Tag Archives: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism

Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (7) – Bad Boundaries

2 Comments

    This is the seventh in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Exploitation” in chapter 6. I have put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF. This post will end this part of the series. In a future post, we will revisit the resource book and review the author’s views on “Survival Strategies for a Narcissistic World”- Part III of her book.  

   Hotchkiss begins this chapter by giving some background and perspective as to the importance of having the proper perspective as to our Self and others. Though we are “by nature social creatures who thrive on meaningful affiliations with family, friends and community. We all need to belong to something, someone outside of ourselves… The soundness of the boundary between Self and others will affect not only how we perceive ourselves but how we experience other people and to a certain extent how we are treated by them. Good boundaries, the recognition of separateness, make for healthy relationships.” (page 27) 

   Let me put the author’s comments in light of the religious system of WOFF. In a previous posts, I shared that in the WOFF religion, the concept of “Self” is distorted at best and disdained as a norm. At least for regular members, the boundary of “Self” is not nurtured or respected, but, preached as evil and not having worth. Can we forget the message titled “Living Segmented Lives”, which taught that “God did not want us living “separate lives”…” The net effect was to further condemn those who wanted to have a healthy “Self”- which was seen as evil. What may have sounded like “truth” was in practice used to bind and control members. As a WOFF member, “Why would you put your needs before God’s people or Jane?”

    Additionally, who can count the times that Jane would address the congregation as one and lump us all in together as full of sin, evil, full of lust and the cause of her long worrisome hours of prayer and sleepless nights? When sin was discovered in one member, it was preached and taught as being in all. There were numerous services where different “sins” associated with “Self” were “dealt with”. Jane used the Scriptures referencing the “Body” of Christ as a tool to destroy any healthy “Self” by using the need to “belong to something, someone outside of ourselves…” as a means to submit to her unhealthy application of a Scriptural principle.   

   Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (7) – Bad Boundaries →

Books, Resources, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (6) – Exploitation

1 Comment

  This is the sixth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Entitlement” in chapter 5. I have put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.

  Hotchkiss begins Chapter 6 “Exploitation”, by giving some background perspective on how a healthy person learns to empathize with others. “The ability to empathize, to grasp accurately how another person feels and to feel compassionate in response, requires us to step outside ourselves momentarily to tune in to someone else… We may or may not share the feelings being expressed, but we accept them without judgment or distortion.” She writes that in moments of empathy, “…, we do bridge the gap between two separate beings. That cannot happen unless we are able to experience ourselves as separate in the first place. The sense of one’s Self as separate and autonomous is a developmental milestone that normally occurs in small increments between the ages of one to three or four. In order to read others accurately, we must first be able to see ourselves in realistic terms and identify our feelings as belonging to us.” (page 23)  

   As I write this, I am reminded that when member of WOFF reads this, it may seem like a foreign language. WOFF members do not get any training and therefore have no real trust in explanations of life events from a psychological perspective. If I quoted Scripture profusely, then they would be able to assess and analyze the positions taken. Yes, much of this has been new for me to comprehend and reconcile with the teachings I was under for many years. But, let’s go forward and keep digging.

   Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (6) – Exploitation →

Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (5) – Is Jane Entitled?

Leave a comment

  This is the fifth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Envy” in chapter 4. I have put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.

    As a review, we have discussed several characteristics of a narcissist. The list so far has included – shamelessness – which actually was found to be a “supremely shame sensitive” nature. Next, we looked at “magical thinking” in a narcissist. Since Jane Whaley does not believe in magic and uses religion to further her goals, we renamed this as “religious delusion”. The term explains a lot about the distortion of reality. After that we covered “arrogance” and its origins at WOFF. The author explained the competition in a narcissist and how the arrogance “serves as a protective barrier to keep the “stink” of imperfection off the Narcissist, providing insulation from feelings of shame about personal shortcomings.”  (page 14) And in the previous post, we discussed the envy in a Narcissist and the maneuvers made to satisfy it, while all the while denying its existence.

   Hotchkiss writes that the sense of “entitlement” is another “deadly sin” of narcissism. She describes the nature of a narcissist to include the attitude reflected in these statements: “If you cannot make yourself useful in meeting my need, then you are of no value and will most likely be treated accordingly, and if you defy my will, prepare to feel my wrath. Hell hath no fury like the Narcissist denied.” (page 20) This plays out in a more subtle manner at WOFF. Within the WOFF-religion, Jane’s ultimate need is adulation from as many people as will believe her “gospel”. To believe her “gospel” is to stay in her group and worship her. If you cannot do this, then as a WOFF member, you will be treated accordingly. This could be an attempt to reeducate you to “God’s will” by putting you on church discipline or putting you out of the church. If you vocalize or act against her will, you will see and feel her wrath. If you doubt, ask those who have been so “blessed”.  I know a few.

   Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (5) – Is Jane Entitled? →

Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (4) – Is There Envy at WOFF?

2 Comments

Is There Envy at WOFF?

  This is the fourth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Arrogance” in chapter 3. I put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.

   Hotchkiss writes, “The Narcissist’s need to secure a sense of superiority encounters an obstacle whenever someone else appears to have something that he or she lacks. Pop goes the internal balloon as the other’s threat to the superiority of Me registers deep within the unconscious…. What weapon does the Narcissist choose to silence the rumblings of shame?… The answer is contempt… Never mind that the “so and so” may be utterly humble and completely unaware of having given offense – this is a narcissistic distortion akin to shame-dumping and may have no connection to reality.” (page 15)

   Honestly, when I first read this chapter it did not register as I still had a problem with assigning to Jane Whaley the characteristic of envy. Part of that is because in my thinking, this trait had to be simply obvious. As I read further and began to recall certain events at WOFF, my thinking began to change. The author makes a point that the alarms and signals of distress in the narcissist register “deep within the unconscious” mind. Also, she writes that the offending party may be “completely unaware of having given offense”. The author continues, “Then comes the laundry list of the other’s flaws and it can get pretty dirty. The intent, usually quite unconscious, is to soil the other (person) enough so that the Narcissist, by comparison is restored to the superior position. There may be awareness of feelings of disdain (always justified of course), but the feeling of envy will be adamantly denied. To admit envy would be to acknowledge inferiority, which no good Narcissist would ever do.” (page 15-16)  

   Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (4) – Is There Envy at WOFF? →

Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized, WOFF Updates

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (3) – WOFF Arrogance?

Leave a comment

  Before we get into the subject of the third post in this series, I must admit I left out a point when closing the previous post. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “magical thinking” in chapter 2. Since Jane Whaley does not believe in magic, we renamed the characteristic “religious delusion” and have attempted to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF).

  “Magical thinking, exploitive idealization, and the devaluation of others via shame-dumping and belittling are all attempts on the part of the Narcissist to avoid feeling defective and insignificant.” We then explained the shame-dumping as religious shame-dumping and how this occurred in the WOFF setting. The next statement reflects on how the Narcissist characteristics affect the closest relationships for that person. “At best, these tactics create barriers to intimacy and acceptance. In a relationship with such a character, you will never know what it is like to be loved and appreciated for who you really are. At worst, the unending distortions will confuse you and wear away your self-esteem.” (page 10)

  Can anyone who has witnessed the constant belittling and badgering of Sam Whaley in WOFF church services by Jane, put forth an explanation that is any more accurate? The process Sam endured as he was molded by Jane into someone other than whom he really appears to be has been hard to watch and confusing to say the least. The apparent pleasure that Jane exhibited as she belittled Sam in front of us all was confusing as it did not seem like the love of God. Of course there was always a spiritual reason for the cuts and digs. Do any WOFF members remember it differently? Let me know. We move on.

Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (3) – WOFF Arrogance? →

Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Thought Reform, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (2)

4 Comments

   This is the second post from a book titled, “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). The purpose of the book is to put in layman’s term the description of narcissism and also give the reader strategies to live with or around a narcissist. This book is filled with observations and insights that I believe help explain the plight of being a member of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Why?  As mentioned previously, in my opinion, Jane Whaley, as the leader of WOFF, is a prime example of a narcissist who makes her living using religion to control others. For the most part, the author does not mention how religion or religious practices would enter into explaining the methods or “Sins” of a narcissist. However, I will attempt to expand on a few concepts Hotchkiss puts forth and explain them in light of the religious setting at WOFF.

   In the previous post, we covered the shamelessness of a Narcissist that actually is evidence of a very shame-sensitive person who has not learned to process and learn from any situation in life that brings shame for whatever reason. The author listed a few signs from a Narcissist which show they are attempting to direct their shame outward and away from Self.  These situations that brought the reactions may be a “minor incident or social slight”. There may be no real cause for shame or even regret.  We will now explore how this shame is pushed off or “dumped” on the WOFF members in the course of practicing their “religion”, and how it is used to mold behavior and intensify loyalty to Jane and her “gift”.

   Hotchkiss writes in Chapter 2 titled “Magical Thinking”, “THE NEED TO AVOID SHAME at all costs creates a continual dilemma for the Narcissist, as life has a way of regularly doling out humbling experiences that cannot be taken in stride. There is always someone who is better, brighter, more beautiful, more successful, (and) more anything-you-can-think-of. The fact that no one is perfect is of little comfort to Narcissists, however, because they see themselves as the exception to this natural law. Their challenge is to find a way to stay pumped up inside in order to hold these harsh realities at bay. The methods they typically employ involve a considerable amount of distortion and illusion, what psychologists call “magical thinking”.” (page 7)

  Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (2) →

Books, Resources, Criteria for Cults, Uncategorized

Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (1)

Leave a comment

   Recently, I was given a book titled, “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). The purpose of the book is to put in layman’s term the description of narcissism and also give the reader strategies to deal with and live with a narcissist. This book is filled with observations and insights that I believe help explain the plight of being a member of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Why? In my opinion, Jane Whaley, as the leader of WOFF, is a prime example of a narcissist who makes her living using religion to control others. In the author’s explanation of narcissism, Hotchkiss makes only occasional references to religion other than in the title of the book. She does not mention how religion or religious practices would enter into explaining the methods of a narcissist. However, I will attempt to expand on a few concepts Hotchkiss puts forth and explain them in light of the religious setting at WOFF.

   First off, if you have been, or are now a member of WOFF and do not agree that Jane Whaley exhibits some characteristic of narcissism or even some minimal selfishness, then there is no use to continue reading; this post will only confuse you. However, if you wonder why the social dynamics which compose WOFF-life and thus life around Jane are so volatile or dramatic, then read on. See if these ideas help you understand why WOFF-life around Jane is less than peaceful at times, while at others, downright volcanic.

   Hotchkiss uses examples and personal scenarios meant to illustrate her observations and her points about the subject. For the most part, I will not repeat these examples in this post since none of them are in a religious setting and would not add to my theory. However, when possible, I will recount scenes from WOFF-life which demonstrate my theory and explanations. I have been considering the content of this post for several days. At this point, it seems in some ways so obvious, yet, so large that I hope I can convey the main points so others can understand them. I am not sure how many posts it will take to cover the insights from this book, but, let us begin….

   Continue reading Religion Used as a Narcissist’s Tool of Control (1) →