member. Was anyone else roasted over that one when WOFF members were required to stop visiting relatives during the holiday season? ******

    So, if you were a part of WOFF would you be able to hold back and not tell someone you had invited to church about these “truths”? You followed these “Truths”– and knew that if believed and followed these “truths” would/could enhance their life, if they would only submit to God (Jane) and join WOFF. Yes, it sounds like a stretch, but when you were a member of WOFF, this was all part of the experience.

       Let me share one more insight from this chapter by Howerton. “It is my belief that CGT members weren’t hiding these “truths” out of malice. I’m convinced that they were hiding these truths with good intentions, probably because I always thought I had good intentions when I deceived others.” (page 161 emphasis added) I must agree with this statement. While as a member of WOFF, one is not fully aware or allowed to express that this practice is deception and hence evil. WOFF members are so convinced that their way of life is THE WAY, that whatever it takes to woo and convince others to join them is totally justified. But, it is DECEPTION.

   What Scriptures are used to justify this deception? This is one:

    ⁵So that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men (human philosophy), but in the power of God.  6Yet when we are among the full-grown (spiritually mature Christians who are ripe in understanding), we do impart a [higher] wisdom (the knowledge of the divine plan previously hidden); but it is indeed not a wisdom of this present age or of this world nor of the leaders and rulers of this age, who are being brought to nothing and are doomed to pass away. ⁷But rather what we are setting forth is a wisdom of God once hidden [from the human understanding] and now revealed to us by God–[that wisdom] which God devised and decreed before the ages for our glorification [to lift us into the glory of His presence]. 1 Corinthians 2:5-7 (Amplified Version)

   So, is it acceptable to use any Scripture to validate the use of deception? What does this say about Jane Whaley and her group?

    Here is an expert, Steven Hassan, writing in “Releasing the Bonds” (copyright ©2000 by Steven Hassan, ISBN: 0-9670688-0-0) about this practice: “Information control begins during recruitment, when cults withhold or distort information to draw people in. People don’t join cults—cults recruit people.” (page 48) Hassan is explaining his B.I.T.E. model which identifies controlling groups and their behaviors. This part is included in the explanation about “Information Control”. He goes on, “Cult recruiters are skilled at drawing information from people without revealing much about themselves or the group. They don’t tell people up front who they are, what they believe, and what they want from them…. People are given only the information they are deemed “ready for,” or as much as they “need to know” to perform their jobs. Cult ideologies allow for many levels of “truth,” including “outsider” and “insider” doctrines.” (page 48-49 emphasis added)

   It is hard to describe the thoughts, emotions and feelings I experience when I read quotes like ones included in this post. The regrets run deep and the feelings of helplessness are intense as I realize that these practices have not stopped at WOFF. I hear reports of how potential new members are being contacted and recruited. It grieves me to realize I did this for years. Others, who I love, are continuing to practice these deceptions and are more than likely not fully aware that “using wisdom”, when talking to outsiders is in reality USING DEPCEPTION. It is not justifiable or excusable in any regards. No, just putting up a website and listing a few pounds of Scripture references does not meet the requirement to be fully open and honest when talking to outsiders about your group and its practices. Face it, for Jane Whaley to honestly tell potential new members what really goes on in WOFF, including how she would run their life in absolute terms, would/should scare away everyone. She just can’t afford to be honest. Her kingdom would crumble. So?

 Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

   Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

    (Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 252.

    Howerton writes, “What I remember most about the ministry was how the ministers and their families were treated like royalty. It was as though they were the dignitaries and we were the common folk. … At some point, I realized that for all the talk of being like Jesus this behavior was very unlike Him. … I never thought of the ministers as servants. They were more like kings to me.” (page 107-108) Here I will just mention that during my time at WOFF Jane Whaley was treated as royalty in many ways. Not only was there the extensive wardrobe and obvious unchecked spending privileges; there was the heir of superiority that she carried which reinforced the self–acclaimed notion of her perfection. The notion of royalty carried over to her family and her extended family as certain allowances were made for them that were not afforded others. Do I need to elaborate? I certainly can for those who do not remember.

    We move on with two more passages from Howerton and then I will explain my view on the subject. The author continues reciting an incident where she and some friends ran into the pastor’s daughter in a public place one afternoon. “This was another one of those red-letter days in my life that I have reflected on many times. … Somehow we got on the topic of Princess Diana. Becky (the pastor’s daughter) compared Diana’s rebelliousness toward the Queen and her attempts to change the protocol of the royal family with the young people in our church who challenged her dad and the way things had always been done at our church.” (page 108) Yes, the comparison was shocking to the ladies in the group, but it was a tell-tale sign of the dynamics within the group. Those dynamics were ones I have been very familiar with. Within WOFF though, there would be no uprising or challenging Jane’s authority by members- young or old. Those who dare such are put out, if once confronted, there was no IMMEDIATE submission to Jane. Ask any number of folks who were put out. It was/is Jane’s way or the highway. Of course, within WOFF, it is phrased – submit to God through Jane or leave. Is that really accurate or puffery? Should one person ALWAYS and FOREVER have that much power over people’s lives?

   Howerton explains more about her group, “We were taught to please people; principally our pastor. Therefore, we quite naturally put Brother Mears (the pastor) on a pedestal. He did not warn against it or refuse the worship. He was between us and God in many ways. My personal relationship with God was stunted by the way I was taught to view my pastor.” (page 108) Again, I must concur and say, yes, I know EXACTLY what she is referring to in this passage. Do any other former WOFF members see the pattern here? While in WOFF, one never considers that other groups could have such an important person as Jane Whaley. But what does it sound like in this case? Did/Does Jane refuse the worship she receives on her pedestal? Is Jane between her members and God in many ways? Honestly, let’s be truthful! Are WOFF members encouraged or allowed to seek relationship with God apart from Jane’s direction or immediate oversight? Why? Could it be she functions as a god?

   As a point of reference, what do visitors to WOFF notice when they see how Jane uses her eye contact with those on the stage who are singing or “sharing”? Does her mere look demand a reaction? One person, who visited several times, relayed to me that by merely watching Jane control those on stage told them a lot about how she controlled WOFF members in other situations; how perceptive this person was/is! What is the foundation of this control? Yes, besides fear. The center of control resides with Jane is in all areas of importance at WOFF. (relationships, jobs, housing, privileges of all types…) So, her look of approval or disapproval is worthy of a reaction. To a faithful WOFF member, pleasing Jane is the key to not only staying a WOFF member, but “fulfilling their call” and ultimately making it to heaven. If you doubt it, ask them. Ask, “Can you find your way in God without Jane’s help? Could you learn God’s way without Jane? How do others outside of WOFF ever make it to heaven? What is the benefit of staying at WOFF? Could you ever be happy outside of WOFF? Is there ever a good reason to leave WOFF?” Could this requirement to follow Jane lead to worship of a person instead of God? Really? Do those outside of WOFF see WOFF members with balanced respect for Jane or inordinate admiration or plain outright worship of her?

   In considering this post, I remembered groups I had been a part of in the past that had “royalty” for leaders. Let me go back several years. In 1984, I was a part of a small Baptist church in Summerville, SC. The associate pastor and his wife were very friendly and helped me a great deal. During one conversation, the associate pastor relayed his experience while in school in Dallas, TX. He had taken a part-time job at a bank. This was years ago when the bulk of the deposits were paper checks. His job was to encode the checks. He expressed his shock at the LARGE checks that were being deposited in the account for Kenneth Copeland Ministries. It made quite an impression on him.  Fast forward a few years to either sometime in the late 1980’s or early 1990’s; I was attending a Kenneth Copeland convention in North Carolina with family members. Between meetings, we went to eat at a certain restaurant that happened to be where Kenneth Copeland was eating. I still remember the feeling of awe as I watched him go to the salad bar! Wow, was I engulfed in it or what! I can’t say if others in my group were so engulfed but, looking back they probably were.

   Move on a few years to my attendance of a church in Sheldon, SC. The pastor was teaching a mix of Kenneth Hagin, Kenneth Copeland stuff and some “original” stuff that was reflected in E.W. Kenyon’s books. I was a part of that church for over three years. It was different in many ways as the services started at 2:30PM on Sunday afternoon and could last three or more hours. During my time there, I met my wife and we were married in that church. I taught in some of the Bible studies held in member homes during the week and was headed to Africa on a mission trip in 1987. The leader certainly held status as “royalty” in my eyes and many others. That came to halt after my wife and I had dinner with him and his wife somewhere in either July or August of 1987. The “royalty” status was no longer after that evening. Soon after that we moved on to another church. When we approached the leader about leaving, he sent us out with God’s blessing and no apparent ill will. No, though he had “royalty” status, leaving that ministry was not equal to leaving God or going straight to hell.

   Several years later, after joining Word of Life and then WOFF, the concept of a church leader having “royalty” status was not totally foreign, as in years past I had been a part of other groups where the leaders “enjoyed” that adoration from their members. But, it was not until Word of Life and then WOFF, that the royalty would condemn those who left the group with such statements as you will never make it, you will miss God, you will go to hell or die early or you will be lost when you leave the only place God has for you… The royalty status of the leaders seemed to have added the quality of dictator or at a minimum cult leader. For sure, one common characteristic of cults is those who leave are shunned, told they will lose their salvation and other negative things.  In my experience, a group that places their leaders in “royalty” status may not always be a cult, though it is never a healthy situation. But, when the leader goes on to other controlling characteristics common in cults groups and begins to condemn those who leave and threaten them with sickness, destruction and calamity; they and their groups should be considered very dangerous.  

    Consider this, if a group leader has to threaten folks who are considering leaving or have left; doesn’t that say more about the leader than the folks who leave? Aren’t these threats confirmation that the group leader’s authority or power is based on fear and not love or faith in God? So, Jane, go ahead and confirm who you really are – threaten away. No matter how many times you scream, “We are not a cult!” it does not change who you are. You show who you are by what you do.  

    Please, read the previous post and consider sharing your experiences… https://religiouscultsinfo.com/?p=3690

    Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

   Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

    (Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 250.

    While reading the book, I have been captivated at the many similarities that her church (Christian Gospel Temple-CGT) had/has with Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). I spent 16 years either indirectly or directly under the teachings of WOFF and more specifically –Jane Whaley. Jane considered herself as the one who heard the “Truth” in many areas. For example, Jane taught/teaches about loud prayer, deliverance from demons for Christians, certain customs for marriage ceremonies, burial customs, strict lifestyle customs and many other “truths”. Certainly, while I was there we felt these were “truths” which –“We believed that God revealed His “truths” to us as a group; “truths” He had not revealed to Christianity as a whole.” After all, it was said several times, “we know there are other people out there with “truth”; we just have not found them yet…” So, did we ever expect to find them? These unique “truths” certainly served to make us (WOFF members) feel special and “set-apart” from others who did not or would not listen or accept what God was saying to us…. After all my time in that group I can say the efforts to “evangelize” were slim to none. Can you see a pattern here?

    Howerton writes, “One “truth” in particular affected me… the teaching on perfection. This belief set us apart from most, if not all, other Christians.” (page 20) Let me stop here and just point out that the doctrine of perfection quite naturally coincides with a belief that no other group can be perfect. For if perfection was able to be had by other Christian groups, it would not be perfection, it would be normal. How do I know? WOFF taught “perfection” in these words frequently repeated by Jane Whaley, “Jesus came to set us free from sin and teach us how to walk perfectly in Him”. The exact words may vary slightly- but the mantra was clear. Jane was the only one who heard how we were to “walk perfectly in Him.” That was then followed by the rules to bring one to that perfect walk in Him. In respect to WOFF-life, being in WOFF and listening to Jane was the only way to ever hope to learn how to walk perfectly in Him. If you doubt me, ask a faithful WOFF member if they could ever hope to know Jesus outside of WOFF and more specifically- away from Jane? That does pose some problems, wouldn’t you say? We move on…

    The author continues, “We were taught that no believer had eternal life based on faith alone in Christ. Initial salvation had to result in the same sinless, perfect life that Jesus lived in order to qualify for heaven. Only souls that attained sinless perfection in this life would go to be with the Lord immediately following death.”(page 20) Howerton makes another connection about the doctrine of perfection as taught in her church, “The perfection message and pervasive legalism went hand in hand. Grace was little more than a word. It has no meaning for me. The list of rules we were expected to follow and enforce upon on children was long.” (page 22)   Okay, she wrote this without knowing about WOFF and the long list of rules that we were expected to follow and enforce on our children! Did you realize that WOFF members never considered these rules as rules? The rules or “don’ts”, as they have been referred to before on this blog were referred to as “the ways of God”, the way of holy righteous living”, the way God’s people live” or “God’s protection for His people.” As far I can remember I never saw a written list of rules. Why? Because, if you write them down, they are harder to change or even deny that they ever existed! Jane Whaley took the liberty to change rules when they no longer seemed to fit the need(s). Does that happen for a reason? If Jane was/is the final say on the rules and if/when they change, what did/does that make her? Can you understand why I have been very interested in this book by Howerton?

    Ms. Howerton goes on to explain her dilemma. “Legalism and abuses of power are problems in many churches. (Yes!) However, legalism combines with the requirement of perfection caused me to focus entirely on my own shortcomings, placing the weight of all my failures and inadequacies upon my own shoulders.” (page 23) She then goes into further explanation how this affected her as child and young person. The honesty in telling her confusion is very sad on the one hand and very believable on the other. For this next quote explains the double edged sword of the doctrine of perfection. “I tried to believe I could be perfect. Occasionally, in spiritually high moments of intense emotion, I felt a ray of hope. I told myself I could do it. However, deep down, I was always profoundly aware of my inadequacy.” (page 24)  

    The doctrine of perfection has a double bite or in other words can cut you coming and going. Let me explain. Shari Howerton felt she never could actually reach perfection much like Kristy Sullivan expressed from the film “Join Us” in the post referenced above on “Rules..” – “I always felt like I couldn’t do anything right. I couldn’t be good enough in the church and I couldn’t be a wife and I couldn’t be a mother.” Teaching perfection and requiring it often leaves members feeling inadequate. This causes many pressures for which the member finds no relief within the parameters of the perfection teaching. No teaching on Grace was in either Shari’s or Kristy’s groups. At WOFF, it was “taught” in some form but, it was not applied in life practice- Grace did not/does not fit into the WOFF-life outline or program. How could it? Grace is from God, not Jane Whaley. True Grace from God does not fit within man’s own teaching on perfection or desire to obtain approval from man. Jane Whaley nor Raimund Melz nor William Sowders nor Cornelius Mears could ever be the author of Grace given from God. Does that make sense?  

    There is another way that the teaching on perfection can cut and jade those who live by it. There is the danger of living in a group that teaches perfection and thinking you HAVE obtained perfection. The confusion could come in many ways. You could ignore your own faults; judge others by their actions and yourself by your intentions. You could take your worth by being a part of a group that teaches perfection and assume that since you are a part of the group, you are then perfected.  How would this work? At WOFF, it may be reflected in thoughts or statements such as– I am letting God deal with my heart and I am walking with God. I am submitting to the WORD from Jane and God is changing me… We have truth that others don’t; we must be special in God’s eyes. He has a work for us to do. We must take His message of deliverance to the world or at least to other churches that Jane has approved of… God is blessing us! Look at these cars and houses and nice clothes! We are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus and we are going to make it!

    Honestly, during my time at WOFF, I heard more teaching on the sin in God’s people than any other place or church I have attended. There was always a warning from God or a new sin discovered in WOFF members or some new revelation on what God hates… But, through it all, because we were taught the special truths from one such as Jane Whaley– the attitude was evident that we (WOFF members) were a cut above the other churches. If we were not perfect, we acted like we were as close to perfection as anyone person or group could get this side of eternity. Why? Because we felt like Jane Whaley was as close to God as any person could be… If you did not act that way and talk that way by showing reverence for her gift and her authority, you did not stay long in the group. Besides, she was always giving us new ways to walk with God (rules) that would prove to others and ourselves how holy and righteous and perfect we were! Is it fair to say that those who have been in WOFF the longest are the most convinced of Jane’s perfection and subsequently – their own? You who live or work around long-time WOFF members and/or those in leadership in that church- tell me. What have you noticed?

    We will take up this subject again in another post. There are more insights from Howerton’s book (link here to her website where you can buy the book… http://www.sharihowerton.com/ ). We also have some other recently discovered resources!  

   Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

   Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

    (Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 247.

    These next quotes are from the documentary- “Join Us”. The film is presented by Interloper Films along with Lusitan and was produced by Ondi Timoner and Vasco Lucas Nunes. (copyright© Third Floor Productions, LLC 2007). Here is the link to the second post for that film…https://religiouscultsinfo.com/?p=3464   Kristy Sullivan is describing her time and her thinking while in the cult called Mountain Rock Church in Anderson, SC. She and her husband have since left the group and received counseling at Wellspring Retreat. I use this quote as it typifies the result of living under the control of a cult leader. From what I can see and determine, Mountain Rock Church has LESS number of rules than WOFF. Their dress was less monitored and they were able to celebrate some holidays. So, the comparison would not be absolute, but it does give a great indication of the emotional state of being in such a controlling environment.

       Kristy: “We were taught that if the parent is in any kind of sin the devil has the right to destroy the children.” Joaquin Sullivan, her husband, “Raimond (the cult leader) tells Kristy she has these demons of laziness in her.” Kristy: “My kid is going to die because I don’t overcome laziness. And so, then I am working really hard cleaning Raimond’s cars… I couldn’t stop you had to get it done in a certain amount of time and do it just right… (crying) I just hate all that crap.. I always felt like I couldn’t do anything right. I couldn’t be good enough in the church and I couldn’t be a wife and I couldn’t be a mother. And that Raimond tells me that this six month old is full of demons and unlovable. The one thing I needed was to know that he would love Josiah (the son). Because he represents God in my life, acceptance from him is (the) total goal…” (this is just after the nine minute mark in the film)

    For some, this explanation from Kristy may seem surreal. How could one person have that much influence and control over another? What did the rules accomplish? What were the end results of the leader’s insistence that this member work out her demons of laziness? Did keeping the rules give Kristy the sense of worth or acceptance she craved and needed? Does anyone else see the brokenness of this type of religious legalism? Does the term Pharisee have any relevance here?

    In religious cults, this is common. In my opinion, the rules, warnings and intense emotional/behavior modification are most times a gradually growing thing that reaches a crescendo in an individual’s life to cause total submission or a total implode and/or withdrawal from the group. The time frame for a withdrawal can vary and take months or years. The submission can last for months or years and then an event or series of events can cause a withdrawal from the group. Each member of a group is affected in different ways and to different degrees. Not everyone will react to the rules in the same manner. What one person will submit to is not necessarily what another one will tolerate.

   This next example is from a book written by a cult survivor. The author, Shari Howerton, was born into a church that was in the William Sowders movement. “Breaking the Chains” Overcoming the Spiritual Abuse of a False Gospel (Copyright © 2009 by Shari Howerton, ISBN- 978-0-9713499-4-0) is a very honest account of her walk through and out of the church she grew up in. She spent about 43 years in that group. The first post about the book is found here …https://religiouscultsinfo.com/?p=3629 . Earlier in the book, she recounts the emotional turmoil over the length of women’s hair in the church and the pastor’s control over that aspect of the women’s lives. There were many other rules, however, from what I can determine; there were not as many rules as in WOFF.

   As she considered her departure from the church, she wrote a lengthy letter to the pastor and his wife explaining her reasoning and feelings about leaving. This quote from her letter speaks to the rules she was required to live under during her membership in the church. “I sincerely don’t understand making rules, which cannot be backed up by Scriptures, for the purpose of our being more accepted by Bro. Jolly’s followers. That just seems inherently wrong to me and not at all about God. I don’t believe people should be required to conform to a rule that is not only unscriptural, but is done to obtain acceptance from other people, in order to qualify for participation in our services. (i.e., having to wear a white shirt to play in the band). That is making a rule more important than the person. Isn’t that the sin of the Pharisees? … I have done things all my life that I did not believe God required of me because I had such a need to be accepted and approved of by other people in our church. But that isn’t serving God. It’s serving my own need to be loved!” (page 139)

    The letter is a detailed explanation of her feelings, doubts and emotions about her stay in the church and her reasoning for her exit. It is very revealing and sincere. She does not admit to having all the answers or doing everything right, but she is excited about finding her way free from many of the nagging questions from her stay in that church. For me, the insight was so plain and easy to follow. If the rule is not backed by Scripture then how can it be an absolute? The shirt example is relevant as in WOFF services; the men can only wear white or blue shirts. Yes, only a certain shade of blue, not too dark… per Jane. I have witnessed men being required to leave the service and change shirts, even if that meant going all the way back home to have the “right shirt”.

   Later on in the same letter, “Because when you stop conforming, people view you differently – as though you’re lost or disobedient to God (because you aren’t convinced every rule came directly from God.)” (page 139) This is true in WOFF. Jane is the voice of God and represents God at WOFF. So, when you do not conform, you are bucking Jane! That is the same as coming against God. People that did not follow the rules were at risk of losing jobs, housing, relationships and membership in the group. Admittedly, I was guilty of thinking that members who did not follow the rules at WOFF were lost or backslidden. I thought that way to justify my following of the rules. If they were lost by not following, then I must be saved by following them. Right? – No, very wrong. Where were grace, truth, faith and Love? … And most of all, where was the relationship with Jesus?

   A major difference from this group and WOFF, Jane Whaley does not fellowship with other churches that are not under her control. She does not allow others to speak in her pulpit that are not totally in-line with her doctrine, beliefs and accept her authority. So, following Jane’s rules are to gain HER acceptance and not another church’s or even God’s approval. How many folks inside WOFF are merely existing in an emotionally wrecked state as they try to shoulder the weight of the burden of all the rules? Who really knows? Can they come out and find freedom? Some have, others will.

   Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

   Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

    (Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 245.

    This was my introduction to a movement begun in around 1914 and at its peak had about “75,000 believers in 300 congregations in 31 states.” (Source here– http://www.dmgac.org/about/leaders/ a church within group)  The leader, William Sowders died in 1952. Recently, a book written by a survivor of this group, Shari Howerton, came to my attention- again through Google Alerts®. “Breaking the Chains” Overcoming the Spiritual Abuse of a False Gospel (Copyright © 2009 by Shari Howerton, ISBN- 978-0-9713499-4-0) –The author was born to a family in a church in that movement. She stayed in that group under the pastor, Cornelius Mears, for 43 years. Near the beginning of the book, she provides more background that helps understand the impact of the doctrines and practices on the lives of its members.

    As I have been reading this book, I have seen several things to note. First there are some differences in the leadership of the church Howerton was a part of and WOFF. The leader(s) in the Sowder movement were men and at WOFF, the leader is a woman- Jane Whaley. There are some similarities on many levels between to the two groups. We will mention one likeness here and we will note more of both, in future of posts.  

     While recounting an incident where church funds were reportedly used to bail out an accused sexual offender, Howerton writes, “There was no such thing as public disclosure of church funds or assets, and we never questioned any financial decision Brother Mears (pastor) made. Asking for accountability would have implied distrust.” (page 86, emphasis added) The same attitude prevails at WOFF. We have posted about this aspect of WOFF in previous posts. Here is a link to a post on the lack of financial disclosure: https://religiouscultsinfo.com/?p=2080 .

   The author’s insight helped me put words as to why I did not question the money flow at WOFF or two other churches, I had attended previously. In the church environment where the center of power, authority and decision making resides with one person, there is a trust in that leader, which can be abused. I did not see it then, but allowing one person to be the absolute authority in spending decisions is NOT wise arrangement in churches or in business. Regardless of the amount of displayed integrity, history proves the temptations with money are always strong and many people do falter and succumb to either self-serving interests and/or some sort of unwise money choices.

    In business, I have seen it over and over through the years. In one form or another, I have worked in consumer finance for over 27 years. It is hard to count the number of situations I know of where a person entrusted with the decision making ability over money has made self-serving, compromising and at times, blatantly illegal choices. Handling other people’s money should have many guidelines and restraints for anyone and EVERYONE who has that responsibility. Why would trust in a religious leader excuse prudent financial restraints? Would it be wise to put any religious leader in a place to be faced with the temptation that unchecked money choices can bring? Why would any religious leader choose to put them self in the position to be tempted with absolute power over other people’s money? It is just NOT a wise choice to make. Why do many founders of religious groups and pastors make that mistake?

    There are many other insights into life in a religious controlling group in this book by Howerton. We will review more of them in later posts. The book has been one that has forced me to consider my time inside of WOFF under the teachings of Jane Whaley and the effects of those teachings. Here is the link to the author’s website where the book can be purchased.  http://www.sharihowerton.com/ I recommend the book for anyone seeking to learn about religious control in a cult or who has survived such a system.  

    Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog.  Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

    Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

       (Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 243.