Hotchkiss begins this chapter by giving some background and perspective as to the importance of having the proper perspective as to our Self and others. Though we are “by nature social creatures who thrive on meaningful affiliations with family, friends and community. We all need to belong to something, someone outside of ourselves… The soundness of the boundary between Self and others will affect not only how we perceive ourselves but how we experience other people and to a certain extent how we are treated by them. Good boundaries, the recognition of separateness, make for healthy relationships.” (page 27) 

   Let me put the author’s comments in light of the religious system of WOFF. In a previous posts, I shared that in the WOFF religion, the concept of “Self” is distorted at best and disdained as a norm. At least for regular members, the boundary of “Self” is not nurtured or respected, but, preached as evil and not having worth. Can we forget the message titled “Living Segmented Lives”, which taught that “God did not want us living “separate lives”…” The net effect was to further condemn those who wanted to have a healthy “Self”- which was seen as evil. What may have sounded like “truth” was in practice used to bind and control members. As a WOFF member, “Why would you put your needs before God’s people or Jane?”

    Additionally, who can count the times that Jane would address the congregation as one and lump us all in together as full of sin, evil, full of lust and the cause of her long worrisome hours of prayer and sleepless nights? When sin was discovered in one member, it was preached and taught as being in all. There were numerous services where different “sins” associated with “Self” were “dealt with”. Jane used the Scriptures referencing the “Body” of Christ as a tool to destroy any healthy “Self” by using the need to “belong to something, someone outside of ourselves…” as a means to submit to her unhealthy application of a Scriptural principle.   

      Having said all that and stating the obvious that after my time under these teachings for sixteen years, I am cannot proclaim to now have a truly balanced, healthy view of my “Self”. After all those sermons and blasting, loud prayer and deliverance sessions, my perspective of what is a healthy “Self” lacks strength and focus – for sure. However, after having been on the inside and now, on the outside of WOFF, it is evident how unhealthy, destructive and manipulated regular members were/are in regards to their individuality. Is it plain to others that Jane Whaley has structured her religion to demean and subjugate members of WOFF to serve her needs? This should become clearer and we move on.

   Hotchkiss writes, “The Narcissist suffers from a deep character flaw in the development of a sense of Self. This flaw prevents such individuals from being able to recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who offer the possibility of some sort of gratification will be treated as if they are part of the Narcissist and will be expected, automatically, to live up the person’s expectations. In the mind of a Narcissist, there is no boundary between Self and other.” (page 27-28)

    How would this be reflected at WOFF and/or in Jane’s world? Jane has created certain boundaries in her WOFF religion for sure. Some of them are very obvious. For instance, when you are IN WOFF, you are in and others are out. If a new person visits WOFF, they are not IN until Jane allows them to be IN. That is a very tangible boundary. Also, once you are in, as a consequence of the dynamics of the group, there is a gradual push or pressure to merge that person into WOFF to be “in their place”. This is evident as a new person moves from receiving the euphoric expressions of “love” when they first join, into an assessment period. This is when someone in authority helps the new one acclimate, all the while searching for what this person could add to the group or ultimately to be a credit or service to Jane. For instance, can the new person sew or cook or watch children or do they have a trade that is needed in WOFF? If new talents are brought into WOFF, it keeps members from going to the world for that service or talent. That is essence strengthens the “we vs. them” boundary and keeps things in the family so to speak.

    If as a new member, you were a plumber, you would then be asked to help members in the church with their plumbing. You may get paid for it or you may not. You may get reimbursed for your parts, you may not. You would be told this is part of your ministry and you are serving God by serving His people. Why would you let your desire for your family take you away from “serving God”? The normal healthy boundaries of Self and the need to be with your family would fade or disintegrate over time as you served the needs of the “Body” and thus kept things flowing in Jane’s kingdom. Once your “gift” or talents were known, you were expected “to live up the person’s (Jane’s) expectations” and be a minister in all you do…  

   The author makes some statements about those allow these boundary violations. “People who tolerate boundary violations are generally those who, like the Narcissist, have not formed a strong sense of separate Self, usually because they have been trained to accept intrusions while growing up in their own families and have not been given support for autonomy.” (page 29) This observation helps explain how a person could get caught up in a narcissistic web and still be very intelligent. It becomes more obvious as I study this book and relate it to other material, that being a religious cult and/or under the control of a Narcissist has nothing to do with a person’s intelligence. History shows that very intelligent people have come under the influence of cult leaders.

   Hotchkiss also notes, “The Narcissist is often equally unaware when violating the personal boundaries of others.” (page 30) In my opinion, I believe that Jane does not see her WOFF religion as a violation of personal boundaries. After all, she believes everyone in her church wants to serve God with their whole heart. To do so in her mind means doing whatever the will of God is regardless of what one must give up or walk away from or which family member gets stirred… As a rationalization, Jane believes that serving God in the way she teaches is how people fulfill their call and make it to heaven. After all, in Jane’s thinking, it is not her telling them what to do; it is God through her speaking to them. If they believe God through her they will be in His will. If they do not, they are out there on their own, out from under God’s protection and subject to the devil. How do I know this about Jane? I heard it over and over – year after year.  

   After reviewing this Jane-logic, is it obvious how a WOFF member could be influenced to surrender personal boundaries as well as family boundaries when they enter WOFF? The need to belong added to the desire to be pleasing to “God”, fulfill your call and make it to heaven, all serve as strong motivators to surrender even the possibility for a healthy “Self” and be merged into the oneness of WOFF in the service of Jane.

   In conclusion, I believe Jane is totally unaware how she violates and replaces the personal boundaries of her members with the church boundary of either being IN or out of WOFF. She believes her own “gospel” of her specialness and has no idea that MANY of those who have passed through her church have had their lives destroyed. One reason for the destruction has been the necessity to surrender your personal and familial boundaries to serve Jane and obey her rules and live as she says “God” wants you to live. To be a member of WOFF, you were/are merged into the WOFF family and lose the practice or the hope of having your true identity. WOFF members became/become an extension of Jane and were/are totally controlled by her desires and her needs. There is no “recognition of separateness” within WOFF. Are you kidding? For WOFF members, their only “meaningful affiliations with family, friends and community” were/are met within WOFF or not met at all.

   In summary, what have we learned in this series? We have reviewed “The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” and discussed how they were/are seen in Jane or the practices of Jane’s religion. We started with the appearance of “shamlessness” which we learned was someone who was “shame-sensitive” and trying to avoid shame. Next, we discussed “magical thinking” and renamed that “religious delusion”. Jane does not believe in magic, but, she does consider herself special. She does not see how in her legalism she dumps her shame on others. This is ultimately used to control them.

   Next, we looked into the arrogance or WOFF-pride that so often shows itself. We discussed this being a ploy for Jane to satisfy her need for competition, all the while believing as she “wins”, that will keep the “stink of her imperfection” off of her. “Envy” was next. Does Jane display envy? Is it possible that as she puts down other preachers that this in fact displaying her envy for their success on the national stage? After this, we discussed “Entitlement” and Jane’s apparent belief that she is entitled to the best clothes, shoes and purses that her money given to her from her members will let her buy.

   Next, “Exploitation” which Hotchkiss says “involves using of others without regard for their feelings or interests”. Can you agree that controlling lives by telling them they will be a lawyer and not a doctor is exploitation?  This was/is just one example of how Jane exploited her members. Do I need to call names? When considering the above definition, what is WOFF-religion other than daily exploitation of its members? And last, we have been sharing about “bad boundaries”. In WOFF, there was no personal boundary that did not get crossed. From the bedroom to the bathroom, to the office, all was subject to Jane’s control. Comments welcome.

 Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

     Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

     Guest posts reflect the opinions of the writers. Their opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of John Huddle or any other persons affiliated with this blog.

       Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, for posts written by John Huddle, any information about WOFF is from his memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be.  Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 340.

  Hotchkiss begins Chapter 6 “Exploitation”, by giving some background perspective on how a healthy person learns to empathize with others. “The ability to empathize, to grasp accurately how another person feels and to feel compassionate in response, requires us to step outside ourselves momentarily to tune in to someone else… We may or may not share the feelings being expressed, but we accept them without judgment or distortion.” She writes that in moments of empathy, “…, we do bridge the gap between two separate beings. That cannot happen unless we are able to experience ourselves as separate in the first place. The sense of one’s Self as separate and autonomous is a developmental milestone that normally occurs in small increments between the ages of one to three or four. In order to read others accurately, we must first be able to see ourselves in realistic terms and identify our feelings as belonging to us.” (page 23)  

   As I write this, I am reminded that when member of WOFF reads this, it may seem like a foreign language. WOFF members do not get any training and therefore have no real trust in explanations of life events from a psychological perspective. If I quoted Scripture profusely, then they would be able to assess and analyze the positions taken. Yes, much of this has been new for me to comprehend and reconcile with the teachings I was under for many years. But, let’s go forward and keep digging.

    We will discuss this in more detail in an upcoming post as the next chapter is on “bad boundaries”, but, in the religion that Jane has created, “Self” is not recognized as valuable. In my opinion, at WOFF there was misuse and perversion of the Scriptural teaching of “dying to self.” So, for it to be said of Jane that she does not have a “sense of one’s Self as separate and autonomous” is not something that would carry weight or be a concern. I think it will make more sense as we move on why within WOFF, individualism and free choice and critical thinking are of no value. The direction of the WOFF-religion is to replace any independence with total dependence on the WOFF system and ultimately on Jane. All the while Jane and her leaders can be heard declaring this dependence is on God. If that were true, then why do regular members still need their decision “checked out”; if indeed they are being taught to depend on God? Does this teaching from Jane ever really work, if no one can truly depend on God unless Jane approves it? This is a very subtle process that can be seen in certain practices such referring to Jane as “Mother Jane” or “Grandma Jane”, along with emphasizing the importance of the WOFF –family over a member’s natural family. Is this making sense? We move on.

   The author continues her argument that this inability to empathize can be traced to certain events in young childhood. “Empathy will not develop, however, unless the child achieves a separate sense of Self and the capacity to tolerate a range of emotion, including shame. Bypassed shame—the shame that narcissistic people so deeply suppress that is remains beneath conscious awareness—stunts the growth of empathy. Without empathy, people have difficulty controlling aggressive impulses.” (page 24)  There will be some who read this and will attest to Jane having “empathy”. To that I will acknowledge that within the WOFF-religion that Jane has created, there are opportunities for her to show empathetic gestures. Also, I admit I do not know the inner thoughts Jane has while doing these acts. However, when observing an apparent act of empathy or compassion from Jane, note who retains the “aura” or gets credit for hearing God to bestow the “blessing”… If the “shine” from doing the act still reflects wonderment at Jane’s ability to “hear God”, was it true empathy or was it a power play for more adulation from whoever was looking at the moment? When members didn’t agree with Jane’s wisdom and dare express it, how was that received? Have you ever seen Jane act aggressively toward those who didn’t bow to her aura? This is all food for thought.

    “Driven by shame and prone to rage and aggression, the Narcissist never develops the capacity to identify with or even to recognize the feelings and needs of others. This is a person who, in terms of emotional development, got stuck around the age of one or two. Others are not seen as separate entities, but rather as extensions of Self, there to do the Narcissist bidding. This, along with an underdeveloped conscience, tends to make them interpersonally exploitative.” (page24) Again, I will point out that within the WOFF religion, Jane can display empathetic acts and even some signs of a type of compassion, but, take a step back and look at the apparent goal. Does the goal seem to be to draw those recipients into the WOFF religion and/or Jane’s personal narcissistic web? After all when new people come into WOFF, they are often showered with gifts and favors. Do these “blessings” come with strings? Yes. Then they were not true acts of empathy or compassion. Those “blessings” turned out to be ropes to bind and nets to hold within Jane’s group. Have you ever been to a wedding shower or baby shower?

   Here is one example for those who were there; do you remember what was said when Holly Hamrick left? “After all the clothes we gave her and the job we helped her get? We gave her a place to live and look how she has treated us.” Do others remember that? Now, for certain, since I was inside WOFF during the whole drama, I know I do NOT know the entire story. The longer I am out, the more clear it becomes that while inside WOFF, we were told only what Jane wanted us to know. That was only what made her look good and guiltless. I have learned, in many of those dramas, she was neither. There have been others on which Jane and her leadership attempted to use the guilt and shame card because of all that was done to “help” someone who ended up leaving. Does this sound like the love of God?

    The title of chapter 6 is “Exploitation”. The explanation put forth by the author is best summarized in the following passage. “Exploitation can take many forms but always involves the using of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other (person) is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed. The offense can be as mild as a one-sided friendship in which one gives and the other takes, as commonplace as a selfish lover or a demanding boss, or as horrendous as sexual predation or harassment on the job. It may not involve deceit, but quite often includes distortions of reality.  (page 25)

    While inside WOFF, I did not see many of the happenings at WOFF as exploitative. One religious notion used to cover the true nature of the deeds was that Jane and leadership were doing whatever it took to help members to “serve God”. And with that “religious reasoning” buttressed with any number of Scripture references that had been conjured up to justify treating “…others without regard for their feelings or interests” life moved on at WOFF one drama at a time. The months melted into years and the years seemed like hours passing in one long day. People were constantly being exploited for Jane’s sake and in the name of her WOFF religion, in order to feed her narcissist needs. When I first considered writing this post, I imagined listing all the acts I had witnessed inside WOFF which I now see were exploitation by Jane and her leadership. Frankly, I do not have the space.  Actually, the list would be incomplete as each week I talk to former members and learn of new violations thrust upon them. This has served to create a growing desire to see it all stop. The world that Jane has created is a true distortion of reality. I can only do my part to help others tell their stories of what was done to them with the purpose of “causing them to serve God”.  

   In closing, I will leave you with these questions. If there was no exploitation involved at WOFF, why were members subject to constant scrutiny and not allowed true, free exits from the group? If there was no exploitation meant to feed some need in Jane, then why were there so many pressures to conform and obey Jane’s rules and dictates- without question? If there were not exploitive acts during my times at WOFF, why were so many folks forced to chose between membership at WOFF (billed as the only place to serve God) and relationship with their friends and family outside the group?  

   For present WOFF members; If I am wrong about all this and Jane is not a narcissist and is not “interpersonally exploitative”, then you are fine and should enjoy your time at WOFF. Really? If I am only right about some of this and really missed it on other points, then you should look into it further and carefully learn where I am right or wrong. If, in your reading, you find I am right about all or most of this, then do yourself a favor, get help and leave WOFF as quick as possible.  

   Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

     Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

     Guest posts reflect the opinions of the writers. Their opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of John Huddle or any other persons affiliated with this blog.

       Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, for posts written by John Huddle, any information about WOFF is from his memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be.  Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 339.

    As a review, we have discussed several characteristics of a narcissist. The list so far has included – shamelessness – which actually was found to be a “supremely shame sensitive” nature. Next, we looked at “magical thinking” in a narcissist. Since Jane Whaley does not believe in magic and uses religion to further her goals, we renamed this as “religious delusion”. The term explains a lot about the distortion of reality. After that we covered “arrogance” and its origins at WOFF. The author explained the competition in a narcissist and how the arrogance “serves as a protective barrier to keep the “stink” of imperfection off the Narcissist, providing insulation from feelings of shame about personal shortcomings.”  (page 14) And in the previous post, we discussed the envy in a Narcissist and the maneuvers made to satisfy it, while all the while denying its existence.

   Hotchkiss writes that the sense of “entitlement” is another “deadly sin” of narcissism. She describes the nature of a narcissist to include the attitude reflected in these statements: “If you cannot make yourself useful in meeting my need, then you are of no value and will most likely be treated accordingly, and if you defy my will, prepare to feel my wrath. Hell hath no fury like the Narcissist denied.” (page 20) This plays out in a more subtle manner at WOFF. Within the WOFF-religion, Jane’s ultimate need is adulation from as many people as will believe her “gospel”. To believe her “gospel” is to stay in her group and worship her. If you cannot do this, then as a WOFF member, you will be treated accordingly. This could be an attempt to reeducate you to “God’s will” by putting you on church discipline or putting you out of the church. If you vocalize or act against her will, you will see and feel her wrath. If you doubt, ask those who have been so “blessed”.  I know a few.

 “Narcissists hold these unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves uniquely special. In social situations, you will talk about them or what they are interested in because they are more important, more knowledgeable, or more captivating than anyone else.” (page 20) I will just say it because for those who have been around Jane for any length of time, they will either see it or go to great lengths to deny it. Over time, one learns that Jane carries an attitude that she is “uniquely special”. She is more knowledgeable about her “Jesus” and why you do not know him or love him and need to repent. Jane will eventually get to this subject, if you let her talk long enough. I was told, and thus used to believe this was her gift. I now consider it as an indication of who SHE believes SHE is and not about Jesus at all. In my opinion, when this happens, she is fishing for an attitude or some evidence that could help her determine if you are a candidate for her “church” or adulation team. Why? Because your worth to her is to be “useful in meeting my(her) need”. Simply put, that is to be a working part of the group that follows her every word and is meant to confirm that she is “uniquely special”.    

      The author continues to describe the entitlement of a narcissist. “And if they have real power over you, they feel entitled to use you as they see fit, you must not question their authority. Any failure to comply will be seen as an attack their superiority. Defiance to their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger rage and self righteous aggression.” (page 20) I will just start by saying that this is an accurate description of WOFF-life for regular members who must stay the line with Jane’s will, as it is sold as “God’s will”. This is all part of the religious cloud that covers Jane true illness. She has founded a religion that places her at the top while all the time disguising her will as God’s will. If you doubt, then try to do something original that you honestly believe you should do — like leave WOFF, and see if Jane confirms that in her spirit! If it is not her idea first, you “did not hear God”. Because of her unique specialness, she is entitled to hear God for you and you are required to agree or you did not hear God. If you don’t follow what she hears for your life, you are in rebellion to God! Yes, that makes perfect WOFF-sense, right?

    Hotchkiss goes on to explain the stages of development from childhood that a healthy child passes through maturing out of the “terrible twos” where they are “the center of the universe”. When I read that I had to chuckle, as I have used that phrase to describe certain children older than two who live in WOFF! “The undeflated child turns into an arrogant adult who expects others to serve as constant mirrors of his or her wonderfulness. In positions of power, they can be egotistical tyrants who will have their way without regard for anyone else.” (page 21) Well, she said it, I didn’t. Do these statements possibly explain how Jane became who she is today?

   This next passage is so full of key insights, I will comment after each statement. These are all from page 22:  “It is not worthiness the Narcissist feels when he or she communicates “I deserve”. In Jane’s religion, she “deserves” because God wants her to have these things. What things? These things or “blessings” include CLOTHES, shoes, purses, fine jewelry, a big house and so on and so on. I heard her say if she laid her clothes out on the ground, they would cover two city blocks. She expresses her entitlement by the “gospel” she preaches with her lifestyle. Sam is more open and sometimes takes criticism from Jane for how he takes up offerings. But, she does not deny what she feels she deserves. Her conscious must be clear as her religion allows her to “deserve”.

   “Narcissistic entitlement has nothing to do with genuine self-esteem, which comes from real accomplishment and being true to one’s own ideals.” From others parts of this book, it is clear Jane’s self-esteem is weak as she must depend on the adulation for the image she projects to keep her afloat. “Individuals who feel entitled to respect without giving it in return, or who expect rewards without effort, or a life free of discomfort, are forfeiting any power they might have to shape their own destiny.” Is it too much to acknowledge that Jane feels she deserves “respect”? After all, look at the sacrifices she has made for her members!  And if asked, I believe Jane would say she has deep respect for her members. That, my friend, would be a big lie. Jane acts as if she deserves respect, but will not give it back to her members. How do we know? She does not respect them enough to allow them to make their own choices in their life! She cannot truly respect those whom she controls. Do you agree?

     We will explain in more detail Jane’s entitlement to a life free of discomfort in a subsequent post. Here is a quote Jim Jones and showing how he felt about this matter. From The Raven, (Copyright©1982 by Tim Reiterman, published by the Penguin Group, ISBN- 978-1-58542-678-2)- the beginning of Part Six- The Emperor Jones, “I can do anything I want because I’ve sacrificed to give everybody the good life.” Jim Jones September 1977, ham radio broadcast from Jonestown.” (page 343) We remember the “good life” Jim Jones provided. His comment reminded me of Jane’s proclamation that she had prayed all night and lost sleep because of our sin! “Your sin makes me sick!” She was, in essence, reminding us why she deserved better than the life she had around us sinners. Were her prayers very effective if she constantly reminded us of them and how we still were “full of sin”? Yes, she is entitled to better!

   Hotchkiss continues in the same passage, “They (the Narcissist) assume an essentially passive role and count on outside forces to make them happy.” At first, this seems like a contradiction when watching Jane. Is she passive? If I understand the author, the narcissist can be active in controlling others, but, passive is seeking true happiness within themselves as they depend on others to affirm their worthiness and trumpet their beauty. This is because inwardly, the putrid “stink of their own imperfections” can overtake them at any minute and crush their faux construct called Self.  

   “When what they expect does not happen, they feel impotent. By claiming entitlement, they demand to live in the fantasy world of a one-year-old child. No wonder they are enraged. Entitlement and the rage that comes with it are tip-offs to the arrest in healthy development that is narcissism.” (page 22) Does anyone still deny that Jane can hit a fit of rage in a split second, all the while excusing it as “the anger of God”? She may deceive herself in this, but, I am not deceived. In my opinion and to my understanding, the author has explained quite clearly the entitlement attitude that exudes from Jane. I also see how she uses the religion she has constructed to attempt to cover her weaknesses; all the while craving the worship and fawning attention of her members.  

   We will continue to explore The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism. The next one the author explains is “Exploitation”. That is right; I am not making this up! Wow, that should be easy to recognize in Jane and at WOFF. Here is a quote from the next chapter which we will explore in a future post, “Exploitation can take many forms but always involves the using of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other (person) is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible.”  (page 25) Who would honestly deny the pyramid structure of WOFF and that such a structure makes situations ripe for exploitation? As Jane and her die-hard believers (leadership) are willing to do whatever it takes to make others “walk with God”; the feelings and interests of regular members are ignored, mocked and subject to ridicule. I must close, but, please return to read the next post in this series. In it we will share about the exploitation at WOFF. As each month passes, I learn more and more.

    Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

     Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

     Guest posts reflect the opinions of the writers. Their opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of John Huddle or any other persons affiliated with this blog.

       Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, for posts written by John Huddle, any information about WOFF is from his memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be.  Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 336.

  This is the fourth in a series about the subject of narcissism. The source book has been – “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” (Copyright©2002, 2003 by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, published by FREE PRESS, ISBN-13:978-0-7432-1428-5). I have been quoting excerpts from the source book and comparing them to my experiences at Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF). Our last post on this book focused on the author’s explanation of “Arrogance” in chapter 3. I put forth my ideas while attempting to explain the author’s observations in light of the religious setting of WOFF.

   Hotchkiss writes, “The Narcissist’s need to secure a sense of superiority encounters an obstacle whenever someone else appears to have something that he or she lacks. Pop goes the internal balloon as the other’s threat to the superiority of Me registers deep within the unconscious…. What weapon does the Narcissist choose to silence the rumblings of shame?… The answer is contempt… Never mind that the “so and so” may be utterly humble and completely unaware of having given offense – this is a narcissistic distortion akin to shame-dumping and may have no connection to reality.” (page 15)

   Honestly, when I first read this chapter it did not register as I still had a problem with assigning to Jane Whaley the characteristic of envy. Part of that is because in my thinking, this trait had to be simply obvious. As I read further and began to recall certain events at WOFF, my thinking began to change. The author makes a point that the alarms and signals of distress in the narcissist register “deep within the unconscious” mind. Also, she writes that the offending party may be “completely unaware of having given offense”. The author continues, “Then comes the laundry list of the other’s flaws and it can get pretty dirty. The intent, usually quite unconscious, is to soil the other (person) enough so that the Narcissist, by comparison is restored to the superior position. There may be awareness of feelings of disdain (always justified of course), but the feeling of envy will be adamantly denied. To admit envy would be to acknowledge inferiority, which no good Narcissist would ever do.” (page 15-16)  

   To these text quotes, I will add that because of the religious environment of WOFF, any appearance of envy would be automatically denied and/or rationalized as something other than what it was. Why would this be required? Hotchkiss answers this later in the chapter with this observation, “Envy is such a common human foible that is made the biblical list of deadly sins.” (page18) Showing obvious envy would compromise Jane’s self appointed “authority” and certainly her claim to “perfection”. After acknowledging all of this, I will recount certain events witnessed at WOFF, some of which have been written about in previous posts.

   One visiting minister was allowed to speak from the pulpit during my time at WOFF. That was Dr. “Z” from Africa. Jane met him on an airplane trip and allowed him to visit. Who knows what her true motives were? However, she did give out a laundry list of flaws as to why we should not count his preaching/teaching/message to be on the same level as hers. After all he did not receive with gladness the prayer offered him before he left and besides “He was not walking where we are walking”. The underlying message was that of course Jane walked in a higher place in the spirit and to consider otherwise was to be foolish. She was “superior” in “the things of God”. Well, I did not catch the full impact of that day until I considered the next event.

    In a May Seminar either late 90’s or a just before 2002, Jane showed several ministers on “monitors” that she had recorded from her television. The original post titled “The May Seminar We Watched TV Preachers” is found here: https://religiouscultsinfo.com/?p=266 . It was such a tumultuous service. But, in light of the “laundry list” of why each minister was not preaching the gospel or had worldly music or was in error, how else could this be explained other than Jane using the opportunity  “to soil the other (person) enough so that the Narcissist(Jane), by comparison is restored to the superior position.” I have a hard time thinking the message that the preachers taught was the subject of envy for Jane. For by all accounts, she considers herself behind in no area of “revelation from God”. No, I believe that somewhere she needed to reestablish here superiority and justify in her mind why she did/does not have television ministry. After all, many of her “Fathers in the Faith” from Kenneth Hagin to Kenneth Copeland to Jerry Savelle on down to whoever may have ordained her could be the secret object of her envy. They all have been or on television.  In years past, she has sought to separate herself from that type of teaching. She also may have felt threatened as the television preachers had an opportunity to become well accepted and receive even larger financial contributions than she did. The list of why she felt threatened during this time could be long.

   Another consistent happening at WOFF which was mainly orchestrated by Jane Whaley was the barrage of insults and accusations hurled at those who had left the group. There could be many reasons for this signature practice of Jane Whaley and her group. The least of reasons could be to discourage any present member from longing for the day when they could be free from the restraints of WOFF and the tirades of Jane. After all, to make a break for the door would be to for sure consider that after you left your would be talked about like the ones who had left previously. Another reason would be to quash any desire to follow or learn why someone had truly left. Many times, the true reasons seemed clouded and stained or filtered to say the least. Can we forget the wedding pictures of a former member which were passed around and used to warn others that if they left, they would be just like those in the pictures? We were told we would drink beer, get fat and wear short dresses. Really? No matter which member left, Jane always came out looking like and smelling like the rose of righteousness. That was to the WOFF members still in the corral. Could all of this justifying be in order to make Jane look and smell perfect as a cover-up for a fragile, insecure Narcissist struggling to keep the charade going, even if just in her own thinking?

   “Obsequiousness toward those in power is another version of envy in disguise. Someone else’s power is very threatening to a Narcissist and evokes not only envy and contempt but fear of retaliation.” (page 18) After I looked up “obsequiousness” and learned the meaning, I could agree with the statement and how it relates to Jane. A paraphrased definition would be a false fawning act of compliance. My thoughts turned to the list of politicians that have paraded through WOFF and Jane’s reaction to them as she praised them and gave up her precious pulpit to them to express their ideas. Could it be that politicians represent a “power” that Jane envies and in some ways fears? Is it possible that she does whatever it takes to please the ones she thinks have or will have the power over her and her “ministry”?

“Narcissistic envy, fueled by the desperate need to be superior, is something far darker. Like so much else that goes on within a Narcissist, it is unconscious or denied, which makes it much more dangerous. Unaware of either envy or the need for superiority, these individuals may feel only self-righteous contempt. And that, dear reader, is just another word for hate.” (page 18) So, am I saying that Jane harbors envy and hate in her heart? If that is not true, then explain the conduct that has been noted from my WOFF days. Yes, Jane admits to “hating the devil”. That is no surprise. But, in her mind, either consciously or unconsciously, could she also be excusing her feelings as justified for those that “listen to the devil” and leave her? Could leaving Jane be seen by her as saying “I am better than you” and no longer believe your lies and you have no more power over me? Could her constant drive to be “superior” in “the things of God” be her justification for her actions towards those who she believes have left her God and left her “church” and turned their back on “the things of God”?  Could it be that all the while, in reality, this group of followers or “church” has served as a narcissistic support team to keep her going forward in her WOFF-bubble? I believe I was a part of a narcissistic support team while at WOFF and am so glad to have been kicked off the team, so to speak. Is that one reason Jane puts some people out of her “church”? They no longer give her the loyalty, believe her junk and support her fantasies. They refuse to keep taking her shame and in fact by expressing doubt or some other type of “sinful thoughts”, she is left with no choice but to turn them away from her? All of these are questions to ponder.

   We will continue with our source book and review the author’s thoughts on entitlement. Is there an attitude or sense of entitlement in Jane Whaley? Please, return to this blog for future posts on narcissism.

   Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

     Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

     Guest posts reflect the opinions of the writers. Their opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of John Huddle or any other persons affiliated with this blog.

       Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, for posts written by John Huddle, any information about WOFF is from his memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be.  Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 334.

  “Magical thinking, exploitive idealization, and the devaluation of others via shame-dumping and belittling are all attempts on the part of the Narcissist to avoid feeling defective and insignificant.” We then explained the shame-dumping as religious shame-dumping and how this occurred in the WOFF setting. The next statement reflects on how the Narcissist characteristics affect the closest relationships for that person. “At best, these tactics create barriers to intimacy and acceptance. In a relationship with such a character, you will never know what it is like to be loved and appreciated for who you really are. At worst, the unending distortions will confuse you and wear away your self-esteem.” (page 10)

  Can anyone who has witnessed the constant belittling and badgering of Sam Whaley in WOFF church services by Jane, put forth an explanation that is any more accurate? The process Sam endured as he was molded by Jane into someone other than whom he really appears to be has been hard to watch and confusing to say the least. The apparent pleasure that Jane exhibited as she belittled Sam in front of us all was confusing as it did not seem like the love of God. Of course there was always a spiritual reason for the cuts and digs. Do any WOFF members remember it differently? Let me know. We move on.

WOFF Arrogance and its Roots…

   Hotchkiss writes, “The persona that many Narcissists present to the world often comes across to others a “superiority complex”. But behind the mask of arrogance is a fragile internal balloon of self-esteem that is never satisfied with being good or even very good—if they are not better than, then they are worthless. Value is always relative, never absolute. From their point of view, if someone’s stock goes up, theirs automatically goes down. Conversely, if they are feeling deflated, they can reinflate themselves by diminishing, debasing, or degrading someone else. This is the reason why Narcissists are often bossy, judgmental, perfectionistic, and power-hungry…”  (page 11)

   Let’s break this down and apply to what is known about Jane. Does Jane come across as one with a superiority complex? Even when I was inside, I could see this, but, it was excused because of “Jane’s anointing” or “gift”. Who wants to call the “Prophetess of God” arrogant or acting like she was better than everyone else? After all, that thought fit well in the whole scheme of WOFF; to the faithful members, she WAS better than everyone else! So, though Jane’s attitude was excused or allowed or even admired by regular members, I feel sure it didn’t and/or doesn’t now play well in the community. Agree? What does the author tell us about a person who has this condition? The Narcissist is not better than others but, only trying to hide a “fragile internal balloon of self esteem”. I never had that thought about Jane while inside WOFF. But, this will make more sense as we move forward.

    Continuing in the same paragraph, “They (Narcissists) are simply trying to secure the kind of status that will afford them the most distance from the taint of personal defect and shame.” (page 11) How does this relate to what is known about Jane and her actions inside WOFF? In my opinion, the author is saying that folks like Jane act arrogantly in order to hide their own fear of being found as defective and the shame that would come on them, if their true condition were known. Does this make sense? Please, keep reading.

   “For Narcissists, competition of all kinds is a way to reaffirm their superiority, although many will only compete when they anticipate a favorable outcome. Deeply shamed by defeat, they tend to choose arenas in which they can shine without much risk or effort, and when success happens, they may become compulsive in their pursuit of perfection. Along the way, they crave admiration from others. Admiration-seeking among such Narcissists usually means they are feeling a little unsure of their own superiority and need some refueling.” (page 13)

    Okay, honestly this passage put clarity and answered many questions about WOFF-life. Why the “ministry of softball and basketball”? Why the extreme sensitivity if ANY TEAM from WOFF loses? It is because Jane is SO SENSITIVE when any of her teams lose. Even when the teams had to play each other, there were services rehashing how folks played and if they heard God on when to swing or how to catch a ball or how to stand or how to pay attention or how to minister to the other team or how to not hit the pitcher with your God directed hitting and so on and so forth… You get the picture? Jane gets great satisfaction when her teams win; it feeds something in her- such as HER PUNY, FRAGILE SELF ESTEEM! Is this SAD? The “ministries of softball and basketball” exist to feed Jane’s self-esteem! That is why many of the players carry the attitude they do, whether they know it or not, they are mirroring the attitude of their supreme leader – Jane. Does this make sense? Am I off base here? Oh, I would lose count if I tried to remember all the services where “we would get ahold of the softball or basketball ministry”! Jane directed who could go to the games, when you were allowed to cheer and how and why to cheer and clap for the opposing team. All of it has been choreographed for years! Why? It is obvious, to make sure Jane’s image in the county and in her own thinking was not tarnished and for her sake not a losing image.

    Is Jane competitive? In college, she majored in Physical Education and Math, as far as I remember. Any possibility there was some competition in learning P.E.? And now we know more about why WOFF is involved in the Holocaust Museum. There is practically NO COMPETITION! Jane can bask in the “victories” as she reads the reviews and fields the praises that she and her members receive for their recreations of Holocaust related material. “Deeply shamed by defeat, they tend to choose arenas in which they can shine without much risk or effort, and when success happens, they may become compulsive in their pursuit of perfection”. Does this make sense? Has the Holocaust project been a “pursuit of perfection”? I had written that Jane wanted to beg, borrow or steal credibility with the Holocaust projects. In my opinion, now, we see how this feeds her image of herself and how it helps her avoid the thoughts of inward imperfections or “sin”. Let’s not forget how all this competition is excused as ministry for Jane certainly would not admit to having the “competition devil”! How many services did she take to hit that in others and cast it out of them by exposing their love of competing? Did she ever see it in herself? Not that I remember.

   The author writes, “Sore losers” are often Narcissists who cannot bear to be exposed as less than the best. For them, there is nothing acceptable about being ordinary or average—if they can’t be superior, they are nothing.” (page 13) Does this help explain the drive for every area of WOFF to express “God’s best”? Is it really expressing Jane’s best and fulfilling her need to be “superior”? Is it possible that this drive to distance themselves from ordinary comes off as arrogance from WOFF members, when in reality it is the old trap of salvation through works?

    This next passage will help explain how a Narcissist, who is caught up in a self-serving perversion of religion could evolve into a religious cult leader. I will quote this passage and offer some insights from my time inside WOFF.  “If having an appreciative audience is good, having control over them is even better. Power for the Narcissist is not only affirmation of superiority but also a means of controlling others to ensure “narcissistic supplies” – anything that feeds a fragile ego. The more power they have, the more freely they can diminish others to keep them inflated… At the root of the harm inflicted on others is the need to get rid of the exaggerated shame of real or imaginary inferiority… An arrogant and superior attitude thus serves as a protective barrier that keeps the “stink” of imperfection off the Narcissist, providing insulation from intolerable feelings of shame about personal shortcomings.” (page 14)

   In the practice of the Jane’s WOFF-religion, she uses this religion as the “means of controlling others to ensure “narcissistic supplies” – anything (or anyone) that feeds a fragile ego.” Combining the author’s observations with my experience from the years at WOFF, I believe the faithful WOFF members serve to feed Jane’s fragile ego so she can avoid the “stink” of imperfection” and “the exaggerated shame of (many) real or imaginary inferiorit(ies).”  The WOFF arrogance stems from Jane’s drive to feed the need to be “superior”. I cannot say that every member serving Jane is even aware of the attitude of arrogance or how it is perceived in the surrounding community. For many, it is “how God’s people live” and the attitude that WOFF members are the only true Christians and the only ones who will make heaven is a natural or shall we say “supernatural” outgrowth of Jane’s weakness and her teachings.

   In a future post we will continue our review of the characteristics of Narcissists and how religion can play a part in them controlling others. Next up will be the Envy in a Narcissist. Comments are welcome.

    Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

     Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

       (Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 332.

   In the previous post, we covered the shamelessness of a Narcissist that actually is evidence of a very shame-sensitive person who has not learned to process and learn from any situation in life that brings shame for whatever reason. The author listed a few signs from a Narcissist which show they are attempting to direct their shame outward and away from Self.  These situations that brought the reactions may be a “minor incident or social slight”. There may be no real cause for shame or even regret.  We will now explore how this shame is pushed off or “dumped” on the WOFF members in the course of practicing their “religion”, and how it is used to mold behavior and intensify loyalty to Jane and her “gift”.

   Hotchkiss writes in Chapter 2 titled “Magical Thinking”, “THE NEED TO AVOID SHAME at all costs creates a continual dilemma for the Narcissist, as life has a way of regularly doling out humbling experiences that cannot be taken in stride. There is always someone who is better, brighter, more beautiful, more successful, (and) more anything-you-can-think-of. The fact that no one is perfect is of little comfort to Narcissists, however, because they see themselves as the exception to this natural law. Their challenge is to find a way to stay pumped up inside in order to hold these harsh realities at bay. The methods they typically employ involve a considerable amount of distortion and illusion, what psychologists call “magical thinking”.” (page 7)

   Where do I start? First, I would rename the “magical thinking” to “religious delusion” in Jane’s case since she does not believe in “magic”. Right? But, the basis for this religious delusion is still rooted in distortion and illusion. How so? Jane bases her distorted thinking on her perception and private interpretation of Scripture. Well, that is what regular members are led to believe. Remember, Jane submits to no other outside ministers and has all power inside the group. She is IT. Also, Jane always had a Scripture to back up her changes, dictates, rules and edicts. That is the foundation for her religious delusion, her manipulation of the Bible.

   Next, Jane lives as if she is perfect and, in my opinion, from years of observations, when she sees anyone in leadership excelling in preaching or appearance or some other perceived skill, she feels threatened. Does anyone else remember when Brooke wore a more dazzling dress to some special function and Jane rebuked her? How about the times over the years she has put each person in her close leadership on church discipline and put them out of the church until “they find a place of repentance”? At first, when I was inside, I considered this just a power play, but, looking back, it makes sense she felt threatened and had to knock them down a notch or two to deflect the self perceived shame of being out done – even if only in her own thoughts. Her consuming illusion was/is that she was/is perfect and no one else can dare approach her level of “walking with God”, skill or gift or beauty or whatever. It just did not fly inside WOFF. Jane was the top of the pyramid structure – to think different was/is evidence of your delusion.

  When giving an example of a Narcissist, the author writes that they come to depend on their fantasies to insulate them from their inner emptiness. When Jane reacts with rage and deflects the shame she feels on others, is she giving us all loud clear signs of her weakness and her own inner emptiness? That question is worth pondering. Hotchkiss goes on in describing an example case with a narcissist; “Family and acquaintances alike learn to handle this denial of reality with kid gloves, because any serious rupture in the bubble she has created threatens to expose the shame of her self-deception and release an underlying rage” (page 8)  

   Hello! Does that sound like WOFF members walking on egg shells around Jane or what? It was well known that Jane would/could explode at the least little thing and in her delusion declare she was not angry- just expressing the “anger of God”. If that often repeated scenario is not evidence of “religious delusion” then I don’t know what is! Jane lived/lives in her created “religious WOFF bubble”!

   Hotchkiss goes on to describe further the qualities of a Narcissist. “The fantasy world of Narcissists can have a seductive allure that promises to envelop you in its specialness. Their superficial charm can be enchanting, and they often appear complicated, colorful, and exciting as they draw you into their narcissistic web… It is not uncommon, in the presence of such individuals, to feel controlled, manipulated, helpless, and angry – or on an emotional rollercoaster ride. Narcissists exude a powerful force field that is difficult to stay clear of and nearly impossible to control once you have been drawn in. They play on whatever narcissistic vulnerabilities you may have left over from earlier experiences with similar characters.” (page 9)

  The passage explained a lot to me as I remembered reading about Jim Jones, Tony Alamo and Warren Jeffs. These all have been reported to have the “force field” or “aura” around them. It also reminds me of the work from Dr. Len Oakes on prophetic personalities. Jane Whaley certainly fits the above description. She can be enchanting with a certain seductive “religious” allure – though, I know she would disagree with the adjective since it sounds magical. This passage also explains the reason for constant drama in Jane’s presence and WOFF-life in general. In my opinion, for those with certain weaknesses in the area of religion and unaware of the record of Jane’s past and present “skills”, getting caught in her web is likely unless there is some intervention. Ask me, I know. I have lived through it and seen many others caught in and pass through the WOFF web for years on end.

   Hotchkiss continues, “In addition to magical thinking, there are other more hurtful ways that Narcissists distort reality. The most toxic of these is a process where they transfer to someone else whatever evokes shameful feelings in themselves. What psychologists call “projection”, I have renamed shame-dumping, a common phenomenon in narcissistic families.” (pages 9-10, emphasis added) This one sentence led me off in a whole new understanding! I immediately saw at least some of the destructive WOFF dynamics as “religious shame dumping”! Let’s look at this closer.

   In WOFF-life there are many, many rules. We have written about this several times. The rules are made and/or approved by Jane. Could it be that the many unwritten rules serve as a means to dump the shame Jane feels about these “sins” off onto the regular members? In the name of Jane’s WOFF religion, Jane projects the shame she is battling so hard to resist onto her members- simply because this is how she views her role along with her need to protect the fantasy and WOFF-bubble she lives in. Her bubble of self-perceived perfection is made durable by the rules she forces others to live under. But, alas, who can keep the WOFF-law? No one, everyone breaks the rules, and when that is not obvious enough she sees another devil in them! You shameful thing! Get that devil out! With the heavy legalism and constant hunt for devils in her members, Jane continues to dump her shame on members and thus preserves her self-conceived illusion of perfection.

    Robert Lifton writes about this guilt and shame in his explanation on the demand for purity. In “Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism”, “…for by defining and manipulating the criteria for purity, and then by conducting an all out war upon impurity, the ideological totalists create a narrow world of guilt and shame..” (page 424)

    The guilt and shame from the WOFF-life is then relieved as her members seek Jane’s counsel on “hearing God” and how to be free or submit more and keep the WOFF-rules. Jane does not leave her members without a way out! She allows them to seek her counsel and stabilize long enough to process the shame-dump and come back for more! It is such a vicious cycle! The lasting effect creates more loyalty to Jane as the “savior” from all the shame and guilt! She needs members willing to take her religious shame-dumps, protect her bubble of perfection, seek her counsel and worship her gift of hearing God where they missed it, process this new shame and come back for more! She needs others to carry her shame so she does not have to face her inner emptiness and lack of true understanding of the Christian gospel she pretends to preach.

  Over the years since I left WOFF in 2008, I have reflected on the many friends I left behind. This next observation may offend some, but, it fits right here. Once I stepped away from WOFF, I could see the legalism, the religious goofery, and now, the process of religious shame-dumping that holds many in Jane’s aura, force field or narcissistic web for year after year after year. In truth, a WOFF member’s function was/is to prop Jane up in her fantasy and delusion. I participated for many years as a part of the fantasy prop crew and paid tithes and offerings for the privilege! On the other hand, some appear to have grown accustomed to the shame and even expect it since they are ignorant of what is happening to them as I was while inside WOFF. This whole legalistic system which uses shame as it personal currency and robs years of life from its participants has major deception at its roots. Does Jane see the WOFF-system as dysfunctional and destructive? No, she honestly believes she is a blessing to others. For her to be able to overlook and deny the families and individuals which have been destroyed or at the least emotionally impaired because of the WOFF-system she runs is beyond me. In my opinion, she is a classical narcissist completely oblivious to how her life affects those around her. Others who have a different explanation of what has been discussed here, please, comment. We will continue reviewing this book in future posts. The next chapter reveals the arrogance that many narcissists display and why. The reason may surprise you.

   Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

     Look on the right side of any post for the option to subscribe by email for notifications or RSS feeds notifying of new postings. It is a great feature. Also, find more posts by selecting “Categories”.

       (Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 330.

   First off, if you have been, or are now a member of WOFF and do not agree that Jane Whaley exhibits some characteristic of narcissism or even some minimal selfishness, then there is no use to continue reading; this post will only confuse you. However, if you wonder why the social dynamics which compose WOFF-life and thus life around Jane are so volatile or dramatic, then read on. See if these ideas help you understand why WOFF-life around Jane is less than peaceful at times, while at others, downright volcanic.

   Hotchkiss uses examples and personal scenarios meant to illustrate her observations and her points about the subject. For the most part, I will not repeat these examples in this post since none of them are in a religious setting and would not add to my theory. However, when possible, I will recount scenes from WOFF-life which demonstrate my theory and explanations. I have been considering the content of this post for several days. At this point, it seems in some ways so obvious, yet, so large that I hope I can convey the main points so others can understand them. I am not sure how many posts it will take to cover the insights from this book, but, let us begin….

    In the Introduction to this book the author writes, “There is nothing new about narcissism. There have always been vain, grasping, manipulative characters who have an inflated perception of themselves and little regard for others…. Narcissism is not just tolerated in our day and age, it is glorified. Many of our leaders and public figures we admire flaunt their narcissistic proclivities, and we can’t wait to emulate their excesses… Before we know it, the distinction between what’s healthy and what isn’t gets fuzzy…” (page XV)

   This post is specifically related to my experiences and observations at WOFF. However, I am not saying that Jane Whaley is the only religious figure who exhibits narcissism. She just happens to be the one I am most familiar with right now. Also, leaders in Christianity in general are not the only ones who could have this ailment, I am learning of cult leaders in other religions with similar characteristics. As the author notes, this is a pervasive disorder in our culture. As another note, this book is much more than can be covered in this series of posts and I recommend a copy to all who have an interest in learning more.

   Hotchkiss continues, “The characteristic ways that Narcissists think and behave are what I describe in Part I as the Seven Deadly Sins. Some of these, such as entitlement and the rage that accompanies it, arrogance, magical thinking (grandiosity and omnipotence) are familiar faces of narcissism. But, you may be surprised to learn that poor interpersonal boundaries, the emotional shallowness that stems from buried shame, envy and its sidekick contempt, and the exploitiveness that fills the vacuum created by the absence of empathy are even more indicative of unhealthy narcissism than an inflated ego or mere selfishness. These are the behavior and attitudes that protect an undeveloped Self at the expense of the well-being of others…. The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism not only hurt others, but they prevent the Narcissist from developing a genuine Self.” (pages xvii and xviii)

   For those former members reading this, one of the characteristics that may jump out right away in the list is rage. In my years at WOFF, Jane displayed fits of rage that were excused as the “anger of God”. After all, Jane confessed to being delivered from the spirit of anger. So, how could her tirades and outbursts of anger really be anger? It was cast as love, yes, the love of God. After you recover, I will continue. ……. Visitors and those in the community may be shocked since Jane can exhibit the sweetness of honey and the gentleness of a spring rain. But, she can sting like a wasp when she takes a notion. In this book, I believe the author unlocks for me an accurate explanation as to why and how this could happen. In this series, I will add my thoughts as to why and how this could happen in a church setting.

   Hotchkiss writes about the first “Deadly Sin”- shamelessness. “Shame is among the most unbearable of human feelings, regardless of our age or station in life. Unlike guilt, it speaks not to the misdeed but to the misery of a pervasive personal flaw.” (page 4) “In the Narcissist, shame is so intolerable that means have been developed not to experience it at all. What psychologists call “bypassed shame” looks like shamelessness or absence of a conscience, hiding behind a protective barrier of denial, coldness, blame, or rage. Since there are no healthy internal mechanisms available to process the painful feeling, shame is directed outward, away from the Self. It can never be ‘my fault’.” (pages 5-6)  

   It was about this time I began to see the patterns of rage and outbursts that Jane exhibited during my time at WOFF were for the most part totally unpredictable and were really acts of self-defense. I have written before about the outburst at the first service of a November Seminar when she blasted an elderly lady for going to local grocery stores and picking up sale papers. The lady would then bring them back to WOFF for the members. When Jane found out during the service, she said no one told me or no one asked me… I don’t remember exactly. But, the next part was ingrained in my memory. Jane stormed to the side door of the sanctuary and turned to pause and declare to the elderly lady and all others in the room, “Your sin affects me!” After that we knew our conduct was of utter importance to Jane. Why? Because it could bring shame to the reputation she had worked so hard for in the community. It could shame her before her god. And we had no business adding to the load of shame she already carried over such a group of sinners that she was called to pastor. Really? She had “prayed night and day and lost sleep” so we would “make it with God”. Why did we manifest and cause more “work” for her? Do you notice a pattern here? The “more work” was defending herself from the shame she perceived as her members did not reach the perfection she had obtained. Would they ever?

    There are other examples which I can recite in a future post. We were always being warned about our conduct in the county and how it reflected on the church. Well, really it reflected on Jane’s perception of her perception within the county and how precious that was/is. There are other angles we will explore in future posts. We are just “scratching the surface” as Gerald would say…

  Hotchkiss ends the chapter on “shamelessness”, “… We sense that these people are emotionally shallow, we may think of them as thick-skinned, sure of themselves and aloof. Then, all of the sudden, they may surprise us by reacting to some minor incident or social slight. When shaming sneaks past the barriers, those “shameless” ones are unmasked for what they really are—supremely shame-sensitive. That is when you will see a flash of hurt, usually followed by rage and blame. When the stink of shame has penetrated their walls, they fumigate with a vengeance…. Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways—to face it, neutralize it, and move on as healthier individuals do—leads to the characteristic postures, attitudes, and behavior of the Narcissist.” (page 6 emphasis added)

    Is this a great word picture or what? Stink of Shame creeping into the Holy of Holies at WOFF? Actually, the author makes it clear the stink of shame is only perceived by the Narcissist and may be a “minor incident or social slight”. There may be no real cause for shame or even regret.  I will pick-up here with the very next post. We will explore how this shame is pushed off or “dumped” on the WOFF members in the course of practicing their “religion”, and how it is used to mold behavior and intensify loyalty to Jane and her “gift”. For now, I must close.

      Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Comments are invited from all readers, including present or former members. Polls are not scientific and no private information is gathered.

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       (Please, take time to read the Terms of Use for this personal blog. As mentioned, the information about WOFF is from my memories and recollections as perfect as that may be or not be. ) Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 329.