Often inspiration for this blog comes from things I see and hear in my everyday life. Other times, I remember events from the past or read books about cults and cult recovery and see subjects that I need to explain and/or explore. Sixteen years of life in and under the teachings of Jane Whaley, the leader of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF), provides me with plenty of events and revelations to write about. Also, there are listed several books and documentaries that offer some understanding and help to unravel the subject of mind control, cults and cult recovery.
This evening, I was considering the subject of spousal abuse. My first encounter with this dark subject was in 1992 in Summerville, SC. I was involved in helping a couple who attended the church where my wife and I were in leadership. The man seemed calm in most instances, but in fits of rage would hit his wife. Confusing? Yes, it was. He said many of the “right” things and would be gentle and agreeable during most every counseling session. There were children in the marriage and he had a good income as a self-employed mechanic. His mother was also a church member and was a large financial supporter of the church. The confusing part to me was how could abuse happen inside of a marriage that was meant to be a benefit for the parents and a haven for the children? How could something that started out with such good intentions turn out so bad and hurtful to all parties? How could it go on for so long and not change and get better? The answer was complicated and only led to more questions. Let me explain.
One of the common misnomers of any abusive relationship is that the abuse would be obvious to those on the outside looking in. That could not be further from the truth. I would say there is a natural desire in any relationship for the two parties to want to make it work. Why else would they enter into the relationship? Both may have a reason to ignore the dysfunction and go on “hoping” for better days. And when things are not working or seem to be sliding in the wrong direction, sometimes one person who is not to blame will take the blame because it is easier for them to understand. I am not a professional counselor, but I have seen it many times. Just having relationship problems does not mean you automatically know what the solutions were/are for the problems. Many times people need help to make things right inside a relationship. Why? One reason is that the person causing the issues many not want to see their responsibility in the problem and an outsider can help focus and move the relationship in the right direction.