Friday, February 14, 2014, I received a text saying Gilbert Carmona has been killed in a car wreck. Later, as details emerged, it was learned the accident had occurred on I-85 near Charlotte. There were bad road conditions involved and a definite tragedy occurred. The link to the article on the Charlotte Observer website is here. The outpouring on social media has been overwhelming as many have offered reflections of their fond memories for Gilbert, Jr. All of this has triggered some memories of my own, but, first more on the events over the last 24 hours.

Comments from different former members of Word of Faith Fellowship (WOFF) have reflected their shock and sadness of the passing of Gilbert Carmona. Many have remembered him a sincere, trusting, funny and “real guy.” Some have remembered Gilbert’s warm smile, good heart and the list goes on. One thing that is VERY evident, former members are allowed to show much more love and caring respect for present members than present WOFF members for the former ones. When one leaves WOFF, it is clear in times like this, those deep feelings of love and admiration can continue towards present members when seen as deserved. And for certain, in many previous members’ hearts and minds, Gilbert Carmona, Jr. who was still a WOFF member, deserved such admiration.

Information about the expected grieving process surrounding such a tragedy has been murky and confusing at best. Gilbert Carmona, Sr. did his radio show live this morning as if nothing was happening in his world except the truth about taxes. No mention of this life changing event was made.  It has been learned that Gilbert, Sr. did not reach out to one of his other son who is not in WOFF to tell him of his brother’s tragic death- because he was an “attacker.” I have conveyed this series of events to some who were and some who were not acquainted with the WOFF-drama. Everyone who hears of this has the same reaction-why? How or why would this father not publically expressed some heartfelt grief for the loss of a son who shared an obvious common interest in the things he holds most valuable? It is to that question, I will give what I believe is at least part of the answer. And while we consider this, let us not forget Carol Kolari – the mother of Gilbert, Jr. who as far as is known, still resides within the group. What has she been able to process how will she handle this?

My memories of the events surrounding the death of a WOFF member or non-WOFF member are few. Once it was learned or announced that a member had died, there was a time when all would gather in the sanctuary and be allowed to weep and cry in unison. This may have gone on for some time. But, after that- it was my understanding that you were expected to “not let the death of (whoever) touch your mind.” Any lingering expression of continued grief could be seen as perversion or weakness. It was for all intents and purposes- a closed issue. Does this process sound like it would work every time?  I was never tested in this process with the death of someone inside or outside the group that I had been extra close to or related to. But, let me continue. The cause of the death could affect the process to some degree. Elderly folks who had led a long life and were “right with God” according to Jane, may have a short grieving period ending in a “happy” reflective time at a memorial service.

Years ago, there was another young man who died while in WOFF. I was not in the group when Mark Misha died. If I remember right, he was in his early 30’s and was fighting cancer. During my time there, I remember hearing Jane talk about the end of his life and thought the narration to be odd or less than positive. I don’t know of any other young folks to pass away inside WOFF until this recent tragedy. The fact that Gilbert, Jr. was so warm and friendly and seemingly compliant and not combative- at least to me; lends itself to the conundrum of that is apparent for present WOFF members. To what “sin” do they assign blame for this tragedy? In a world of black and white thinking, there has to be a cause for any negative and a reason for any positive. Accidents don’t just happen in their world. Many unexplained things are accounted to “the devil” if they are negative and to “the blessings of God” –if they are positive. Saying something was “an accident” would make it appear that living inside of WOFF is not the total protection and blessing it was made out to be.

In my opinion, this tragedy has exposed the shallowness of the foundation to whole sub-culture as there is seemingly a lack of who or what to blame. It is as if there is an incomplete sentence in the narrative of WOFF history. Therefore, they go on, they ignore the inner confusion; they shun others who need to process the natural grief as a result of this loss and act as if NOTHING out of the ordinary happened on February 14, 2014. For the sanity and well being of the family and friends of Gilbert Carmona, Jr., I hope I am wrong.

There is a memorial service planned on Sunday as far I know. For sure, I will not be told the outcome. But, I hope that the frailty of a sub-culture evidenced by the obvious lack of “tools” to handle and process such a tragedy – helps pull back the curtain of darkness portrayed as light. In other words, underneath all the pretending that nothing is wrong and the outward boasting that there is no pain, the still small voice which everyone has will be able to get the attention of some and wake them up to the stark realities of living in WOFF-land.

The bottom line is no one wants any person to have to face a tragedy of this magnitude. My heart and prayers go out to Storm and their child.  In reality, we all do process grief differently but, process it we will in one way or another. A person who has more common sense than religion told me this morning that unprocessed grief can become a silent killer. So, can we hope that family and friends will be allowed to fully process their grief and the incomplete sentence in the annals of WOFF history is finally finished with a positive ending? I am not…    

Obit 

And with that, let us remember:

“It is never too late to wake up and leave and reclaim your life!” Steve Hassan

Thank you, for taking time to visit and read this blog. Please, consume the information on this site responsibly. The author is not a licensed mental health professional and encourages those that need professional help to seek it. The intent of the material is to inform and be a resource. Be sure to tell every member that you know at WOFF about this blog. There are readers at WOFF. Jane told me and Josh confirmed it.

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Scripture references are Amplified Version unless otherwise noted. (Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation ) This is post number 461.