There are people from many walks of life that read this blog. Some are former Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF) members but, many are not. Some readers are survivors from other groups. Inevitably when discussing the religious cult question or any other subject that involves abuse, someone will put forth the notion that we must “forgive and forget” and move on. Yes, there are many references to forgiveness in the Bible and it is a prudent thing to consider for anyone who has been wronged. Where does the command to forget how one has been treated or abused fit in? If there is a fading of the intensity of the emotions that were present during the abusive acts- does that equal “forgetting”? What benefit is there from forgetting abuses done to you or to ones you love? Is the proof of forgetting reflected in a not caring for those who remain in the abuse and doing nothing to help them escape their real time surreal destructive world? Can someone forgive and yet continue to fight for those who remain in abuse? I believe so.
A comment submitted by Don and Angie Tumioli to the recent post titled- “But, that is no excuse for us to tolerate it here…” (link- http://religiouscultsinfo.com/?p=4859 ) The subject of the post dealt with the question of religious slavery. The comment contained some excellent insight into the question for “forgive and forget”. I felt it appropriate to include this in the post as we have just passed another celebration marking the life and deeds of Martin Luther King, Jr. From the comment: “…You can forgive someone as Jesus did when he said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”. Yet Jesus spent a large portion of his life preaching to the hypocrites and pointing out that they were the ones that were keeping others from entering the kingdom of God. Yes, I can understand the example set by Jesus. He, who knew no sin, forgave those who sought to harm him. But, he did not stop from exposing their oppressive and harmful ways.
Don and Angie continue:
The commonly used expression, “Those who ignore history are bound (or doomed) to repeat it” is actually a misquotation of the original text written by George Santayana, who, in his Reason in Common Sense, The Life of Reason, Vol.1, wrote “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” I think forgiveness is very important but we must never forget. We can forgive the 911 terrorists but, if we forget what they did and become lackadaisical they will be back to commit more acts of terrorism. There might be some “good people” involved someway with the Taliban, but many live for the chance to kill and maim our citizens to include women and children. If we as a country forget 911 and Pearl Harbor, and begin to apologize to the world for our response, and let down our defenses, I believe history will be repeated. (emphasis added)
Many who encourage survivors to “forgive and forget” have either never been a part of the tragedy or have no understanding of the personal losses that have occurred. Some equate “forgetting” with ignoring and pretending the destruction of lives never happened. That to me is simply impractical, unrealistic and includes a truck load of naiveté. The trauma and emotional struggles from 911 are still being felt by those who were directly affected. To forget or ignore the events of 911 and “move on” is dangerous and in my opinion small minded and insensitive.
Likewise, some may be a bit uneasy with the comparison of the tragedy put on the survivors of the 911 attacks and the struggles of those who survive religious cults. After all, how many have died from involvement in religious cults? We could mention Peoples Temple, Branch Davidians, Heaven’s Gate and more. But, what is missed when only citing lives lost from involvement in cults is counting the lives destroyed, families destroyed, friendships lost, and lives disrupted. From what I have learned, the sum total of lives affected negatively by religious cults in America every year FAR surpasses the lives lost in natural or “man-made disasters”. Or do you think “man-made disasters”- that would include cults?
In a previous post, we have discussed the plight of Morgan Sample and her struggle to regain her personal property from WOFF. In considering her struggles and the more recent survivor chronicled in the post titled- “Another Exit Drama Unfolds…” (link- http://religiouscultsinfo.com/?p=4782 ), one can hopefully begin to understand that just retrieving personal property does not heal the trauma or restore one to wholeness. There is a lot more to consider.
A survivor of another religious cult who has lost family members and personal property put it this way:
No one can go in and get for the cult survivor what they had to leave behind at their former home. How can you box up the self respect...or the wholeness...or the need for unconditional love...it isn’t in the top dresser drawer…It is not (just) the photos or the mementos...or the right to live without guilt and shame imposed by man (or woman). The right (or freedom) to see oneself as redeemed and forgiven….. It may not fit into a box. How about wrapping up in newspaper the precious shadow of Calvary that we all live under? – Because we (former cult members) just ‘can’t get it right’? Survivors leave with none of these, but all of these belong to them. Or can you put their youth in a bottle (to carry out and enjoy)…Because they will not get those months (or years) back? (paraphrased)
Surviving tragedy can be a long process and may not always lead back to familiar ground. We do move on after suffering, but, in the progression that the path of life takes, let us never forget how we came to the crossroads that changed our direction and others who are still being oppressed or abused.
The ending of the comment submitted by Don and Ange:
“Reading your post today, I am motivated and challenged in many ways. We also were slaves and we escaped for our lives and now enjoy freedom. It is so important to remember where our freedom comes from and to never forget that the slavery we once endured still exists in the lives of those we once loved. We can forget what we’ve been through and get on with our lives or we can try to help others find their way to freedom. Recovery can be a lifelong process, but I’d rather be free and recovering than enslaved to a system that only benefits the slave driver.” (emphasis added)
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I recently visited WOFF during Friday night fellowship. I went in with my new husband who had once been a member there. It was his hopes to talk with his three children and to see how they were. We were greeted by a kind woman whom I was relieved to meet having heard stories from my husband about his experiences at WOFF. She asked us to wait in the hall while a man went saying “I will get someone to get a hold of it.” As we waited we talked about our recent marriage and how he wanted to have his children meet me. A few minutes later a short woman with blonde hair, Robin, came marching down the hall with a group of men behind her. She went right into my husbands face and said that he needed to repent for accusations he made in court about the church. And then the blow . . . your children do not want to see you unless you repent. I was floored. I had never experienced something like this. They watched us later from the door as we left as if they were afraid we would return. Someone from the church also followed us back to our hotel which was quite a distance from the church. The intimidation this woman presented was very upsetting however the fact he could not even see his children was even more upsetting.
Nancy Jo,
What you experienced is so typical of WOFF-life. I have seen it from the inside and now from the outside. One sad part of the whole deal is that when you are on the inside, you are being told- “These are the ways of God.” Actually, it was the way of their “god”. I can identify with your amazement and your sorrow for your husband.
May you both find healing from this trauma.
John